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Original poster

Living life according to a soap opera

233 replies

jennymanara · 28/09/2019 11:32

If you were going to live your life according to how people live in soap operas, what would you do differently?

If I had a small problem I would never talk to DP about it e.g. small debt. Instead I would try and hide the problem and end up in a far bigger mess.

If the kids annoyed me I would send them to their bedroom. I would next see them 9 months later when they would have grown and become less annoying.

If I wanted anyone to babysit I would go to the cafe or pub and easily find someone to babysit on the spot, for the rest of the day.

If I was unemployed, I would spend the day wandering around the shops and pub right outside my house, and by the end of the day I would have a job.

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 04/10/2019 17:54

I would have the money to buy a top-of-range expensive car,but I would not own a washing machine,all my laundry would be done at the laundrette.
Despite the fact that I was unemployed,I'd still be in the pub every evening,buying rounds for my family and friends.
I would always make a beeline for my sworn enemy in the pub,going and sitting right next to them rather than keeping as far as from them as possible.
I'd never finish a cup of tea or coffee. They'd be abandoned after a couple of sips because I'd suddenly remember I had an urgent appointment elsewhere.
Whenever I sat down to eat a meal,I'd just push the food around my plate with a fork. None of it would actually end up in my mouth.
I'd never use a minicab,it would have to be a black London taxi.

NationMcKinley
'I would never have a baby in a hospital or as a planned home birth. It would always be a major drama by a lake or something and with my tights on (shows age). Daphne from Neighbours? Grin

Dramaofallama · 04/10/2019 19:07

I would wake up with my make up already done.
I will never wear the same clothes twice and certainly never be in any form of lounge wear.
I would have slept with half the men in the neighbourhood.
I would probably be known to the police like everyone else because no one has a clean record.
I wouldn't need a CV or even an interview, I would just get given the job.
I would be in the cafe daily.
I would know at least one hitman and one dodgy cop, they will probably be on speed dial on my phone.
I will go off on holiday (Spain or portugal) when ever I fancied. Who needs annual leave hey.
I will never have a peaceful christmas or new year, if anything I would dread those days as something terrible will happen.

Aprillygirl · 05/10/2019 17:39

I would never ever make my own cup of tea at home when I could walk 10 metres and go to the caff for it, never buy my wine from the supermarket or even the handy corner shop when I can buy it from the pub for twice the price and always have the exact correct change for every purchase.

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Skinnychip · 05/10/2019 17:46

When eating a meal everyone would squeeze, round one half of the table. 80% of the cupboards in the house would be empty so i could quickly hide a large bag/suitcase/person in them should DH arrive home and i was in the middle of leaving home/having an affair. All doors would be unlocked so neighbours could just pop in at any time.

Aridane · 05/10/2019 18:06

Placemarking to read later on at leisure

FreshwaterBay · 05/10/2019 18:08

I would walk into every house and not close the door. Most of my goods and services would be purchased from someone living within 200 yards of my house and they would also be my only customers too. Around 4 of those people would die each year, but five days later everything would be the same.

Longpinknails · 05/10/2019 18:35

The doors on all the rooms in my little house would be such great quality and offer great sound proofing, so if my DH goes Into another room closing (or slamming) the door, I’d immediately be able to call my secret lover, who would always answer the call within 2 seconds and i’d talk about our clandestine affair in a loud voice and be certain I wouldn’t be heard.

Shockers · 05/10/2019 18:40

I would never cook, or eat at home, and I’d drink alcohol every lunchtime, then go back to work.

Kittyhawksue · 05/10/2019 19:17

never eat food I’d ordered in cafe, I’d either sit and play with it, or storm out after a row leaving it all.

Pliudev · 05/10/2019 19:23

I would stick around long after my death. And folk would talk about me as if I was still growing marrows for the flower and produce show.

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/10/2019 19:33

If I were either of Ken Barlow's twins, I'd have been packed off to live in Scotland with Granny as a very small child, returning as a fully grown adult without so much as a trace of a Scottish accent.

