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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
Tavannach · 14/10/2019 10:02

People will be looking at the bride and groom most of the time.
I'd just explain you're at the limit of the budget and ask the bridesmaid if she can buy a similar one. If she gets something that she can wear on other occasions she'll maybe be happy to have a dress that fits. Do it now - 3 weeks isn't long.
Don't stress. Enjoy your day.

Vanhi · 14/10/2019 10:03

Then the answer is really really simple. Just tell her that you are happy for her to wear anything she is comfortable in and ask her what she would like to do.

This. Also, is there any way of swapping dresses around? Is there one that could be altered up to fit, whilst one of the other BM's has her dress? Would the other BM's mind?

Offer to sell her dress, or see if your seamstress might have some ideas about selling it on. Put the money in a pot for your friend to sort something out. She's probably mortified and feeling very insecure - maybe go online with her and help find something inexpensive that she'll look fab in, to cheer her (and you!) up.

inwood · 14/10/2019 10:04

It's her problem to fix imo. I had a bm dress altered down as I lost weight, final fitting two weeks before the arms were too tight as had got chunkier in the gym. I stopped the gym and ate salad for two weeks to get into that dress.

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BarbedBloom · 14/10/2019 10:05

I agree with someone up thread. I had a similar issue with my wedding dress, I could get it on but the zip wouldn't go all the way up so I had a corset back put in rather than crash dieting. If I hadn't even been able to get it over my hips undone then a corset back wouldn't have helped that much. My seamstress, who was amazing, also said that alterations don't work on some materials and she won't accept dresses like that as it reflects badly on her if someone asks who did them.

In this case, I would just gently speak to your BM and say, what shall we do about it. Does she have a dress at home she could wear? I sympathise though, a few weeks before my small wedding we had no money left as we had also had to bring it forward due to my grandmother having a terminal diagnosis.

Guests often take lovely photos, a few of our favourites were taken by friends.

BrokenWing · 14/10/2019 10:10

Please don't text her 🙄 phone her and talk to her!

twilightcafe · 14/10/2019 10:13

BM should sort this out. She asked for a smaller dress and now can't fit into it. You have enough to deal with.

This happened to me when one of my BMs insisted on a smaller size dress which then didn't fit. She sorted out a replacement.

TitianaTitsling · 14/10/2019 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as it quoted a deleted post.

BunnyColvin · 14/10/2019 10:17

Can't understand the responses here at all. Does nobody rate personal responsibility any more? The BM bought a dress that barely fit, assuming she'd lose the weight - and please note, was not trying to lose weight for the OP's wedding - then didn't lose the weight, ergo the already too small dress doesn't fit her.

She's a grown adult, she sorts the problem. What's wrong with people here?

OP, use the message someone suggested upthread, but whatever you do, make sure you get across that you're maxed out and won't be spending any more on sorting out that problem. She chose a dress that didn't fit her properly at the time - her responsibility.

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/10/2019 10:19

Crash diet?!

Tobebythesea · 14/10/2019 10:20

This happened at my wedding. I secretly ordered the size up to what she said and cut the label off. It only just fit so we got panels put into the dress.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 14/10/2019 10:24

Assuming she can't crash diet and drop enough to fit in it:

Get her something off the rack and then add some kind of accessory/sash/bow/whatever to ALL the dresses to tie them back together?

if I was the BM I'd be mortified at you wasting money and would front up the cash for the new dress. But I'm not, so you'll have to have the conversation with her.

Betty777 · 14/10/2019 10:24

Would something like this help? They take at least one dress size off my hips and stomach (and are actually more comfortable than spanx shorts under a dress)
Order online and if it doesn't help she can return it for refund

www.marksandspencer.com/l/lingerie/slips/firm-control-shaping-slips-n-c0xno

3 stone weightloss is impressive, but she shouldn't have ordered the type of dress that was completely non-flexible in terms of fit. That was an error. Can you offer to split the cost of replacement?

