What exactly is ‘family admin’ ?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I have a calendar on the fridge door. If there’s a parents evening, after school club or dentist appointment I write it on there.

It takes about 12 seconds.

What are mums doing that warrants ‘time set aside per week for family admin’?

Home improvement (if it is too big a job for yourself) requires a lot of research and management.

If you're remodelling your entire house, yes. But if you're just getting eg the gutters cleaned out, house painted, garden cleared then it is a 5 min google and a phone call.

I find that life admin or family admin is generally used by SAHM of nt school age children to justify nit getting a job.

Now for the flaming.......

I find that life admin or family admin is generally used by SAHM of nt school age children to justify nit getting a job

Who cares if that’s their reason for not getting a job? If it works for them as a family?

I'd love to be a SAHM and get all the family admin done between 9am-3pm so it doesn't leak into evenings and weekends.

There's no point feeling bitter and jealous about other people though.

Crikey, do people literally find any stick to bash others with.

gleam
The point is that almost every task used in a discussion where the reason is talking about "family admin" is entirely normal tasks that form part of adult life.

The only people I've spoken to online or offline who feel the need to witter about "family admin" are people who want a good bloody star for functioning as an adult or to signal just how super busy they are (because no other adult on the planet has had to pay their utility bills).

DH booked the vets appointment this week, I had to check our family arrangements for Christmas. Neither of us thought "oooh we're doing family admin, I best add this mundane task to the list of things I can whine about doing when I want to seem busy". We just got on with it.

Today he's decorating the nursery. I'm checking what's left on our list of things to get. That's part of having a baby on the way, so we just get on with it.

Even on this thread some are talking about how "family admin" highlights what's involved and means recognising all these tasks, who need recognition for functioning as an adult? Well done, you did the food shop yesterday... So did millions of other adults.

@JacquesHammer I don't, honestly. I don't give a shit. I just find it slightly concerning that they often feel they have to justify their own life decisions and wonder if there's a back story or f they are married to a twat.

Then I crack on with my own life.

Lola, why do you think 'family admin' means things that aren't mundane, normal and necessary That really is exactly what the term means?
Just because something is mundane and normal doesn't mean it doesn't take up time, cause stress, make you busy.

Childcare and housework are everyday things that people have to do, but if we ban mentioning/complaining about it then mumsnet would be pretty quiet...

Maybe you need to find some new friends if you are so stressed by people 'wittering' and 'whining' about family admin! When my friends and I talk about how busy we are with childcare, work, admin etc we're supportive of each other. Just because they are things everyone has to do doesn't mean it doesn't get overwhelming sometimes.

gleam
What I've said is that all the fuss people make when they say "family admin" is absolutely just normal life. It doesn't need dressing up as some big deal.
Just in my experience those who go on about "family admin" tend to also be those who want a gold star for doing basic tasks, and also like to keep mental scores of every tiny thing they do.

It's like what I said earlier:

Person A and B both need to sort food for the week.

Person A: What are we eating this week? Goes shopping, buys food. Person A may decide it's a bit of a ballache at times but it needs doing so they get on with it.

Person B: Mentally counts up every step of the process and adds it to their mental list of all these jobs they have to do and so will sit an witter about how they had to hunt for slow cooker recipes around a long day on Thursday, then they had to plan the weekly meals, then they had to schedule going to the supermarket, then they had to do the shop. Each task is recorded to them as yet another thing that makes them so busy.
Person B is the sort of person who tends to be the "family admin" type. They don't just see things as "shit that needs doing because that's life" and see everything as s some onerous list of things that seemingly only they do.

People who are person A will have the odd whine and moan because life can be a pain in the backside at times.
Person B acts like nobody else on earth ever possibly manages because they're always drowning under all this "admin" but most of it is probably because they spend half their time fixating on how busy they are (like the home version of the workplace fusser who is always so so so busy).

It's like the person on an almost identical thread to this a few months ago who was arguing that they're so overwhelmed and family admin is a drain because "who organises the family photographs".

I just find it slightly concerning

How philanthropic.

I've never met these people. How odd.

Even normal family life can be stressful and overwhelming by the way.

Lola - are you expecting your first baby?

You've never met anyone who has a habit of positively loving listing how busy they are / how hard they work / how much they do in the house, talking up how utterly exhausing their life is etc?

We're expecting our first baby but have had other family situations with caring at the adult/other end of life that I'm not sharing online.

This thread is full of replies on "what admin I've done today". One of the biggest "family admin" types I know has no children though, another I've drifted from due to a revolving door of drama surrounding men before friends, and another is a family friend with adult children who've long left him who thankfully we don't see that often. They exist in the workplace too. Having children doesn't make someone a "look how busy I am please give me a gold star for doing life things" person.

*long left home

You've never met anyone who has a habit of positively loving listing how busy they are / how hard they work / how much they do in the house, talking up how utterly exhausing their life is etc?
Er...no. Where do you meet these people?
I do know a lot of mums with multiple children, elderly parents, jobs, volunteer roles etc though and we are all pretty busy. Lots of admin involved in keeping the whole thing going.

