What exactly is ‘family admin’ ?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I have a calendar on the fridge door. If there’s a parents evening, after school club or dentist appointment I write it on there.

It takes about 12 seconds.

What are mums doing that warrants ‘time set aside per week for family admin’?

Lola you are slightly missing the point. It IS a big deal and people feel overwhelmed and cannot just slot it in where they can. They worry about things in advance, it stresses them out that their child is going to a birthday party on saturday and they are not quite sure just how saturday morning is going to go cos little jimmy might just have a screaming fit (cos actually children are very very unpredicatable) or throw up, so maybe they are overegging it by ordering a present in advance or stressing it -why cannot everyone just have a naice present drawer or pick up something from sainsbury's when it is convenient They just don't know how bad things are going to be (sometimes family life can be utterly shit)

so in an attempt to prevent things going pearshaped, they will sometimes start being organised, super organised, painfully stressed about arrangements. But it isn't because they want to live life like that, it is because they feel judged by people like you, who insist it is all perfectly easy and we should never ever find these things hard or complicated

because if we had any common sense, it would all be perfectly do-able.

What most people I know don't do is sit and itemise every tiny thing they do.

Lola you’re either missing the point or being disingenuous. People are listing all the ‘tiny things’ to illustrate the point that these things need doing and take time. I doubt anyone actually lists them in real life as they go about their day! You clearly have people in your life who you feel make mountains out of molehills - but that’s not what this is. ‘Family admin’ is just a description of ‘life stuff’. It takes up time, more for some people than others. As you add more dependents to your life - and have less time for yourself - it can start to feel pretty onerous in some seasons of life.

I never felt stressed by ‘life admin’ before I was a parent.

I think everyone should be a bit more empathetic, frankly.

Except I'm not saying things are easy!

I'm saying that 90% of the stuff that those who love making a big deal of is entirely standard life stuff and most people don't go around listing every little thing they do to function in life.

Whether someone is a moaner/complainer / let me tell you how much more difficult things are for me than anyone else person or not is about their attitude. Often their lives are no more difficult than anyone else with young children/older children/adult children/caring for elderly relatives, it's just they make a big deal about it.

It's like in the workplace, you can have two colleagues doing a similar job and that job has a set of challenges and pressures. Colleague A would work through their list, complete the tasks, probably have a bit of a moan at lunch about an element that's getting on their nerves.
Colleague B would mentally break down each step into mini tasks, then every time they encounter someone in the office give them an update on what they've just done and how much more they've had to do, enter the lunch room and sigh to make to clear just how busy they are, and then when they've completed the task still be dining out on just how much they've done.

Meanwhile everyone else in the office is working just as hard, has their own tasks, their own challenges, their own moments with stupid managers and inefficient systems. Colleague B isn't any harder done to. They just go on about it more.

Lola so what you are saying is that Smemorata shouldn't admit or allocate 3 hours to "Family Admin* on the grounds that she doesn't have to do those things or could be doing them in a more efficient less scheduled manner and is in fact deluding herself that it is family admin at all, it is just something she likes organising that way and at that particular time.

Nope. I'm saying that any adult fits what needs doing into the time they havem sometimes people are pushed for time, sometimes life can get busy, sometimes life takes a dump on you from a height and it's really bloody difficult.

There's loads of different examples of how people manage their life stuff on this thread. It doesn't really matter if it works for them.

But, that in my experience most people do what they can and get on with things and those who tend to talk about "family admin" as a big job of largely normal life things tend to be the ones who also like to talk lots about how busy they are, and when they want to talk about how onerous something is, they don't say "do the kitchen", they'll itemise every little thing required to clean the kitchen, for example.

I would count things like

• checking money and budgeting
• financial admin (moving savings accounts around by the appropriate deadlines)
• arranging bills to get the best deal - gas, electric, insurances etc.
• checking reviews of new products so you know what the best fridge is to buy
• writing meal plans and grocery lists
• arranging all kinds of appointments from doctor/dentist to chimney sweep
• writing thank you/get well soon/birthday/anniversary cards and buying presents
• filing paperwork and discarding old documents that are no longer needed
• putting in the time to understand things like pensions, investments etc
• managing all of the above on behalf of other adults who can't manage on their own, especially elderly parents.