ChasingRainbows19 · 14/10/2019 10:25

I'm sorry the friend should pay to solve this. She did well to lose weight but it doesn't sound like it was an OP demand. She wanted a dress that only just fit and didn't make sure she could still fit in it. I was a bridesmaid and was fitted into my dress,

I exercised regularly anyway it's my norm but I absolutely would have paid to solve it if I hadn't fitted into the dress she had paid for. It would of been my own fault.

ElizaDee · 14/10/2019 10:27

Could you have a corset back but in instead of adding panels?

What did she say when they were all tried on and it didn't fit?

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/10/2019 10:29

As an aside, I had a friend who used to order clothes for her forthcoming holiday two sizes two small, in order to have to 'slim to fit into them' as an incentive.

Without fail those dresses had to be sent back and replaced with a larger size before the holiday.

I wonder if some wishful thinking like that was in play on BMs side?

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 10:34

I don’t get why it can’t just be altered. If the styles are all different, does it matter if it’s different from what you’ve ordered?

BunnyColvin · 14/10/2019 10:35

I wonder if some wishful thinking like that was in play on BMs side?

Does it matter? That doesn't make it any less her problem!

She could keep the dress for when she does reach her weight loss goals but in the meantime, she needs to find herself something to wear.

Senseofself1 · 14/10/2019 10:41

If she can't get it over her hips she must have put on a fair few pounds. Just ask her to find herself another dress as you don't have time to sort it out now.

Skyejuly · 14/10/2019 10:44

Ebay it for a Buy it now! Buy a matchy one but not same x

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/10/2019 10:45

I didn't say it wasn't her problem, @BunnyColvin. Of course the BM pays to replace the dress.

I was just musing as to the mental process that may have led her to order a dress that was too tight at first and then too small - she really believed it would fit her 'on the day'. Wishful thinking on her part.

Bibidy · 14/10/2019 10:47

I am stunned at these responses! How is this @Yeahthatthing 's fault!??

The bridesmaid ordered a dress in a size that was too small, aiming to slim down to fit into it. Presumably OP would have been fine with her ordering a dress that actually fit and not having to worry about losing weight for it.

If I were the bridesmaid, I would apologise and ask what OP wanted me to do - whether I needed to buy the same dress in a bigger size or whether I was OK to find another one that fits.

This is not OP's fault at all.

Beautiful3 · 14/10/2019 10:47

I would get a cheap off the rack dress that's kind of a similar colour in her actual size. Maybe one size bigger than she already is?! I had 3 bm and one hit puberty, grew boobs and couldn't get them in the once loose fitting dress! I went back to the store with a very attractive friend of mine and begged for a refund for all dresses (it was way past the returns cut off date). My friend helped alot by flirting with the manager and smiling!! I ended up buying them elsewhere and changed the whole colour scheme because of it!

YouMaySayImADreamer · 14/10/2019 10:55

I would just call or text her along the lines of "Hi A, what are you thinking about the dress situation?". Tell her you don't mind if she orders a different one and remind her that hers can't be altered. Leave it in her court. Just be casual about it, tell her not to worry but at the same time let her sort it out.

I wouldn't mention payment, let her bring that up but I do think that the cost is hers really to take on and she probably knows that but is still coming to terms with the situation.

I was bridesmaid for a friend and got pregnant after she had ordered the dresses. I took it to a seamstress and was able to have it altered. My next option was to look for a similar dress or if all else failed I would have had to pull out. I felt the onus was on me to sort it though and to pay for it, and I didn't even mention it to my friend and she was very laid back about it all. It all worked out fine.

Similarly, one if my bridesmaids became pregnant and I just played things by ear in terms of the dress. It is just life.

AllTheNameAreTakenEvenThisOne · 14/10/2019 11:01

Yeahthatthing is there any chance of selling the dress, to make money to put towards buying a new one?

missbattenburg · 14/10/2019 11:03

Presumably this is a close friend to be included in a small wedding in this way.

OP, I think if it were me, the conversation with my friend would go along the lines of "I would be happy if you turn up to my wedding in your pants because I love you and just want you there with me. Now, what are we going to do?"

My close friends have been there through thick and thin, as I have for them. It's at times like those (and these) when real friendships are forged.

"Fault", "repsonsibility" and all such terms be damned. This is a friend.

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