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Original poster

Bridesmaid outgrown dress

291 replies

Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:19

Wedding next month. 3 bridesmaIds. Dresses ordered a couple of months ago. Bridesmaid A has done really well at losing weight (3+ stone) and ordered a dress that only just fit. As she was doing so well losing the weight we didn't think anything of it. Dresses tried on yesterday and A has gained weight. Hers doesn't o on. Doesn't go over her hips (down or up) and doesn't zip.

They aren't matching dresses, more 'varition on a theme'. We've paid for the dresses, shoes, jewelry and will be paying for hair and makeup on the day. This is huge portion of a very small wedding budget. A is mortified but hasn't offered a solution. The way I see it:
A) she can drop out of bring a bridesmaid and I suck up the lost money
B) she can order a new dress and pay the extra for express service. This is only possible if done this week. We can't really afford it and would need her to at least pay for the dress.
C) she could buy an off the rack dress in appropriate colour/style. It'll be obvious it isn't the same as the other bridesmaid but as they aren't all matching won't look horrendous.

How do I approach this with her? Any other solutions?

OP posts:
LittleLongDog · 14/10/2019 08:37

I don’t see the need to jump on the OP. She just wants to know what’s going on/get some advice because it’s extremely close to her wedding. I’d be panicking too.

OP I think you need to ask the bridesmaid what she thinks. Could you send her a message like: ‘It’s such a shame your dress doesn’t fit, especially after all your hard work losing weight. I just don’t know what to do! What do you think?’

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:38

'the place we got them from is a seamstresses.'

Really you speak as if she ordered it 'size that only just fit' rather than had it made to measure?

Surely the 'seamstress' who sold you the dresses is used to alterations?

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:38

tumbleisatwat we brought the wedding forward due to a close family member getting a terminal diagnosis.

walkintheparc our friends and family being part of our day was more important.

OP posts:

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AudacityOfHope · 14/10/2019 08:38

If it's a more low key sort of affair and there's no photographer what does it actually matter? Get her a Monsoon/Debenhams one in a similar colour and a giant hug. She'll be feeling mortified no doubt.

But telling that the first option you gave was her dropping out.

Apolloanddaphne · 14/10/2019 08:40

It's not the OPs fault. It os the BM responsibility to ensure she can get intoner dress and I she can't she needs to provide the solution. I would actually offer her those three choices and ask her which one she would prefer. How much are we talking for a new dress from the express service?

hidinginthenightgarden · 14/10/2019 08:40

I’d put it on your friend to be honest. Ask her what she would like to do about the dress and see what she suggests. Is returning the dress an option?

Dieu · 14/10/2019 08:41

I'm sorry - and I speak as a fattie myself - but the friend should absolutely pay for the adjustments herself.
YANBU.

Pinkyyy · 14/10/2019 08:41

Making dresses bigger just isn't a good option. No matter how skilled the dressmaker, you can always tell. If you ask me she knew what size the dress was so I don't see why you should pay for another one. I'd tell her honestly that you don't have the funds to pay for another dress. Offer to sell hers towards a new one but say that she will need to pay the extra.

Dinoctoblock · 14/10/2019 08:41

I’m with you OP. I was a bridesmaid for my sister and accidentally got pregnant after we had ordered dresses so a new one needed to be ordered. It never occurred to me that my DSis should pay again for my dress, I paid for the new one. Not her lookout that my body was changing.

It is a shame for your bridesmaid that she is gaining weight if she was hoping to loose but she chose the size of dress and ultimately she’s the only one who has control over whether she fits it or not. An unfortunate situation but not your fault OP.

Broken11Girl · 14/10/2019 08:42

^ This x2. Feel for her tbh. Dieting like f for your wedding only to inevitably 'fail'. Please be nice.

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:43

Got to admit though If I were BM I'd offer to alter or replace myself.

I'd probably just be glad to be a guest

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:44

MarthasGinYard they weren't made to measure, the shop ordered them in. We were warned that certain style/ fabric combos were difficult to alter. This one could be made a bit smaller (but not much) but not larger without losing the essence of the dress (her words). The shop woman has said she could make a similar one or order a larger size, but both would be more expensive due to the timeframe.

OP posts:
WhoCaresWins01 · 14/10/2019 08:44

Op i think the replies have been very harsh!!! Obviously it can't just be alteted if it doesn't even go on! I think your friend should offer a solution ie buy a new dress or step down.

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:47

'but not much) but not larger without losing the essence of the dress (her words).'

Thing the 'essence' is going to have to go then personally and just do what you can.

I think BM felt she had to fit into the cheaper ordered in dress and set herself unrealistic goals.

I'd ask her to go with dress to seamstress and just see what they can do. Losing the 'essence' may not worry her too much as long as it fits.

Morgan12 · 14/10/2019 08:48

If I was the BM I'd offer to buy myself another one.

Its completely her fault and you shouldn't have to pay for that if you can't afford it.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:48

Broken11Girl I feel for her too. I've got weight issues myself. She wasn't dieting for my wedding. She is on a weightloss journey and was doing really well. The sample size dress she tried on was so close to fitting.

OP posts:
Dinoctoblock · 14/10/2019 08:49

Sorry - didn’t offer a suggested solution. I would just ask her “What do you think we should do about the dress?” Be as gentle and sympathetic as possible, but clearly state your budget constraints. Hopefully she will come up with the solution herself.

I think the offer of selling the original and putting this towards new one is a good idea, but she will need to cover the cost of a new one ASAP, ie before the original is sold.

EgremontRusset · 14/10/2019 08:49

Can’t be made larger without losing the ‘essence’ of the dress is v different from can’t be made larger full stop. Given you are considering option C of a non matching dress, making the current one larger doesn’t seem much different? Why not offer BM the choice of buying a new express one, altering this one (never mind the ‘essence’), or buying a high street one?

Iloveacurry · 14/10/2019 08:51

I think you’ve just got to speak to her and tell her the above options in your original post, than ask her to make a decision.

Original poster
Yeahthatthing · 14/10/2019 08:51

MarthasGinYard I don't give a fuck about the essence myself. She could wear jeans if that's what she wants. But I want her to be comfortable. The dress will look altered is the point, it'll look bad. If it were me, I wouldn't want to wear it altered, I'd feel self conscious. I'd do it for a friend, but I'm not asking her to do it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/10/2019 08:51

She should have offered a solution. I'd also text her and just ask what she wants to do about the dress.

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:53

So I don't understand

Has she said she won't go in with the dress to check out altering options?

Have you even said 'think seamstress may be able to do summat but may effect ....'essence' ??

BM probably doesn't care if it's not quite the same why aren't you checking out this avenue?

Wineislifex · 14/10/2019 08:53

Obviously she should pay for herself a new dress! It’s not your fault the one she chose but you paid for no longer fits because she’s put on weight! I think your being really generous paying for the dresses, accessories, hair and make up and the bridesmaid has been really careless!

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:54

So I don't understand

Has she said she won't go in with the dress to check out altering options?

Have you even said 'think seamstress may be able to do summat but may effect ....'essence' ??

BM probably doesn't care if it's not quite the same why aren't you checking out this avenue?

MarthasGinYard · 14/10/2019 08:55

, 'I wouldn't want to wear it altered, I'd feel self conscious'

She's not you

She might be happy as Larry just to get a solution even if the effing 'essence' is taken away.