I can’t cope with my daughter being home

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I have a lovely, laid back DH. I hold my hands up and admit that I myself am a bit hot tempered and controlling. We have four lovely mostly grown up kids, three of whom are very chilled and DD1(24).

DD1 is a fantastic person; kind and brave and great fun. She also has slightly divaish tendencies and mood wise she is either really up or really down.

DD1 and I clash. We are either getting on brilliantly or we are clashing. At the moment she is between jobs and has been living at home for the past two months and I honestly feel I’m about to have a breakdown. Tiny things are being blown out of all proportion. Poor DH is at his wits end.

So today I offered to make everyone scrambled eggs on toast for lunch. DD only wanted toast. I got the pan and eggs and everything ready, made and buttered the toast then quickly scrambled the eggs and called everyone for lunch.

DD1 decided her toast was cold. Said she was going to put it back in the toaster. It was dripping with butter so I said I didn’t think it was a good idea. She was going to put it under the grill. I said chances are you will burn it or start a smeech and the fire alarm will go off. Besides it’s not really cold, mine is fine. She said mine is too cold; I don’t want to eat cold toast. I said make yourself some more then. She said I don’t want to waste food; I want to warm this piece up. I said well I’d rather you didn’t.

Then it all kicked off. Apparently I was very controlling not letting her warm her toast up. DD1 and DH both having a go at me. I apologised several times and they carried on having a go at me. What’s wrong with you, why are you always so angry nowadays?Etc.

I’m bloody angry because I’m living with a moody bloody diva. I spend a lot of my time encouraging her with her job hunting and being nice but nothing is ever good enough; she just picks faults, moans about my cooking and accuses me of things like not using a nice tone (or even having a nice face) when I talk to her. If I talk to her siblings on the phone or give her little brother some attention she kicks off. And bloody DH is like her little lapdog or something.

I think the toast is the straw that has broken the camel’s back. I just don’t want to engage with her any more.

It all got quite heated and shouty.

God we sound crazy don’t we? We are all on the edge.

Woh! That's not normal pita-ness imo. That's being a minx.

tell her to move out... they are gaslighting you OP, that is abusive behaviour right there.

It does seem a bit odd if she was only having toast, to make it and then leave it to cool while you scrambled the eggs. It wouldn't matter for everyone else because their toast would be covered by the egg.

It would have made more sense to have called dd to tell her that her toast was ready or (if you wanted everyone to eat together) to wait until the eggs were almost ready before popping hers in the toaster.

Putting buttered toast under the grill is a bit weird but she's the one eating it and it's controlling of you to say that she can't

For some reason - your DH doesn’t trust your word. That in itself is a big problem.

You all sound like primary school siblings to be honest.

Cross posted and just read the pianogate update. She sounds hard work - and quite a little stirrer herself.

I wouldn't want to eat cold toast either.

Heating it under the grill would have been fine, not going to start a fire or burn if she keeps a eye on it. Stop been bossy, she's a adult now.

Your house sounds exactly like mine Tinkly.
It’s so difficult having your adult children living back at home.
Sending you a commiseratory hug.

Your DH does not sound laid back to me.

I’m not sure if she is gaslighting or not Bumble. Cos that would be evil and she’s not really evil.

Scrambled eggs and toast for 6 adults? Not the most sensible opinion? Two toaster - multiple toast being toasted whilst eggs gets cold.

I hope your house is detached - otherwise DD wouldn't be the only one being driven made by hours of piano practice!

Pianogate is bizarre.

I wonder if she relies on DH to always be on her side in arguments and didn't want to admit she had complained and then wasn't going to admit she lied.

She has definitely morphed into "child" mode about 8/9 years old I reckon...

DH is laid back. He was running upstairs in an oh my little princess have I upset you? sort of way. Not an angry sort of way. He runs everywhere though. He’s a very enthusiastic, energetic, guileless sort of person.

I feel quite ganged up on though. DH will never hear a word against DD1, she is his golden child, though he denies it.

she was stomping around, nearly in tears, saying DH was driving her mad with the piano.

DH ran straight upstairs to question her and (unbeknown to me) DD denied being in any way annoyed

DD comes down and again says she’s not bothered.

this IS gaslighting...

* He’s a very enthusiastic, energetic, guileless sort of person.*

Who also doesn’t believe the word of his wife!

Lunch was only for 3 Love. DS2 was out and other two are moved out/ in uni.

DD1 has graduated and is trying to find her place in the world. I appreciate it is hard for her.

I just wish she’d hurry up.

Let her warm up her toast. Then there is no argument. Why do people insist on causing ructions with their children. I don't get it. How wrong can warming up toast get? She wasn't insisting on practising fireblowing.

Teens and young adults say things then forget they have said them straight away. I wouldn't dwell on toast or pianos op. Just enjoy your moments with your kids. They will be gone soon and your house will fall silent.

* DD1 and DH both having a go at me. I apologised several times and they carried on having a go at me. What’s wrong with you, why are you always so angry nowadays?Etc.*

Your DH really doesn’t sound laid back and lovely op

With pianogate, why not say, 'Have a word with your dad about the noise or put up with it. Stop stropping.' You don't need to act as her go between. People always shoot the messenger.

I have to admit I really can not stand toast unless is is straight out of the toaster warm. So I would have probably not wanted to eat it either but i would have just made another slice and offered my toast to the others. My dh thinks I'm made but it just tastes horrible to me cold/cool. I think you are all just stressed living in each others pockets again.

You need to do less for everyone OP. Pianogate = next time tell her to tell him herself. Toastgate= just make your own toast and eggs from now on, let everyone else get their own.
I'd start going out more and doing nice things for yourself

Hmmm I was right Toastgate was misleading, Pianogate is FAR more illuminating!

Appalling behaviour by both of them, no wonder you you are upset.

No advice but I'm sure others will have.

She's being a diva for wanting to stick her toast under the grill for 30 seconds?