(Sorry if this is a long post but I will only add what is needed for context)
Throughout all of my adult life I have been a size 8 but due to complications with endometriosis and blood clots last year, I got the contraceptive injection to stop my periods and as a result of this my thyroid has become under active and I have now gained a lot of weight and am now a size 14.
This year I have lost a stone and have been trying really hard to get back into shape as I feel so down about the way I look. This was inspired by the goal of a two week holiday abroad that I went to on the 3rd of December.
I got myself lots of new nice clothes and made a real effort to try and build my self confidence. I mostly felt ok in what I was wearing and could feel almost stylish.
However, one day on the holiday I went to a shopping complex on the beach with my DM. I was wearing a swimsuit with a skort cover up over the top and I felt like I looked nice for a change as I felt the swimsuit flattered My curves and the skort was flattering on my stomach.
As I was browsing the shop a lady selling something on a market stall called out to me and said “do you know how disgusting you look from the back?” I at first thought I had miss-heard her and looked confused so she repeated “Do you know how disgusting you look?” I was so upset and confused I tried to walk away but my DM (who was previously looking in a shop) walked over to join me. The women then shouted to her “are you her mother?” To which my mum replied yes. I walked away to escape the situation but my DM approached her and she repeated about how disgusting I looked to her. I walked to a near by bench and cried my eyes out. My mother complained to the manager of the shop her market stall was out but I ended up cutting our shopping day short as I felt so self conscious.
At first I thought it could’ve been because my skirt was short (not indecent - especially for the beach) but there were girls wandering around in their bikinis (and even a girl in a thong bikini standing next to the shop).
I can’t stop thinking about this comment and thinking about how fat and grotesque I must look for a random women to say this. I have never felt more insecure and I don’t know how to speed up the weight loss process more than I can. I can’t come off the injection as it’s the only thing helping with my endometriosis that works. I just feel so disappointed in myself and unhappy.
My mum believes this happened because I have a very prominent hour glass figure (which is true but a wobbly belly) and that the women felt I looked ‘disgusting’ as it was sexier than most others but I feel like my DM is just trying to make me feel better and can’t stop over thinking.
I don’t really know what the point in this post is but maybe to get some tips on how to stop overthinking those cruel words, every time I close my eyes at night to go to bed I just repeat it over and over in my head.
Sorry for the long winded vent post 