What do you ACTUALLY judge mothers on?

[Ketomeato]

Inspired by the child in the buggy thread, I realised I hardly judge anything really, mainly because I have an unruly child with additional needs so in our house, pretty much anything goes. You have to be kind, and you have to wear pants. And that’s it.

What does anyone actually judge about, regarding parents with young children?

Performance parenting.

Late potty training when no special needs

What do you classify as late?

Telling them they;re "going to get a fucking punch" whist making a fist. Telling them they're a "stupid little prick". "why don't you just fucking shut up". Different mothers, different kids, where I used to live in Portsmouth. Just three overheard comments to their wards/kids out of many. I judge on those kind of comments/physical threats.

2+ year olds in nappies, facing car seats below 4 but especially for under 2s

you potty train at 23months? Seriously?
My LO couldn’t face the back in the car seat, legs couldn’t physically fit.

Mothers who are on their phones when their child/children are trying to talk to them even tapping them to be ignored-then moan when the child doesnt listen to them!swearing loudly and smacking child for just being curious!smoking over children. Children not being dressed appropriate eg. Rain outside freezing-just wearing a t-shirt!!

-Bottle propping (esp. small babies)
-3-4 year olds with dummies
-Tween girls wearing sexualised clothing
-"Gentle" parents who do nothing to stop their child from hitting other children, etc
-Parents who allow their 3-4 year old to cycle on public roads, and just expect everyone else to keep out of the way (this one perhaps specific to Cambridge)

I only hoik up my budget pants

I know it's a typo but "budget pants" is great . Like the pants version of Premier Inn.

how clean the the pram etc is.

How dirty? At the moment only a baby in a pushchair so not relevant but previously with toddlers it did end up a bit muddy from jumping in a muddy puddle etc! Always washed when we got home though! Would rather they had fun playing rather than refusing due to risk of a muddy pushchair for a few hours!

Dc with bottles /cans of pop.
Dc sat in the actual trolley.
Smoking pushing a pram

Baby with a bottle propped in a pram.

Oh blimey, I'm well judgy.

Smoking, especially weed whilst pushing a buggy (although DH does vape around ds and I hate it).

Smacking in public. Or at all actually.

Swearing or berating children in public. Especially when it's so venomous it makes my own ds look over worried (hes 15 months).

I've been in shops where a 2-3 year old has run round hitting strangers with a balloon or hand and parents haven't said anything.

Juice or coke in bottle. And really sweet sugary things for snacks (this is more with people I know than one offs).

Dummy in a 4-5 year old.

Parents at soft play who dont even try to stop their unruly and clearly attention starved children running around, pushing kids or screaming but sit on their phones.

Smacking, Swearing at them, shouting when they’re upset, dragging them around roughly, smoking / excessive drinking around them, not appropriately dressed for weather..... that’s probably it.

Certainly don’t judge for bottles past 1/dummies/in nappies after 2!

Drink driving. One woman at my kids school killed her eldest and her partner. 😪

A lot of the others here, especially swearing at small children, smoking during pregnancy/around them.

I cannot abide parents or anyone really, who promises stuff with no intention on following through or knows what they are saying is crap. Got example "Come on, I think I hear the ice cream can" as a means to getting a child to leave the park. Or "I promise we will do that tomorrow" and not. I see one parent do this a lot, and she says "Oh it's okay, they will forget". They don't forget!!!! They feel let down! I have to tell her repeatedly not to do this to my DS. Her DD now doesn't trust her, and has a number of related anxiety issues.

Smoking around kids, definitely.
Swearing at kids, belittling them, being unnecessarily cruel to them.
Hitting kids.
Not managing your child in a public place, and like someone else said, not following through on threatened punishments. We were in a hospital childrens ward a couple of weeks ago and the child in the next bed was about 3, and was running riot, all over the ward, out of the doors, everywhere, while there were medical staff and other patients trying to cope with being in hospital. The kid's mum was glued to her phone, and basically either ignoring the child or ineffectively demanding he come back and behave. There was a playroom next door, packed with toys, the nurses even encouraged mum to take the kid in there but she prefered to sit on the bed, phone in hand and ignore the kid running riot. I was quite judgy about that.

Smoking with young children
Smoking when pregnant
Drinking heavily when with children
Children shoved in a buggy and a dummy shoved in their mouths at an age when they should be engaged by their parents
Swearing around children

Lots of others, don't say anything but I do judge. We all judge, its human nature.

@Windydaysuponus wait, what's wrong with DC sitting in the actual trolley? am I being silly?

Parking the kid in front of a screen for hours at a stretch. We all do it sometimes for an hour or so to get the dinner cooked or the baby off to bed or to keep two DC occupied while having a long and critical discussion with the third, but using the screen for hours and hours every day as a substitute for actual human interaction is dodging your responsibilities and doing your DC no favours at all.

Not reeling your toddler in as it romps through a cafe/ supermarket/ someone else's house shouting and emptying shelves and getting its sticky fingers into everything. Some toddlers are much harder to reel in than others (I know. I had one), but at least bloody try.

Basically, ignoring your DC is just not on. They are your responsibility, and it is up to you to teach them the basic social norms.

Swearing in front of them.
Palming them off on anyone who will babysit. Also mother's who allow their very little DC to sleep out at others' houses

Cruelty and active neglect in all its forms. Apart from that, not much.

When a child is being far too rough, pulling hair, trying to bite and throwing things. "That's not nice we use kind hands"

I did stop judging when I realised that a lot (not all) parents do vertain things to prevent being judged. For example a dummy/tablet/snacks on a long train ride so the child doesn't kick off and passengers complain is always going to get comments like "child stuck to a tablet tut". Obviously this doesn't apply to all, especially not the Smoking and drinking around children. But there is a lot of pressure on parents to have the most well behaved child in public.

Coke in a bottle.

Ha! I was very ‘Live and let live’ until I had a kid! Now I know the effort it takes, I judge parents (not just mothers) for lazy parenting.

Of course it takes extra effort and money and patience to raise kids. So prioritise your spending to feed them healthy options, forgo some socialising to ensure a sane bedtime and learn some self-control for when the million small irritations of ever day overwhelm you. Yes discipline is a big faff, but you’ve only got a few short years to make it stick, and turn out a decent human being.

I’m very judgy on that stuff, but not on HOW people do it. It’s like good parenting is a solid scaffold, but I don’t care what style of house you build around it, or what public face you put on it. Go hippy, go posh, follow some guru, it’s all the same to me. Just see parenting as a priority.

Empty consequence threats really annoy me.
Smoking.
Throwing litter.
Kids getting out of the back of a car like clowns out of a mini. Massive problem near me. Not unusual to see five kids in the back of a golf.

Very, very little. We' re all fighting our own battles.

I judge smoking around kids/ when pregnant and how parents speak to their kids. I'm not talking about the occasional "oh for god's sake" or the veloceraptor roar you get after the eleventybillionth time you've asked them to do something but the constant talking down to them, yelling, treating them like a dog.

When parents pick up their children from school or pre school day after day without smiling at them. Just sad really.