40% of domestic abuse victims are men

[PablosCat]

So says South East Coast Ambulance NHS foundation trust

Can anyone fact check that?!

No wonder men won't talk about being the victim of dv judging by the responses on this thread
I think you will find its toxic masculinity that stops men talking, so thsts for men to fix, also women lots of whom visit this site have probably had enough of men taking everything and then blaming women.
If men are asking women to fix their problems, they're asking the wrong sex.

What are the statistics on men being killed by women in DV/DA situations?

I'd like to see a direct comparison with the number of women killed by men. The number of men killed by men and the number of women killed by women.

The fact that they made a BBC documentary about that case shows how rare that sort of violence exists female to male.

I disagree. I think it's trying to raise awareness for something that is rarely talked about.

They make programmes about children with terminal illness, or people who are dying from cancer - Does that mean it's incredibly rare because they've decided to highlight one story?

Not that long ago DV against women was a taboo that's wasnt talked about. Does that mean that it didn't happen? When it first started to be talked about and awareness started to be raised it would have started small wouldn't it? Does that mean that it wasn't really a problem because people were only just starting to highlight it on a small scale?

Dangerfloof

So is it toxic masculinity when women are dismissive of the DV suffered by men? Who are minimising it, insinuating that it's probably both partners to blame or that it's men lying to cover up the abuse that they are guilty of?

What would you call that?

@HearHoovesThinkZebras I'm with you. No wonder they don't talk about it when, if this thread is to be believed, they'll be told they must be the perpetrator and they're making it up, and even if they are telling the truth they have it so much easier than female victims.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras - I gave an example upthread of how men turn their abuse of women in the man being the victim. That type of behaviour, DARVO, accounts for many incidences of men reporting their own violence as abuse upon them.
It is awful for anyone, male or female, to be abused, but 1; the statistics are incorrect and incomplete, and 2; what are MEN doing to help genuine male victims of abuse? Why should it be women's problem? Don't you think this sort of fake statistics will be used against women as a class at some point? Or are already?

Yes my own x did this. In 7 years of abuse i never once fought back physically. Once in despair i did something.... ill-judged and he seized on it and reported it to police who took it seriously. Horrifying. A wake up call.

I can see why figures arent correct. Part of this abusive profile is the absolute refusal to accept and responsibility, ever, never mind blame

So many women who got away have had this experience. My x reported me to the police for the one ill judged reaction i succumbed to in 7 years. He was like a rat up a drainpipe getting that formalised. I took 7 years of his verbal, emotional, financial and eventually physical abuse and never reported it. I was the proverbial boiled frog.

@Charley50 the response to these statistics is difficult, i think asking men to get involved with charities that financially assist men to move out and supervised centres for access to children would be reasonable and helpful.

Men could be doing more to help other men.

But because men don't report abuse there isnt seen to be the same need for funding and resources, either from statutory bodies or the general public.

I had a conversation about the lack of mens refuges with other DV professionals and they told me it's because of lack of uptake.

The same with the Freedom Programme and similar courses. Men have to do it online as when they trialled group workshops like they have for women they got barely any participation.

Men either don't see themselves as victims or don't want to be seen as victims.

Personally I prefer to try to remember the saying "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about" and come at things from a place of understanding rather than outright dismissal because someone's lived experience is different from what I assumed it to be.

Statistically this has been completely debunked. It is utter nonsense and I say this as DV worker of ten years experience. Women simply do not seriously injure or kill men. Its the other way around. Look up the charity RESPECT who deal with male victims. The majority of male ' victims' calling the helpline are actually perpetrators with victims who fought back. This is what they told us when I attended their training. Men are much more likely to report and when they do they are usually perpetrators.
DV perpetrators regardless of the sex of the victims are almost exclusively male.

Self-identified or biological men?

@oneblackhill thank you for posting and countering the narrative that 1 in 3 victims male.

What would you say in response to somebody who is undermining the problem with their "statistic"?

Very often the same people and organisations putting out these dodgy stats are those who claim TWAW til they're blue in the face. So who knows who they might be including in their definition of 'violent women'.

It's all part of the same campaign to blur lines, language and boundaries to weaken the legal protections of women. No-one would deny men can be victims and women perpetrators but I am highly sceptical that anyone could work for a DV organisation and be unaware of the huge gulf between the severity of damage men can inflict on women compared and that which women generally inflict on men. Also frequency and duration of abuse need to be factored in.