I think it can easily take an hour a week.

I spend a couple of hours a week on average sorting crap out... despite them being legally adults! Bills, appointments, budgets, paperwork of many kinds, got to renew dd1's pip which will take many hours

It's surely just "precious" people trying to make housework and home stuff sound more exciting/important?

Saying "I'm busy cleaning the bog" doesn't sound anywhere near as important or glamorous as "family admin" does it?

I don’t work full time because I’m not prepared to do “family admin” in “family time”

But, that in my experience most people do what they can and get on with things and those who tend to talk about "family admin" as a big job of largely normal life things tend to be the ones who also like to talk lots about how busy they are, and when they want to talk about how onerous something is, they don't say "do the kitchen", they'll itemise every little thing required to clean the kitchen, for example

I quite agree. I've also worked with people who do this at work. So,e people do genuinely struggle to be organised, others are just martyrs who like everyone to know how busy they are. It's all very tedious and in real life most people don't spend hours "researching" every little new appliance they buy or spend hours dealing with paperwork.

leigh
You hit the nail on the head.

Most people are doing what they need to do with their own struggles and challenges.

I've got one relative who is a super organised person and is stressed they've not completed their Christmas shopping yet (impressingly efficient person!), but she doesn't go on about how how Christmas shopping is such an easy job and takes one afternoon.
I've got another friend who has shit loads going on in her life and because of cuts in her council she's had some appalling battles to get her DS the SEND provision he needs. She's probably the busiest person I know, but she never goes on about how much of a nightmare it is to do the MOT and pay dinner money.

Neither pretend everything is glorious all the time, neither act like they're so much more hard done to as if nobody could possibly understand.

I've got one relative who is a super organised person and is stressed they've not completed their Christmas shopping yet (impressingly efficient person!), but she doesn't go on about how how Christmas shopping is such an easy job and takes one afternoon.

But that’s exactly what YOU are doing on this thread. The irony.....

She's probably the busiest person I know, but she never goes on about how much of a nightmare it is to do the MOT and pay dinner money.

That’s probably because to her, the other stuff is a priority, and uppermost in her mind. It absolutely DOES NOT mean that the MOT etc DOESN’T stress her out! It probably nearly tops them over the edge. There is only so much you can mention to a friend or acquaintance when they ask “what have you been up to then?”

If I were you, LolaSmiles, I would not try and judge others until you are a parent of a couple of junior school age kids yourself while also workijg FT and having responsibilities for your own parents/relatives with grandparents. Then you will really know the meaning of “family admin”

Ps to those wirh primary age kids, all the school family admin dies down a LOT once they get to secondary. It’s much easier.

I'm not judging people being busy. EVERYONE has things that are easy and difficult in their lives, and every one still had to get their utilities paid, do the food shop etc.

I just think that some people in life (in a range of situations) are the type of people who tot up a mental list of every tiny task they do and then use that to say "look at how busy I am..." And in my experience they are the ones who speak of "family admin",vs people getting on with life and then chatting when there's a tough spot.

Only on MN will people claim that there's not people who talk up how busy they are / act like entirely normal life things are a bigger deal for them than any adult on the planet.

MAybe they ARE a bigger deal to them? Who are you so judge how well someone else can handle a task which you find simple. Maybe it’s someone who isn’t good with computers, or figures? Or who has never grown up in a clean and tidy house so don’t know the efficient ways of doing stuff?

Stop being the judge of other people’s lives, it will come back to bite you on the bum.

Well....
Paying bills electric /oil/ credit card
Ordering oil
Arranging boiler service
Arranging decorator
Booking hair cuts -childrens
Booking orthodontist
Booking dentist 3x DCs
Arranging car services x2
Tax returns /general accounts/moving money into various accounts
Ordering gifts on line birthdays /recently Christmas
Ordering pet food
Booking dog/cat vaccines
Synchronising holiday booking/kennel /cattery
Renewing insurances house/cars/dental/BUPA stuff
Music lessons for youngest
Ordering gravel for drive delivery
Ordering flowers for mother in laws birthday
Sourcing frames to fit some prints I have ordered
Trying to source tickets for a concert in 2020
Then trying to arrange accomodation
Working out how Christmas will happen this year - gifts food ordering parties concerts etc.
Just a wee selection of family admin that I have been up to today.
DH and I work F/T 3 DCs older and two pets
Pretty normal life and fairly typical admin I would imagine.

