Should I tell DDs friends parents of abortion?

[Iwouldwanttoknow]

NC as I don't want this linked to usual name.

Dd is 15, she has spent Sunday with her best friend (also 15, will refer to her as A). She told DD she is 6 weeks pregnant (has boyfriend the same age). After some persuasion from DD , A agreed she could tell me as needs help. Yesterday A came round, I spoke to her and she wants an abortion however she has begged me not tell her parents as they are very religious (they are JW). I'm really torn as I think her parents should know but A is saying they will disown her and throw her out. But if it was DD I would want to know. A is coming round later and I have arranged for her to have some counselling privately tomorrow as the wait was too long via the NHS (but I really feel as if I'm over stepping even here). I don't know much about JW as a religion but as with all religions there is some who will follow it more strictly than others. I spoke to DD privately and she said from what A has said before this A's parents seem very strict and she is worried A would do something to harm herself if I told her parents.

What should I do? Inform the parents or just support A? I think its because I keep thinking I would want a parent to inform me.

[Beautiful3]

Can you take her to a clinic to talk to someone? If she does decide to have the abortion the she will need to know and access some form of reliable contraception.

[stophuggingme]

Why would you even consider telling this young woman’s parents when you know they will react in the worst way possible?

There are very good reasons she has not told them and for you to change that knowing precisely the circumstances which have led to her reticence to do so would amount to a total betrayal of both her and your own daughter.

Furthermore if it all comes out and they discover you knew then quite frankly why do you especially care; these people would disown their own child because she has fallen pregnant!

Just hold your head up high, you are being more of a parent to this young woman than her own mother and father are.

But if you do help her seek and obtain a termination then please do not let her go home afterwards in secrecy in case she is unwell afterwards.

As an aside , If I were you I would consider this situation with your daughter’s friend a sign that you are doing a good job of being a parent

[BaronessBomburst]

Another vote for don't tell her parents.
Her relationship with them is likely to break down sooner or later anyway, but preferably later to give her the time and maturity to cope with it better.
JW's are strictly anti-abortion and she will be forced into keeping the baby, whilst simultaneously being shunned by the whole community. It will be an impossible situation for her.

[Pcosmama]

No I wouldn't tell her parents. Support her, keep her trust and set a good example to DD. Don't cause her any more unnecessary suffering.

[Shinysun]

Take her to family planning, they are experienced and can offer her the information she needs.

[Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah]

Don't project your response onto them. They will not react like you would Do not tell the parents. Help her, don't hang her out to dry.

[Iwouldwanttoknow]

Someone asked earlier about my own views, I am very pro-choice so theres no conflict in my feelings about her wanting an abortion. I asked about contraception- they were using condoms. But I just need to get through this first before I can talk to her more about contraception.

I'm trying to work out a way for her to stay with us overnight as she isn't allowed sleep overs. I know her parents aren't keen on her and DD being friends, and A has been lying about working on a school project to spend time at our house.

[Sagradafamiliar]

Abortion providers give counselling and support and have measures in place for girls in your DD's friend's situation.
I'm not sure where the GUM clinic comes into. You could have signposted her to the relevant professionals who could/will help her and take a step back.

[Sagradafamiliar]

You're overstepping.

[PearlsBeforeWine]

There's no way I'd tell any religious parents least of all JW. Her life would be hellish.

I had a BF whose parents were JW and he was totally browbeaten by it until he left home

[ilovepinkgin33]

Do not by any means break this girls trust, also your daughters, she loves and trusts you enough to tell her friend that you will help and support her

[NoSquirrels]

Marie Stopes can arrange without your GP. Call BPAS.

Here’s the NHS page- in particular

If you don't want to tell anyone, your details will be kept confidential. If you're under 16, your parents don't usually need to be told. Information about an abortion doesn't go on your medical record

www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/

[Passthecherrycoke]

Sorry ignore my post- I misread the one above thinking they needed someone over 16 to accompany

[Drogosnextwife]

When I was 15, my friends mum took me round all different chemist's to try and find one that was open to get me the morning after pill on a Sunday. I know it's not the same but I was so grateful to her for not telling my parents and helping me out. I don't think you should tell them.

[herewegoagainughhh]

@Iwouldwanttoknow as previously mentioned you can call bpas directly to arrange the termination. The gp does not have to be involved. The staff there are lovely and they also offer counselling before/after if I am not mistaken.

[Enko]

Normally I would suggest you support the girl to speak with her parents as like you I would want to know to support my child. However with JW I have no doubt she will not be minimising what the effect will be and at her age ahe may not yet be able to say I can do this alone. Sounds like she eventually will.

[HappyHedgehog247]

I’m so glad you’ve decided not to tell. I realise it’s a big responsibility that has been placed on you. I’ve come into professional contact with young women who are from JW families. They need support.

[whiskersonkittenss]

I think it's lovely that your daughter and her friend trust you so much. I would have loved to have an adult like you in my life when I was a teen. Definitely don't tell the friends parents.

[Brefugee]

Don't tell them. She has placed her trust in you - i can't imagine how desperate she's feeling to have done that.

Please help her.

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

Another vote for not telling her parents. Is there an NHS sexual health clinic near you OP? A friend of mine got pregnant when she was 15, and couldn't tell her parents. My mum helped arrange an appointment for her, and it was all done very swiftly, with very little problems.

Just wanted to say also that you & your DD must be very close for her to be able to come to you with this. I never appreciated at the time just how easy it was for me to say to my mum 'A is pregnant, but wants a termination, can you help?'. I just took for granted that she would understand and know best what to do.

[NearlyNov]

You sound like a wonderful and caring mother and person. Your DD is lucky to have you as her mother and her friend is lucky to have someone as trustworthy as you in her corner.

I agree with those directing the girl to speak with Marie Stopes. Everything is confidential and they offer counselling afterwards. Nothing is entered into one's medical records - everything is held in confidence. It also would be worth inviting the girl for a 'sleepover' for a couple of nights so she can recover.

[ZoyaDestroyer]

@Iwouldwanttoknow I would like to echo PP to say dint tell them, but I think you have already decided not to, so I just want to say thank you for being there for this girl, you are incredible and I would hope if ever any of my DC were in trouble they would have an adult like you there for them.

[SamBeckettslastleap]

I get why you feel like you should tell them. She is a child and I completely understand that you feel more responsible for her than you would if it was your DD. There must be a family planning clinic near you, I had one without using my real name after being referred from fp clinic as I didn't want my gp (family friend) to know.
Family planning can also help with contraception.

[Sagradafamiliar]

She will be given contraception at the abortion appointment. They won't let her leave without depo or something as reliable. This is all part of the medical care.
Let her call the clinic directly. Let the experts take charge.

[HappySonHappyMum]

I would keep my daughters trust and no tell. With regard to the sleepover I would message the parents and ask if their DD could stay over as you were planning on a day out to do with the project your daughters have been working on together and it will be an early start.