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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:56

EgremontRusset if it's altered it'd look very obvious, and I wouldn't want to wear that if it were me. I'll give her that option, but I'd feel very self conscious and uncomfortable so can imagine she may too. None of the dresses match, so she could wear a different one, it's just a case of who would pay.

I've been a bridesmaid several times and bought my own dress all but one time.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 14/10/2019 08:57

I don't give a fuck about the essence myself. She could wear jeans if that's what she wants. But I want her to be comfortable. The dress will look altered is the point, it'll look bad. If it were me, I wouldn't want to wear it altered, I'd feel self conscious. I'd do it for a friend, but I'm not asking her to do it

Then the answer is really really simple. Just tell her that you are happy for her to wear anything she is comfortable in and ask her what she would like to do. No need for any drama (or anyone else's opinions - we don't know what your friend will be comfortable in)

AugieMarch · 14/10/2019 08:59

First, what does your bridesmaid want to do? I would take that as my lead. If she says she wants to order another dress, you can then explain you don't have any money and reach a solution together.
But... most dresses can be altered by a proper dressmaker. It seems odd that a professional seamstress can't come up with something.

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steppenmum · 14/10/2019 09:01

She needs to buy a new dress and pay for it. Honestly if she's a decent friends she will offer to do this. No way should she expect you to pay for two dresses!

jessycake · 14/10/2019 09:03

If the dresses were ordered only a couple of months ago I think it is the bridesmaids fault ordering a size that was a tight fit, instead of the next size and having it taken in if necessary . Altering the dress may well be almost as expensive as buying a new one especially if they have to find extra fabric. I think the ball is in her court in this case .

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 09:03

AugieMarch she hasn't spoken to me about it. I've spoken with the shop (had to pay the balance) and one other bridesmaid. The shop have given me their solutions which is any alteration would be very obvious.

I'm going to text her later but wanted to get my thoughts straight first. I think she's probably really embarrassed and worried which is why she hasn't spoken to me.

OP posts:
Janicejaniceahmfallin · 14/10/2019 09:03

Also think you’re getting an unnecessary pasting from some people, OP. She chose the dress in a size and style that worked for her, and you’ve already paid for it (more than for your own!!). Even if you had any money left, why should it be on you to buy another one?

It’s completely fair to ask your friend to help you find a solution, and really not difficult to approach that conversation in a way that’s not remotely judgy or unkind. Agree with all those saying you should suggest she buys another dress in a similar colour if she still wants to be a BM, and you can reimburse her from the sale of the first one.

Hope you have a lovely day.

Notverygrownup · 14/10/2019 09:04

You sound like a lovely friend OP. Just talk to her about the options, being honest about your total lack of funds, and work out together over a cup of tea, what she wants to do so that she can still feel part of and enjoy your wedding.

SarahAndQuack · 14/10/2019 09:06

I think you've had some incredibly harsh replies here!

It's pretty clear to me you are concerned for your friend and worrying about it. It'll be a lovely day, so don't worry!

I agree the best option is to give her a hug, tell her she looks gorgeous in anything, and ask whether she'd like to wear a dress she already owns, have this altered (which I get may not be ideal), or what.

If you're having a do in the village hall, with no photos, I'm sure she realises there's not an endless budget and I can't imagine why she'd be princessy about it any more than you have been.

cittigirl · 14/10/2019 09:09

Can you post a picture of the dress ...maybe there's something similar out there on the high street?

Wilmalovescake · 14/10/2019 09:11

“Hi friend. Heard about the dress not fitting; that sucks, I’m sorry. What do you want to do? OP x”

callmeadoctor · 14/10/2019 09:16

Ask seamstress to put in a corset back? (lace up)

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 09:17

Wilmalovescake yeah, I think that's the way forward.

OP posts:
iano · 14/10/2019 09:18

You're getting a really hard time here OP. Ask her whether she prefers to buy a new dress similar to what she ordered. Give her the first dress and let her sell it. It's awkward for all but really can't just be your problem now

chocolatebrioche · 14/10/2019 09:21

Get the seamstress to add a corset back, if the shop has access to extra matching fabric.

If a dress is altered by someone who knows what they’re doing, the result will look fine.

Then give her a hug.

Adviceplease1234 · 14/10/2019 09:22

Honestly take it to a specialist and see if they can alter it. You’d be amazed what they can do.

The same thing happened to me with one of my bridesmaids and the seamstress added in some material down the body so that it fit. I paid as my bridesmaid was mortified about the situation so I just wanted to solve it as easily as possible for her.

ThatMuppetShow · 14/10/2019 09:22

You clearly spent too much if you now have no money.

what a stupid comment.

Someone has a small budget, and spends it accordingly, treating all her friends in the process. No need to be jealous!

EssentialHummus · 14/10/2019 09:23

wilma is spot on. Imagine that it's pregnancy not fat if "fat" is clouding your responses.

Collision · 14/10/2019 09:24

Grief the bitchy comments are out today!

This is not on you. She needs to decide what to do. She should pay for it too.

Definitely send the text above.

She’s probably mortified but needs to face up to it.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 14/10/2019 09:25

I’m confused....so your bridesmaid has been losing weight and picked a dress that almost fitted and then she lost 3 stone. Now the dress doesn’t fit?

regmover · 14/10/2019 09:26

Don't text her, ring her, so that there can be no misunderstandings about what you mean and the "tone". Just say something straight away that she's not to worry about the dress, the most important thing is that she's there with you, and that she can wear whatever she likes. I'm sure she realises that you can't buy another dress. If she needs something new there is plenty of time for her to do some bargain hunting.

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 14/10/2019 09:28

If the three BM are wearing varied dresses, I'd just suggest she gets a coordinating dress from Monsoon or Phase Eight.
The last couple of weddings I have been to the bridesmaids all wore toning but not identical dresses and it looked great

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/10/2019 09:28

If money really is an issue and the dress could be altered with a corset back, then why not adapt it to be backless altogether and let BM wear a shawl or wrap to cover the gap?

thecatsthecats · 14/10/2019 09:29

I have used JJsHouse, eshakti.com and dressblee.com, and you honestly wouldn't believe the custom fit, quality and speed of delivery.

Eshakti especially makes lovely bridesmaid dresses, usual pricetags about $100 in lots of sizes, and customizable, and lots of discounts on offer for new customers. Delivery is under 3 weeks at no extra charge.

Yes, I sound like a sales rep, but I bloody love them!

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 09:29

DobbyTheHouseElk no, bridesmaid had lost weight, ordered dress and has now put some on so it doesn't fit.

OP posts:
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