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Original poster

Should I tell DDs friends parents of abortion?

272 replies

Iwouldwanttoknow · 22/10/2019 12:48

NC as I don't want this linked to usual name.

Dd is 15, she has spent Sunday with her best friend (also 15, will refer to her as A). She told DD she is 6 weeks pregnant (has boyfriend the same age). After some persuasion from DD , A agreed she could tell me as needs help. Yesterday A came round, I spoke to her and she wants an abortion however she has begged me not tell her parents as they are very religious (they are JW). I'm really torn as I think her parents should know but A is saying they will disown her and throw her out. But if it was DD I would want to know. A is coming round later and I have arranged for her to have some counselling privately tomorrow as the wait was too long via the NHS (but I really feel as if I'm over stepping even here). I don't know much about JW as a religion but as with all religions there is some who will follow it more strictly than others. I spoke to DD privately and she said from what A has said before this A's parents seem very strict and she is worried A would do something to harm herself if I told her parents.

What should I do? Inform the parents or just support A? I think its because I keep thinking I would want a parent to inform me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwouldwanttoknow · 22/10/2019 16:49

Actually sorry if the previous post came across as defensive, I realise most posters are trying to help. I think I'm stressed, worried and don't know what's wrong or right. I'm trying to be led by her and professional advice. Arrghhhh time for a cuppa.

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 16:51

Why do you feel stressed and worried?

IdblowJonSnow · 22/10/2019 16:52

Ffs absolutely not.Angry

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2019 16:53

I wonder if you’ve accidentally ended up in the position of the responsible adult dealing with her-it really shouldn’t be you.

I’d phone the school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. Have a “theoretical” conversation and ask them what needs to happen for them to support a student in that position. Or go to back to Brooke. Somebody with training needs to be dealing with this since her parents aren’t involved. You’re just a kind mum who’s got drawn in to this.

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2019 16:54

Why do you feel stressed and worried?

Seriously? Confused

The op is organising an abortion for a child who isn’t hers! That’s got to be pretty stressful and worrying.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 16:56

I agree with Purple. If this was me, I'd empathise and let her know I was on her side, I'd make my home available to her any time, I'd make sure she has the numbers she needs and give her a hug. There's no need for all this hand-wringing and stressing.

IdblowJonSnow · 22/10/2019 16:57

I would also ask for this thread to be deleted in case there is anything identifying on it. Haven't read the whole 9 pages.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 16:57

Oh sorry Purple I don't agree with you there. The patient organises their own abortion. This is a time for empathy and concern, not questioning what's right or wrong and stressing. We're the adults here.

Inthemoment38 · 22/10/2019 16:59

I agree with everyone else, do not tell them.

This poor girl is lucky she has your dd and you to help her.

northerngirl2012 · 22/10/2019 17:00

You're totally doing the right thing OP. Glad that she has you!

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2019 17:01

The patient organises their own abortion. This is a time for empathy and concern, not questioning what's right or wrong and stressing. We're the adults here.

I know, but I was explaining why the op is feeling likely to be feeling stressed now. The patient SHOULD be organising their own abortion, but from the op’s posts she’s taken on a fair bit of the responsibility herself. That’s not right.

SoupDragon · 22/10/2019 17:02

The patient SHOULD be organising their own abortion, but from the op’s posts she’s taken on a fair bit of the responsibility herself. That’s not right.

The girl is asking the OP to do it. That is organising it.

Tumbleweed101 · 22/10/2019 17:04

Had a similar situation when DD’s friend found out she was pregnant at 18. I was there when she got the positive test.

All I could do was gently encourage her to talk to her mum. Eventually she did but I was still the adult she trusted through the pregnancy as her mum wanted her to terminate.

She kept the baby in the end and nan is now smitten lol.

So keep her confidence but encourage to speak to her family or seek support from professionals.

JE17 · 22/10/2019 17:05

Just wanted to say that you sound wonderful OP, A is lucky to have your caring support.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 17:05

And that's why I agree with you, Purple.

I actually didn't realise it was legal to arrange an abortion on someone else's behalf.

SoupDragon · 22/10/2019 17:12

The girl spoke to the Brooke people herself.

Pidge40 · 22/10/2019 17:12

You're in a difficult situation but I probably wouldn't tell her parents, my step sister got pregnant at 16, we were brought up in a very religious family... Her mother went mad and she was kicked out of the family home. It was back in the 90s but still.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 17:15

I know, soup.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/10/2019 17:17

When I did this for my niece it was 'pre-MAP', so a surgical abortion. I'm not familiar with the 'timing' involved in the MAP, but couldn't it be timed so that she took the pills at times where she could be at the OP's house 'for the day' when they were expected to 'work'?

notacooldad · 22/10/2019 17:18

I am JW and I know for sure she would be treated with love and respect over something like this
You dont know that at all! You know how you would treat someone but you dont know how this girls parents would react.

Derbee · 22/10/2019 17:20

OP, no advice as you seem to be handling it all, despite the stress and anxiety of it all. Just wanted to say well done for being an adult that a young person in desperate need can rely on. Your DD and her friend are very lucky.

Derbee · 22/10/2019 17:25

I am JW and I know for sure she would be treated with love and respect over something like this

And clearly don’t fall for this! Confused

catyrosetom2 · 22/10/2019 17:25

Another No vote. Please don’t!

ShadyFP · 22/10/2019 17:36

I’m so glad you decided not to tell them. I have a friend who is in a JW family and is gay, and has to stay in the closet until he can earn enough to move out or risk being kicked out of the family and losing his whole family. His sibling got divorced, and was not allowed to return home, and their parents didn’t talk to them for over a year.

It’s a difficult situation but you’re doing the right thing.

dietcokemum · 22/10/2019 17:40

I am JW and I know for sure she would be treated with love and respect over something like this

There was sod-all love and respect for the teenage girl who needed a blood transfusion when I was a hospital doctor. We had to override her neglectful parents who wouldn't give her permission and take it to court. I gather there is very little love and respect for those who want to leave the cult faith. Please don't fall for this OP.