What exactly is ‘family admin’ ?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I have a calendar on the fridge door. If there’s a parents evening, after school club or dentist appointment I write it on there.

It takes about 12 seconds.

What are mums doing that warrants ‘time set aside per week for family admin’?

I don’t know why I am surprised by the way this thread has wound up.

Why does anybody feel they can sneer at someone doing things a different way? Do they get it done? Hopefully. Do you get a gold star for being the greatest multitasker and efficiency expert on earth and getting things done in 12 seconds per task? Maybe your family will give you one.

Does that mean that you are probably just not being honest about how long something takes? Most likely yes! It also probably means that you are not having to deal with ‘issues’ and are doing very straightforward stuff.

Please tell me why somebody grouping the admin kind of tasks to do or doing at a set time is being shamed by people only doing it slotted amongst other daily activities.

Yes, standard straightforward transactional admin is quick... but do you all have someone do the other things? or do you not consider that as an administrative task so that it doesn’t fall into the perview of life or family admin or whatever you call it?

Oops a sarcasm bypass going on here.

I agree that most of the stuff people refer to as 'family admin' is just basic adult/parent life stuff. Yes, it does take up headspace and it can be quite stressful at times, but it's just life isn't it?

But then we are not one of these families who are talking loudly about how 'busy' we are, how we are ferrying the kids to 3 different after school clubs every night, constantly rushing here there and everywhere (looking at you SIL).

My kids do a bit of extra curricular stuff each and then we also get plenty of relaxation time as well.

The only exception I would make is if you or one of the kids has a medical condition or additional needs, as the admin/appointments/meetings that come with that can be colossal. I had a quite serious illness a couple of years ago and although I wasn't working, at times, just keeping on top of and attending all the medical appts, medication etc was like a full time job!

@LolaSmiles - haha but if people like to live in an organised way (not me but DH is like this) why is that a bad thing? If it makes them and their families happy to not get too many duplicates of food and get good value stuff - why not? Some people pay for nannies and cleaners (I have heard of people having a family PA). Sure some people do all those things as well as a job, but some busy, high earners pay for other people do these things coz it works for them - just like some people do diy and others pay for a tradesman.

Family admin makes me laugh when I see it. It’s literally just family life.

Phoning to book appointments, organising nursery/school related stuff, updating insurance etc just comes with the territory of you know...living.

My husband and I work full time, him over 4 days, me over 3. We have 3yr old twins who are moving from childminder to nursery, are decorating a house/moving from another and are dealing with the bills and accounts relating to a family bereavement. It’s not admin.

I have a friend who send her 15 months old to nursery one morning per week specifically so she can do her family admin!

I, however, have no idea exactly what the term means.

Banking/ changing supplier / sorting out repair men
My job

Namenic
Being organised is great.

I was more highlighting two very different attitudes.

I know people who batch cook who are still Person A (what am I going to eat this week, go shopping, buy food).

It's more that people who are person B seem to positively thrive on ensuring every step of every task is recorded on their mental list of "all the family admin I've done".

E.g. 2 people with 2 kids each.

Person A - here's the school newsletter, athletics starts next half term and there's a school trip needs booking. Makes mental note to check DC has trainers that fit, note that Tuesday is a later pickup for big one, and signs onto the school system for the trip/fills in letter and puts in bag. Dinner money is paid weekly as usual.

Person B - I'm so busy because nobody ever thinks of all the little jobs that take so much time and mental energy. We've just got the newsletter from school and I've had to go through the and calendar the relevant dates so that we know where DC is mean to be, then someone's got to schedule time to audit their sports kit for athletics and that will probably mean a new pair of trainers so that's another job to sort, I need to check my schedule to check I'm free to pick up eldest because now there's two school runs to do once a week and that's another layer of stress and logistics. I've had to go through the trip material as well and complete all the admin for the trip and ensure payment has been done. That's not even starting on sorting the dinner money every week. It's like people don't stop to think about how all these things get done because it isn't the admin fairy.

Person A and B are just as organised. They're both doing the same life stuff that comes from family life, but A gets on with it because it's life and parenting whilst B makes a fuss about how "family admin" and almost revels in every little task they can add to their list. They're probably excited this week to be able to add "ensure DC has 50p for the poppy collection" to their list because it's another task they can moan about.