Once you have children and schools to deal with you might find 'family admin' is a little more time consuming than you currently imagine!

@HazeyJane please pay no attention to the belittling from some posters. I feel like I'm slowly crawling out the other side and regaining confidence I lost [organisational related and SEN related] my children are older and I feel I made the right call nevetheless not to go on juggling and pushing myself (regardless that the OP thinks none of this any trouble to "Sort") at a particular stage, and to accept that things were very tough and that I genuinely needed more time than 12 seconds...

to all lurkers and posters on here who find organising "normal" life with normal children actually overwhelming and exhausting, whether they work or not. Being told that it is all in your mind and you are micromanaging is not really helpful. Yes there are hacks that can make things easier (oven chips) but the man who decided to train his horse to eat less - well the horse collapses and dies just when the man is congratulating himself on the success of his "method".

Frankly who cares what it is called?

Has there been a sale on judgey pants this week?

Seems to be some very broad generalizations being made on this thread based on some firmly held prejudices on what a group of tasks are called and whether regular ones are done at a time set in a dairy.

Darn it diary not dairy!!!

Lola I do agree with you that family admin is an officious label for something we all do.
But I do not agree that there isn't anything difficult and time consuming about it.
I think life with a small baby will be an education in how much time seemingly simple and delightful baby related activities can take, and how little time there seems to do much else.

Has there been a sale on judgeypants this week?
that made me smile...

Goodness there’s some extremely annoying posts on this thread. Such lack of empathy.

Christ, does it matter if it’s called family admin or family life?

What have you been up to today?
Oh, you know, just family admin stuff.
Like what?
Oh, you know, appointments, bills and what have you.

What have you been up to today?
Oh, you know, just family life stuff.
Like what?
Oh, you know, appointments, bills and what have you.

It’s not making it out to be a bigger job than it is - but it is a job. There’s shit loads more “admin” in my life because I am a parent. It’s not “parenting” I’m doing when I fill in a form, it’s paperwork related to parenting aka admin.

And it’s really unpleasant to sneer at people - women - who find it a more onerous part of life than just sticking a date on a calendar.

Nettleskeins
I don't doubt things have their own challenges. It's horses for courses though. And having new and different challenges doesn't turn someone into a fusser who loves keeping score.

But for example, not once when I was dealing with adult care and associated challenges did I sit and make a list about how onerous those things are as part of "family admin" (I mean I could have said "and I had to research X, and I had to schedule Y, and I had to call Z etc" but I didn't because you know what that's just life and sometimes stuff gets thrown your way and needs getting on with), just like most of my friends don't huff and puff about how they have to "schedule the shops" around feeds. They just do it because they have a baby and that means life has changed.

Life has all sorts of challenges for people in different ways, just most people are busy getting on with what life throws at them and don't happen to spend their time turning a basic task into a multiple tasks list that they can then add to their mental list of 'family admin'.

My issue isn't that life can be tricky or stressful or things can be a ballache, it's that there's a certain type of person who seems to delight in being the most busy / the most overwhelmed / keeping mental score of everything they're doing.

Meanwhile, most people are also getting on with life but don't feel the need to seek a gold star for doing it.

Lola, you really come across as wanting a gold star for just getting on with life You've posted some lengthy posts about how easy it is to fit "family admin" with no children into your life.

Schedule the shops around feeds

is that meant to mean we should be scheduling the shops around feeds or not?

I seem to remember there was no such thing as "a feed". There was "feeding" that continued more or less most of the day and night.

Nettleskeins been there! I remember occasionally feeding in the supermarket.

Lola, you really come across as wanting a gold star for just getting on with life grinYou've posted some lengthy posts about how easy it is to fit "family admin" with no children into your life
I've not said anything is easy.

I've said repeatedly there's a weird attitude at both extremes where:

1. Claim that they can sort their insurance in 13 seconds despite being on hold for 10 mins and want to wow everyone with their efficiency
2. The people who spend a lot of time bemoaning how hard it is for them listing every tiny element of life like they're the only people on earth to get the shop etc and those people are the types who tend to use the phrase "family admin"

And then have said repeatedly that most people are in the middle just getting on with life because that's life. Most people have their own challenges in life, and most people don't keep some odd list in their head about how much they do.

Nettle Most people I know slot what they can where they can and do their best (be it elderly relatives, children with SEND needs, partners who need support, babies etc).

What most people I know don't do is sit and itemise every tiny thing they do.

For example on this thread alone, some people have acted like paying utility bills is family admin, booking the car for a yearly service is another oneous task etc. Yet most people do this all the time, and funnily enough manage just fine to do this with their own life challenges without acting like it's some big deal.

I don't think anyone is saying it is a big deal but I spend about 3 hours a week on family admin. I know this because I do it mainly on Monday morning and it takes me almost all the morning. That all adds up. It's all time I wish I could spend on something else!