Only on MN will people claim that there's not people who talk up how busy they are / act like entirely normal life things are a bigger deal for them than any adult on the planet

And only on MN do you get people who write out a list of things that when you read it can be summed up as "spending 20 minutes on the internet in front of the TV"

I dunno either op. Most of my "admin" used to be ringing up the places I owed bills to and asking for another week (eg please can you turn my broadband back on if I pay you 20 quid now, that sort of thing). That's quite time consuming!
I must be a very lazy arse parent because I just don't do half the stuff on these lists.
Never taken home a school pet.
I go to parent evening when I'm summoned. It's online and you just book a slot. I book one I can attend.
Um..I go to the dentist once a year, dc go twice a year. The next appointment is made when you go so I don't have to do anything but put it in my phone.
Sports clubs I pay fees termly also online. Sorting out car repairs, well, that's just life, like doing the shopping or vacuuming isn't it? If something goes wrong with the car I drop the keys thru the letterbox of the mechanic round the corner with a note and he comes by, looks at the car and rings me with a quote later.
I can't remember the last time anyone had an eye test. Is that bad?
I don't "meal plan" I buy what looks appealing and cook that.

Insurance is once a year. All the comparison sites remember your details so you just update what needs it.
I don't like to make work for myself!

You sound lucky rather than lazy Hepzibah!

Lucky that your school offers online parents evening booking and at times you can attend without arranging childcare
Lucky your kids sports clubs don't involve any tournaments or gradings or events at tricky times that they need taking to
Lucky that dentist appointments can be made at times which don't require any time off work or childcare organised
Lucky you have the time and budget to shop and cook as and when without planning
Lucky your kids don't have any medical issues that require extra appointments

@HepzibahGreen I don't think you are lazy, just normal.

3 DD’s, I’m another who puts it all on the fridge, all my shopping is done online after kids have gone to bed even grocery shopping, only time I go to the shops is with eldest DD to pick her own clothes and that and we also tend to join a meal in with this shopping trip and have time together just us two, bills are all paid directly out of bank account, appointments for dentist and opticians I make them all together twice a year, as for things like spring cleaning I do them when I know it’s been afew months, normal cleaning I just got things I do each day of the week and know them such as washing bedding and clothes and ironing, cleaning bathroom, only things I take time out to manage is school things and school work and they clubs and interests and organise them

I suspect people who "tot up" the time taken are less likely to be single and more likely to be people in a relationship plus dc (and let's face it, most likely to be women because, well, patriarchy). Sometimes dh and I might both look like we are sitting entertaining ourselves on our respective tablets, but he is genuinely doing what he feels like and I am doing online shopping/reserving presents at Argos/ordering dc school dinners/paying credit cards/checking the school app and adding to calendar/paying our childminder etc. So if I choose to label that time as "family admin" it is to name it as a piece of work - as what isn't noticed isn't acknowledge or appreciated.

I make lists of everything I have to do because I’m a single parent.

Just like i make lists of everything I have to do for work.

But then I’m not the type who is interested in discussing any part of my life particularly and I actually like my friends

I've read this thread and I've come to the conclusion that I am either super-efficient - or easily pleased. Probably a mix of both. For example, it takes me 2 mins to make a hair appointment online if I didn't do it at the last appointment and it would never occur to me to categorise it as an "admin task". I just do it and it's done (and it's not a chore, isn't getting your hair done a nice thing?)

As for the easily pleased, yes it may take a little while to research options for a holiday. But see above - isn't a holiday a nice thing? So it's not "admin", it's preparation to do something nice.

What isn't nice, and is tedious and annoying, is filling in delay repay claims for DH when his trains are late. Because the process has been made as irksome and difficult as possible but I refuse to let them off the hook and be too lazy to do it, which is what they are counting on.

What isn't nice, and is tedious and annoying, is filling in delay repay claims for DH when his trains are late.

Why are you doing this and not DH?