@GrotbagsBetterLookingSister
I refer you to @CharityConundrum's post at 00:44:57

You spend no time looking for a phone deal (as your example) and are paying £21 pm. that's 3x what I am paying. That matters a lot to a lot of families. By the taking and fetching - I was referring to things like cubs, not the daily school run. However, clearly we are all in different situations
My week / month looks more like @BrieAndChilli's. but I don't see it as a competition.

all that said, I've never used the phrase 'family admin'

Excellent post @EssentialLeap at 01:27:32

Wow, OP you are so amazing and so much better than other parents. We could all learn a lot from you.
Does that help?

I do laugh every time I hear family admin as apart from those with SEN children or those who are ill themselves these tasks are just family life and for those working full time things such as making appointments are done in lunch breaks.

I have a diary which I check on a Sunday and is updated with school dates, work dates, family plans, DS sports events, social events and on a weekend we plan accordingly. I say we but despite us both discussing I do it as DH works although he does hekp out when he can.

Things can take as little or much time as you make them.

Lolasmiles but surely that’s just down to different attitudes / personalities, and the same people will make heavy work of whatever tasks they need to do. It’s not exclusive to women organising their home and family life. I’ve worked with people who made a big deal over answering emails or returning phone calls, or other tasks that are just part of the job. They weren’t working harder than anyone else, just making more of a song and dance about it.

Just like some people are on death’s door when they have a cold, and others are stoics who don’t mention it.

Mrsfrumble
It is different attitudes.

In my experience the people who call "family admin" tend to be the fussy ones who make a big deal over what the rest of us otherwise know as "life".

I wonder a bit what it is too. All our bills are on DD so no admin there and as long as the insurance premium doesn't go up by a stupid amount I don't bother switching.

Today I did two delay repay claims which are tedious and annoying so you can have those!

Tomorrow I need to write a cheque for my son's college trip.

And I've arranged for someone to come and fit some new plug sockets for us in a couple of weeks' time.

I genuinely can't think of anything else. Occasional dentist/hygienist appointments. Thankfully ds is past the stage of having a brace and going to the orthodontist.

DH does the supermarket shop, I used to do it online but he likes choosing stuff. He's welcome to it!

There is a lot of sneering on this thread, along with a heavy dose of bitchiness and a measure of martyrdom.

I speak as someone who has done all permutations. I have been a totally SAHM (to pre-schoolers, with DH working away/v long hours ), worked only at the weekend when youngest turned one (with DH doing childcare), upped my PT hours when youngest was infant age and then gradually increasing to FT when youngest was early juniors.

I am laughing at the suggestion of making appointments in my breaks. I don’t get any. I’m not being a martyr, I am in a department of one in a school and there is just no-one to cover me. Most other staff do a lunch duty And it’s the same for them too. I don’t want to book my smear test within earshot of teenage boys, thanks. Anyway, it’s hard to speak on the phone to make appointment while you’re trying to eat a sandwich in 5 mins.

I can tell you now that if I could wave a magic wand and DH and I could have a PA who could do all the stuff this thread mentions then our life would be so much easier and happier. Our lives were the most happy and satisfying when I was working PT and could fit in the “life/family admin” with ease while still getting my fulfilment at work. We have never and will not get a cleaner for various reasons that I won’t go into.

I totally see the value of being able to come home after working 8-9 hours a day without a break, without then having to start doing a load of cooking and cleaning, washing and ironing, and THEN sit and do shitty “life admin” stuff on top. For me this has included being an executor to a relative’s estate on top of all the other stuff. DH is working this weekend for the second weekend running. He is already at work by 6.30 each morning and is often home after 6pm. So there is no-one else doing all this stuff.

It is fucking HARD WORK. I often joke to DH that we need a PA/housekeeper. both of us thankfully appreciate that having someone do the non-work admin stuff when you’re both parents working FT in demanding jobs, in a family sized home, is such a valuable thing. Life admin is so easy when you’re a young energetic couple in your 20s in junior roles at work and a tiny flat and no kids and your own parents are still relatively young and fit.