@ironickname
Good summary with nice clear statistics here
kareningalasmith.com/2016/09/01/intimate-partner-and-domestic-violence-homicides-sex-differences-april-2012-march-2015-3-years/

Men killed by women make up 9% of victims

Men killed by men make up 19% of victims

@QuentinWinters

As I guessed, thanks.

So is it toxic masculinity when women are dismissive of the DV suffered by men?

I haven't dismissed it. In fact I said it's terrible. I also said there will be a better place for this discussion. I as a woman will centre women, in my thoughts, where my spare cash goes, who I help.
If men want to start a similar initiative. Good on them. Fantastic even. About time in fact. I certainly would never dismiss it. Quite sure my male partner would send money that direction if asked.
Surely men can see it's up to them to help there own?
Or put another way, it's not on women to fix this. We have enough to do already.

I don't think anyone is saying it's on women to fix this. But as a woman, and DV support worker, I see it as my role to help all victims, regardless of their sex and not to dismiss their claims because it doesn't fit with the narrative of others.

Women are victims, men are victims, women lie about it, men lie about it. There are good and bad people in the world full stop.

More men die in violent circumstances worldwide every day around 78%
Therefore leading to the obvious conclusion that men are killing men. Otherwise truck loads more women would be in jail. And they're not.
Also men account for 96% of homicides perpetrated worldwide.
Which points to men again being the problem.
Leaving 4% of women committing homicide worldwide. That's a vast gulf between the two.
Yet it seems women are being shamed for what men do and what women do.
I will do my bit to stop women committing homicides.
So what are men doing?

Given that ex dh is registered under Clare's Law, I find this difficult. He made counter accusations which whilst disproven were registered. His nonsense will make up part of these statistics.

@MushroomTree - you keep posting 'what about the men?' but many of us have explained the tactics that men use to claim abuse, the statistics given in the OP have been shown to be false, in one of you own posts you said that men do not take up counselling/refuges/Freedom Programme etc. when offered. What are your thoughts on that? Any new thoughts as a result of what people are posting? Or are you just going to say we should care about all the victims?

A friend of mine is being harassed by her ex. He is allowed to come in and out of the home she shares with her young daughter until it's sold, as he's on the mortgage. He leaves all taps on, fridge open and verbally abuses the teenage daughter. This is alongside non stop drunken rambling threats.

Police refuse to do anything until either woman or girl is struck. He did however once call the police when he hurt himself falling as he went for her. The police arrested my friend the next day at work in front of her colleagues. She has never struck him or attacked him.

Men did demand their own shelters in the 70s, when women were organising their own. The mens shelter closed down because nobody used it. I hear however womens shelters have changed their policy to include men. So men only want to go to shelters that house abused women.

I can see how the statistics are skewed.

@Charley50 my thoughts are that of course male perpetrators lie and try to turn it around on their victims. I don't deny that. I see it in my job every day.

And I don't deny far more men kill women and far more men kill men than women kill women or women kill men.

If those statistics are false then they're false. In my organisation the statistic we use is 1 in 6 men experience DV in their lifetime.

And that figure isn't just made up of female to male violence. Just as the figures for female victims aren't just made up of male to female violence.

But there are genuine male victims. I know them.

If refuges and Freedom Programme etc don't work as support models for male victims we need to look at alternative ways to offer them support as I'm sure male focused organisations do.

And I do think we need to care about all victims of DV. It should be stamped out as a whole.

I don't think it's helpful to dismiss male victims as liars and say DV is a solely female issue. It is a majority female issue but maybe more men would come forward with their experiences if they were listened to.

Mushroom
We are not dismissing this issue. I personally am saying this is the wrong forum. Women cannot make men start a refuge or plan a male freedom program.
Men are free to do that. I will encourage and support men in doing just that. I wont spend any of my money on such a project, but I wont stand in the way of any man that wants to. I will even plaster a go fund me on my social media. What more do you want women to do?

@Dangerfloof you may not be but I think there are plenty on this forum and in "real life" that do.

Men certainly do need to sort this issue out themselves but we should support them to do so. Even if that only means supporting the men you know personally.