TherealLadyMiche · 05/10/2019 20:03

I would go for a cup of tea / breakfast the cafe opposite my house before going to work.

I would own a car but wouldn’t need to as everything integral to my life, friends, pub, work,shop and health care would literally be on my doorstep.

If I met someone away from where I lived this person would soon start using my local pub and corner shop and within months end up living next door.

I could ‘home’ as many people I liked in my two up two down terrace or tiny flat above a shop.

I can only date people who live within 30ft of my front door.

(I’ve not read all the thread, if I have repeated some sorry)

HalfManHalfLabrador · 05/10/2019 20:05

I would wander in and out of work whenever I felt like it with no repercussions whatsoever and just ask colleagues to cover for me

powkin · 05/10/2019 21:59

I would constantly talk about people behind their back whilst in the same room as them because they can’t hear me.

Similarly I’d have all super secret private conversations in my local cafe where I’m likely to bump into any or all of the people involved.

Never drink anything at home and have infinite money and time for tea/coffee/drinks and lunches/dinners out.

Turn up for work approximately once a month?

In the future I’ll have at least 4 ex husbands and 10ish children, none of whom live with me (and still look like I’ve had none) and never get bothered or curious about the fact that none of them ever come to visit.

Have time for full makeup everyday and be fucking amazing at doing my hair so it always looks perfect.

powkin · 05/10/2019 22:01

Oh and have at least 3 near fatal accidents a year and always be treated by the same doctor who appears to be trained in all specialities (yes, I watch neighbours).

MyOtherProfile · 06/10/2019 08:27

Well obviously I would have to be heterosexual, as there are no lesbians over the age of 30. (Am I wrong? I don't actually watch any soaps!)

@Bloodybridget yup you're wrong Grin Holby alone has an enormous population of lesbians over 30!

Eastie77 · 06/10/2019 08:48

If I die it would be completely normal for most of my close family members including parents or children not to turn up to my funeral. Ditto for weddings.

If I went on the run after committing a murder or any other serious crime I'd be able to return home after a year or so and carry on as usual. The police would not be interested.

When angrily confronting someone on a highly personal matter I'd wait until they were in our packed local boozer and go in shouting the odds (as opposed to just going to see them in their house a few yards from where I live). There would actually be no need to shout as the pub always falls completely silent whenever such an argument takes place.

I will have had a dozen serious accidents that left me paralysed, with a brain injury, stroke, heart attack etc but they only affect me around 2 weeks and then all is fine. The injuries would never be mentioned again.

Bloodybridget · 06/10/2019 08:49

@MyOtherProfile thanks for letting me know! I'd better start healthcare training!

Ilovemypantry · 06/10/2019 10:20

I have absolutely loved reading this thread 😂😂

QueenOfWinterfell · 06/10/2019 10:21

If I decided to go to university it would have to be Oxford which I would easily get into despite not previously showing any signs of being a child genius or coming from a family with any signs of intelligence

Aridane · 06/10/2019 17:47

Never go to the loo

Never watch television

Always have a tidy home and quite a nice one at that, regardless of my income

Always buy a bottle of wine down the pub and not from a shop

Never ever go to a supermarket but only the corner shop

Live in a place with ,ultiple murders, car crashes, adultery and serial killers

Aridane · 06/10/2019 17:53

I would never go to work and would not know anyone working (other than those working in the launderette, pub, corner shop, hospital)

Aridane · 06/10/2019 17:53

Oh and if I was a solicitor, I would be an expert in all areas of the law - I’d help you buy a house, fight an injustice on your behalf, represent you in court, help you in your divorce proceedings and child custody cases

I love this one!

lololove · 06/10/2019 20:59

I would never ever end any phonecall with a 'bye' (or similar) I'd just hang up.

I'd also never make firm arrangements for times/places to meet up - they're clearly mindreaders and they'll just know.

Aprillygirl · 06/10/2019 21:16

I would never fart or burp despite living on a diet of bacon barms, hotpots, kebabs and alcohol

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