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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
steppemum · 14/10/2019 11:03

“Hi friend. Heard about the dress not fitting; that sucks, I’m sorry. What do you want to do? OP x”

this

phone her, see what she says. Be clear that you are fine with her wearing something she feels comfortable in.
She may be planning to crash diet from now until the wedding, but just in case, she needs a back up plan.

MadameButterface · 14/10/2019 11:03

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Dieu · 14/10/2019 11:05

My sister was chief bridesmaid a few years back. She realised with horror that she'd put on too much weight to fit the dress. So she took it upon herself to take the dress to a seamstress, who fitted in extra panels (but not before she'd made my sister go out and find the similar material!). Sister obviously paid for everything, and didn't even tell the bride, as she had enough on her plate.
The bridesmaid in this situation needs to take a similar level of personal responsibility. Being mortified solves nothing. She can't expect the bride to fix this for her.

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Bibidy · 14/10/2019 11:12

Yeahthatthing is there any chance of selling the dress, to make money to put towards buying a new one?

I think the bridesmaid should buy the new dress and then OP can sell and give her the proceeds from that after the wedding. She only has three weeks, that's not long to try and sell one (expensive) dress and find another.

Bridesmaid should buy herself a new suitable dress for now. If I were in her shoes I would have offered that immediately.

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 14/10/2019 11:26

I don’t understand why the OP paid for a dress in the wrong by size though. Sorry if I was paying for the dress I would just have been saying it needs to be in a size that fits

Bibidy · 14/10/2019 11:30

I don’t understand why the OP paid for a dress in the wrong by size though. Sorry if I was paying for the dress I would just have been saying it needs to be in a size that fits

Well I guess if someone gives you a size and says they're slimming into it, not many people would have the nerve to say to that person that they didn't believe they could and they'd rather buy the bigger size!

AutumnRose1 · 14/10/2019 11:32

Okay, for those of us who don't understand fashion terms

"Lose the essence of the dress" and "will look altered" - does that matter?

If I saw a BM in a dress that had been obviously altered, I wouldn't think anything of it.

AutumnRose1 · 14/10/2019 11:34

When I was young and actually wore dresses, I remember a tailor telling me similar. All she meant was, she'd have to add panels. She almost refused to do it, it was bizarre.

Lweji · 14/10/2019 11:41

Maybe she hasn't spoken to you because she is convinced she will lose the weight by then?

I am for asking what her plan is. And I wouldn't be happy to spend anything towards another dress, although I might agree tocontribute towards alterations.
But with a dress chosen 3 months ago, I wouldn't have expected a major change in dress size. She was reckless to order a just fitting size.

Mephisto · 14/10/2019 11:42

I suspect she wants you to pay for another dress, OP., and you absolutely mustn't. Have you decided what you're going to say?

Also, why on earth are you paying for hair and make-up?!

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 11:42

I can't see her face to face, she lives miles away. Next time I see her will be at the wedding.

A corset back isn't going to solve the problem, though it would make the style look very odd.

I've text her and I'll see what she says.

I didn't think issues of bringing the wedding forward etc were necessary to the question really. It's simply a case of who funds the replacement!

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/10/2019 11:42

I don’t understand why the OP paid for a dress in the wrong by size though.

It wasn't the wrong size. It fit then. And hindsight is a truly marvelous thing. Grin

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 11:44

Mephisto because I thought it'd be nice for them. I could forgo all the hair and makeup and we could just do our own but I'd quite like to feel nice on my wedding day!

OP posts:
Vanhi · 14/10/2019 11:44

"Lose the essence of the dress" and "will look altered" - does that matter?

Yes and no. If you're not bothered by that sort of thing then no. It'll still be a dress. It will cover up what it needs to cover up. To anyone a bit more savvy about these things they'll notice a difference. It might be cut in a certain way to emphasise a particular shape or hang in a certain way. Adding panels may change that. Seamstresses who are trained to make dresses would find it bothered them. It would sort-of bother me but in the end if friend were there in the dress, I'd just think "hello friend, great that you're here".

devonemumof1 · 14/10/2019 11:48

Take her for an alteration, or find a new dress, and return the other one. If you BM has lost 3 stone I find it hard to believe the dress doesn't fit? How awful for her to now be feeling bad about herself, after trying so hard and then finding out it doesn't fit, for you to then turn around and tell her she can't be your BM any more!

Mephisto · 14/10/2019 11:48

Of course you should get your hair and make-up done professionally, OP, but I think you did more than enough paying for their BM dresses and shoes (and jewellery!).

I really would expect her to pay for a new a dress or alterations (or bow out) and also pay the express service fee. There's being nice and then being a mug.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/10/2019 11:48

It's often not as simple as just adding panels - and that even assumed that there is a good enough fabric match available. Given that it doesn't even go over the hips then it's a fair assumption that it needs many inches adding. When you do this then just adding panels at the side, or the back, doesn't work as the whole shape of the dress becomes distorted - the seams, bust apex etc are all going to be in the wrong place. You essentially have to remake the whole dress.

There are also certain fabrics which really don't do well with large scale alterations and are likely to fray badly.

If the dress has a complex structure where it's not just straight seams then it can be nigh on impossible to alter it well. Something like a slinky bias cut dress, for example, would look chuffing ridiculous if you suddenly whacked in an extra 3-4 inches of fabric down either side.

If the seamstress is saying no can do I'd take their word for it

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 14/10/2019 11:48

I would just have said that given I was paying for it and dresses can be taken in but less easily let out if would need to be a size that fits.

Mephisto · 14/10/2019 11:49

@devonemumof1 Isn't the dress non-refundable? Why should OP fork out for a new dress?

mumwon · 14/10/2019 11:50

is it long dress or short? what colour is it? material? is it sleeveless one shoulder? M& co do some nice things - perhaps stick with colour & forget trying to match anything else & yes sell the other dress

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2019 11:50

You are paying for a lot for the BMs more than expected given your budget.

Tell her it’s ok to find a solution, own dress new dress her money.

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/10/2019 11:53

Honestly it’s awful that despite the BM ordering the wrong size she has put the stress of finding a solution on you. You’re the bride! Definitely text her asking her what she wants to do - this is not your problem it’s hers.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 11:57

Sorry if there's confusion. She'd lost 3stone BEFORE we went dress shopping and was planning on continuing to lose weight. The dresses in the shop were all samples then you ordered the dress you liked in the right size. The sample size was very close to fitting so we ordered that size (shop suggested the size up as alterations up weren't possible) but now doesn't fit.

I know my friend and she won't want to wear an obviously altered dress. I assume by 'essence' they mean it'll alter the shape and style but could be wrong.

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 14/10/2019 12:05

what did you say to her at the time op? Am i missing something? You were all having a dress fitting and she literally couldn’t even get the dress on, and you all just left the issue hanging in the air until you could ask mumsnet?

FavouriteSong · 14/10/2019 12:07

Sell the dress, buy a new one with the money, if all the dresses are different then a coordinating colour dress in the right size will do.