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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 14/10/2019 09:29

Get a corset back fitted

Pinkyyy · 14/10/2019 09:31

People who are still saying to get it altered- by saying that she will "lose the essence of the dress", she is basically saying it will look awful.

Lulualla · 14/10/2019 09:31

I don't understand why so many posters are treating you like you've done something wrong. You haven't.

You've had to bring tour wedding forward, which means paying for things without the time to save up so it's a small budget wedding. You spent a good portion of your budget on their dresses and accessories. You've done it right! She picked the size, then started putting on weight. She could have gone it at any time to sort that out and order a bigger size but she didn't. What was she expecting to happen? It obviously wasn't going to fit.

She must know your financial situation. Just be honest. Say you're sorry that it doesn't fit, but you really don't have the money to buy a replacement and then give her the options. Tell her she could wear something she already owns or get a similar high street dress, or if she wants to spend the extra money then she can order a new one this week.and sell the smaller one but she needs to do it this week or there won't be time. Then leave it to her.

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Tippety · 14/10/2019 09:31

I think you're being reasonable, you're not demanding she buys a new dress exactly like that one, and seem quite flexible on what to wear. I would just say what would you be comfortable doing maybe, and not make it a big deal.

AJPTaylor · 14/10/2019 09:31

You sound lovely op.
The only thing to do is to just chat to your friend about solutions. There will be one. Do you think she can afford a new dress?

ChicCroissant · 14/10/2019 09:33

Oh dear, an awkward situation for everyone involved.

I think the bridesmaid should pay for the new dress in these circumstances. If the dress doesn't go over her hips - which is what the OP said - no corset back is going to help there. It really does sound as if a new dress is needed.

Drum2018 · 14/10/2019 09:34

Bottom line is a new dress is needed because the bridesmaid doesn't fit into the dress that fit her a couple of months ago. Of course she should pay for it. It was her responsibility to make sure she'd still fit into it for the wedding, not yours. I'd call her as suggested so she doesn't get the impression you will be paying out more money for a new dress.

DuMondeB · 14/10/2019 09:41

You need to talk it over with her in person. Either over a glass of wine in a bar or a cup of tea at yours.

Tell her what you’ve told us - you can’t afford to replace it but you would have her stand up beside you in jeans if necessary. Then figure out an action plan from there.

rattusrattus20 · 14/10/2019 09:42

though, of course, very much a first world problem, i honestly think this does very much represent a genuine dilemma, & one that needs handling with the utmost care.

MatildaTheCat · 14/10/2019 09:42

She’s obviously a really close friend and as you say, probably feeling awful. Talk to her. As in on the phone or face to face. Texting is dangerous because the written word can so easily be misinterpreted.

Tell her what you’ve said here. She might decide to order another dress altogether, order an expensive replacement or to step down. You seem comfortable with any of these so there really isn’t any awkwardness is there?

Just pick up the phone woman!

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 09:42

Oh I see.

So why did she choose a dress that didn’t fit.

My bridesmaid chose a dress I didn’t like, but I wanted her to happy. I paid for the alterations then she said she didn’t like the dress and wanted to wear a different one. It was awkward.

chocorabbit · 14/10/2019 09:43

OP, if you don't have enough time message her, do arrange whatever suits both of you and ignore the rude comments. But be clear that you can't afford a new dress so she knows her choices.

Tensixtysix · 14/10/2019 09:44

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eddielizzard · 14/10/2019 09:45

Bottom line is there is no money for another dress. So I'd ask her what she'd like to do. As it doesn't really matter to you what she looks like, there aren't matching dresses, I'd ask her what she'd feel most comfortable doing.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 14/10/2019 09:45

Does she have another dress at home she could wear? It won't match but surely it's more important she's there

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/10/2019 09:50

What an obnoxious comment TenSixtySix, how is the OP being shallow FFS? She wants her friend to be wearing a dress that actually does up! If it doesn't even go over her hips it's not just snug, it's unwearable and it's highly unlikely that it can be altered in any way without looking really bloody obvious.

Kelsoooo · 14/10/2019 09:50

@Tensixtysix did you even read the updates?

And cheap weddings always end up in a punch up? Remind me to tell everyone I know that had a punch up free cheap wedding won't you.

Prick.

wowfudge · 14/10/2019 09:51

I don't think responses have been harsh. There was no mention of alterations not bring possible and the OP asked for suggestions after her first option was dropping her friend as a bridesmaid!

There has then been a dripfeed about the budget and bringing the wedding forward, etc.

If the OP genuinely doesn't care what her friend wears then she should still be a bridesmaid and where something that fits.

wowfudge · 14/10/2019 09:51

Jesus - bloody autocorrect: wear something that fits

BlueJava · 14/10/2019 09:52

Could she borrow a dress and then you could sell the one you have? obviously that can't be done quickly but it would solve her "what to wear?" issue and you get some money back.

AnyOldPrion · 14/10/2019 09:53

A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution

You’ve already said you’ll raise it with her, and I think that’s the right answer. She needs to find a solution. Maybe she’s hoping she can double down and lose the weight in time (yoyo’d a lot in my time... small amounts of weight can make a huge difference regarding whether a well-fitted dress will go on).

Maybe though, if that is her plan, suggest she should have an alternative in mind, in case that doesn’t work out.

If you genuinely don't care what she wears, then make that clear, but if I were you, I’d also make it clear that this is something she needs to sort out herself, and that you don’t want to spend the day before your wedding frantically looking for a dress for someone you already provided for.

cheeseandpineapple · 14/10/2019 09:53

How much over is she? If she’s on a weight loss journey but has had a bump is she back on it and is it poss she will lose the weight in three weeks?

Just in case, I’d be inclined to say something like, sorry to hear the dress doesn’t fit, what’s important to me is that you’re comfortable so don’t worry about it if you think it’s not going to work for you on the day but maybe if you happen to have something similar as a back up option you could use that and decide nearer the time. Or I’m happy to go with any alternative that you’ve already got that you’d like to wear or if you have any other ideas let me know? Main thing is that we have fun on the day! Love etc

FizzyGreenWater · 14/10/2019 09:57

Yes - she wears something else at her own expense (which is absolutely fair enough as you've said you don't mind what she wears) and you sell on the Dress With Essence and recoup some of the loss.

Just be clear that you have absolutely no money available to sort the problem.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/10/2019 09:58

If I was the BM I'd offer to buy myself another one.

As a yo-yoer myself I feel for her - but it really is her responsibility to pay for another dress OR diet and exercise herself into it!

Sweetpeach3 · 14/10/2019 10:00

My BF had something similar happen to her as she got the dress an got pregnant then married an didn't loose the baby weight in time! They just added a lace panel under the underarms so it wasn't that noticeable but still looked pretty. It's an option to add a panel of material either side of the dress.