Daughter has spoiled Christmas evening and I don't know where to go from here

[anothernamejeeves]

She's 15 and is just beyond spoilt and nasty. I run around after her like mad and try and make Christmas a happy time for her and my other two.
She was sat in the living room playing a video really loud. I told her I wanted to sit and watch tv in peace and asked her to either put headphones in or go upstairs. She gave me a complete gobful saying I always spoil Christmas and called me a slag
I really don't know where to go from here I'm utterly appalled

But she didn't ask her to stop watching it! She asked her to put headphones in if she wanted to continue watching it, because the volume was so loud.

Yes, but maybe op could set her a good example and try to do something inclusive and family focused on xmas day. Doesn't have to be playing games, chatting etc. Could just be finding a tv programme everyone wants to watch. The op has basically told her dd to leave the room or be quiet so she can watch something on tv. I think that's pretty awful on xmas day to be honest.

@PlanDeRaccordement oh yeah how dare the people who pay the fucking mortgage want to watch one tv programme all day without being drowned out by their teenagers music

As a pp mentioned, this doesn’t just suddenly happen.
It does though. From angel to devil at about 14-15.

I have teens Lisa. They're boys but the thought of them calling me a slag is, well I can't imagine it.

Are you kidding me?
We must watch exactly what our kids wants from morning to midnight because it's Christmas Day?

How old are your other two? Is there a chance she's felt a bit pushed out if they are a lot younger?

I think being called a slag on Christmas Day is pretty awful @Medievalist

That’s rubbish OP. Not that it excuses it or anything, but could it be her time of the month? Even as an adult, my hormones can get the better of me, and as a teenager I know I was pretty vile. I’d probably ignore the outburst for just now if you can (I know it’s easier said than done) but have a calm conversation with her tomorrow, and make it clear she’s not to use that language with you again.

I have a 15 year old DD and if she talked to me like that id have her phone and iPad.
You have to stop spoiling her op, for her sake as well as yours. We’ve has 3 elderly relatives to entertain today ( and next 3 days) and my 12 and 15 year old know they need to muck in and help and generally contribute to Christmas. It’s dull as hell for them, but if they don’t, Christmas can’t happen.
I’m not trying to tell you I get it right, because often I don’t, but just want to say there’s a different way of doing it.
Hope she apologised and appreciated all she’s got. Hope your Christmas is salvageable.

It's horrid behaviour. Some teenagers, especially girls, can be such absolute arseholes, especially to their mums. I was awful from about 13-20, I'm now in my thirties.
Is anything going on that's making her behaviour worse? Or is she just in the head-fuck, no-one else exists but me stage of being a teenager?!
I feel for you both, it's horrible to have your child treat you that way and horrible when you grow up and are told you treated your mum that way too.
It would have been ideal if you could have found a compromise about what everyone is doing. A friend of mine with older children had Christmas day split in to sections where there's a time slot for each person to decide what everyone does. It might work for your next occassion...

She's be off the wifi in this house. And i'd have her phone.

wow.

Don’t let her ruin your day!
Kick her out of the room, snuggle up with your DH and watch what you want.

I’d also shut off or take her phone until she can treat you with respect.

Teen years are painful.

She might have a generous data plan so cutting wifi won't help.

She's being very unreasonable. I bet you don't ask her to do that often?

Hmmm, she was in the wrong with the attitude and name calling, however I think I would have said something along the lines of... we would like to watch xxx would you like to watch it with us and have a few chocolates or whatever or use your headphones?

My 15yo threw a tantrum this morning too. Apparently I got him nothing he wanted. He’d only opened his stocking!

He stormed out, returned about half an hour later, apologised to me bu5 no this dad.

I currently have laptop and iPad, I Have allowed his phone

I think being called a slag on Christmas Day is pretty awful @Medievalist**

I think being told by your mother to stop making a noise or go upstairs on xmas day is pretty awful @scarecrowhead

I have a 15 yo and this one was absolutely in the wrong! I can't believe people making excuses for her.

She absolutely should not have spoken to you like that but she was in the lounge watching a video and it's her lounge too not just yours. I'd have said 'when that video has finished can you turn it off/use headphones please' or 'I'm going to watch something on tv, do you want to watch it with me?'

Amazed by those making excuses for this. Headphones are the norm in our house, adults and teenagers alike I have used them to watch netflix. To call her mother a slag is beyond awful. You need to teach them respect, if they do not agree then wifi, xbox, phone, whatever is taken away. You have paid for it.

Three teenagers raised in this house.

Do you seriously think it's ok to call your mum a slag because you got told to put headphones in @Medievalist ? Seriously ????

We were ushered upstairs at about 8pm to listen to music/watch tv when I was her age. She was simply asked to turn her music down or use headphones. She obnoxiously refused so was the TOLD to go upstairs. As adults should our kids be able to dictate the whole day and evening?

@PrincessMargaret I’m totally not denying she’s been vile, I just don’t think instituting draconian punishments is going to resolve the situation. It’s also perfectly reasonable to agree someone was in the wrong, but look for the reason, and empathise (being a teenage girl can be pretty sh1t at times!) with them too. Especially if the behaviour is out of character (I don’t think op says if this is typical of her dd?)

@halocompanach, I agree. Perfectly reasonable to explain that you want to watch TV, but then encourage her to watch it with you. Headphones/going elsewhere are the back-up options if she says no. Using them as option A probably made her feel unwelcome and rejected.

On Christmas Day the kids get to watch whatever they want

Yes it's totally shit being her. Having parents who dote on her encourage her love her and do their very best for her