So please don’t sneer at someone saying that all that shit that people have Listed ok this thread takes a lot of time. Yes, it really does. And yes, people DO do have todo both when they’re working FT and have kids. But let’s face it, it’s shit and exhausting to do it all yourself with no cleaner/gardener etc and you’re middle-Aged and knackered, with ageing parents who need you as well as teenagers who go to bed later than you do.

That said I do smile to myself when I hear SAHP of teenage kids say they’ve had a busy day and they seem all stressed and tired, and on hearing more, it turns out that “busy” meant a few hours of gardening and a food shop. I guess it becomes relative after a while. But that’s not to say that there is no value in having that stuff done for you.

4 kids, 2 adults and a lot of animals. Frankly it all takes as much time as I have available. Kids and DH are out from 7-7. And 7-1.30 on Wednesdays. I work in the same town 45 mins away, but random hours.

I like the concept of family admin because that's what it resembles for me. The admin I did when I just had myself and a few pets to sort out was far less than I do currently.

2 kids are with us every other week which means availability is further limited for appointments

Dentist
Doctor
3 monthly travel passes
3 monthly train passes
Pick up and drop of at school
Biweekly orthophoniste appointments for 2 kids
Paying elec etc. Keeping on top of bills - cash in right account etc
Washing
Ironing (outsourced)
Clubs
Matches
Competitions
Parents evenings
Endless forms from school
Checking and facilitating homework

3 vehicles
Vets
Vaccinations
Worming
Feet
Teeth
Feeding
Cleaning
Shit shoveling
4 cats
1 dog
1 herd of sheep
2 horses
Ducks
Chickens

Holidays require a lot of comparing options.

Travel to departure point
Ferry
Flights
Hire car
Accommodation
Animal care while absent

Christmas for a fucking huge family-months of thought goes into that.

Great post @CurlyhairedAssassin. I hadn't even begun to think about the admin involved in helping my elderly parents pack up and move and list their old house and appoint agents and transfer their complex medical cases and make the new house fit for dementia & wheelchair ridden geriatrics. But I totted it up earlier in the year and I have missed 20 working days (I work from home, self-employed.) That's a month's salary down the drain just doing family admin for my parents.

no one has mentioned booking haircuts!

I cut DD's hair (badly) and I rarely (once every 3/4 years) get mine done.

OH sorts himself out.

afternoonspray

Caring responsibility for elderly relatives isn't family admin though, just like nobody with any sense would argue that arranging a multitude of appointments and services for a child with medical or moderate/severe SEND needs is standard family admin.

I don't think anyone would argue that.

I've also never known anyone with lots of caring responsibility do the whole "family admin... Look at my list" thing either.

But doesn’t everyone just put those things under the bracket of “family/life admin”, @LolaSmiles? It’s not paid work and it’s not leisure/hobbies/relaxing time so isn’t it just what the rest of life is? It’s stuff you HAVE to do, rather than what you CHOOSE to do.

I mean, if you were splitting hairs, you could argue that if you were a horrible person you could CHOOSE not to help out elderly relatives etc, I suppose. Most people do it because they want to, because it’s the right thing to do.

I think people use the term “life admin/family admin” very loosely, so. Sometimes a bit tongue in cheek. It’s just all the shit that you feel obligated to do, because life will go wrong/be unpleasant if you don’t do it.

Anything to do with kids is parenting. Not admin.

Taking them to classes, helping with homework etc. Booking their appointments. It's just good old fashioned parenting.

All the stuff that most of us fit in around a full time job.

Wtf, so many people blarting on about things like car insurance and MOTs and, upthread, house painting and replacing windows, as if these are things you have to sort out on a weekly basis!

OK, so any admin regarding the kids is just 'parenting'
and any admin regarding the house is just 'housework'
and any admin regarding the pets is just 'pet care'
and any admin regarding your own appointments, hobbies or volunteering is just 'personal admin'
and any admin regarding elderly relatives or children with SEN is just 'caring responsibilities'
and any admin regarding cars or transport or works on the house or booking holidays is just 'occasional admin that you don't do on a weekly basis'
and all the extra admin involved in Christmas is just 'organising Christmas'

I'm so glad we don't have a handy little two word phrase to cover all the daily/weekly/occasional admin involved in running a family that everyone has to do to various extents and takes more than 12 seconds a day to do....