Living life according to a soap opera

[jennymanara]

If you were going to live your life according to how people live in soap operas, what would you do differently?

If I had a small problem I would never talk to DP about it e.g. small debt. Instead I would try and hide the problem and end up in a far bigger mess.

If the kids annoyed me I would send them to their bedroom. I would next see them 9 months later when they would have grown and become less annoying.

If I wanted anyone to babysit I would go to the cafe or pub and easily find someone to babysit on the spot, for the rest of the day.

If I was unemployed, I would spend the day wandering around the shops and pub right outside my house, and by the end of the day I would have a job.

I'd be involved in multiple murder/kidnapping plot lines, including pretending I was dying of cancer and faking my own death, but have no problem getting a teaching job at a local high school

If I'd got good grades and a place at university, I would go. For two days, before returning immediately to my parent's house because 'it wasn't for me'.

If I was widowed it would be fine because a month later I would move on to a new relationship and be married again a couple of months after that.

I’d have a badly paid job as a sous-chef but still be able to afford to live in a gorgeous spacious apartment in NYC.

Ah but I think she illegally sublet it from her Grandma coatless

OMG this thread sounds like my in-laws 😩

I'd only ever shop at the local corner store for all my food, regardless of its prices. Except that I can survive on just a packet of biscuits and a bottle of wine, as that's all I ever buy.

I would never just have a minor illness which could be cured with a trip to the pharmacy or GP. All headaches would turn out to be brain tumours, a bit of a fever would be sepsis/meningitis/a rare tropical disease and any sickness or fainting would definitely be an unplanned pregnancy.

I would be concerned that the local Hospital and Police force only have one doctor, one nurse and two policeman. However that means that when a teenager decides to become a policeman he does so immediately with apparently no training. But that is OK because despite having no experience of using a sewing machine/working in a restaurant or cafe I can get a job in any of those places immediately just by asking.

I would never shit or piss again

If my life was a soap opera every time I had big shit to think about I'd sit on a swing in a rundown park.

If the overpriced shop.is closed and I fancy a bottle of wine ,I wont just find a nearby off licence that open I will.buy a bottle from the pub .

@igotdemons and @Fuma

I thought that Sharon, Michelle and Ian were all meant to be 5th form / Y11 / age 15-16 when East Enders began in 1985? So that would make them turning 50 now. Admit I've not watched for a while but was avid viewer for years

If I owned and ran a cafe I would ignore the health and safety laws and get away with it.That's so I can cook and serve food wearing a dirty greasy cardigan and equally dirty apron on top and have my hair falling into my face because I like doing it that way.I would also employ assistants who walk straight in from the street without washing their hands, and constantly flick their pony tail around when serving food.
If I left to go abroad to live I would after a while pretend to be killed in a car crash out there and have my child return to the UK to live. Then when said child is grown up I would then return to the UK with some daft excuse why I had to be dead for a few years and everyone would carry on as normal as if I had never been away or dead.
If I murdered someone n the street I would serve a few years of my prison term then get freed on a technicality.I would then go straight back to the street where I had committed the murder, and even my victims relatives and friends would welcome me back with open arms as soon as I said ''Any chance of a cuppa?'' and all will be forgiven and forgotten.

I'd have a horse that regularly changed colour, sex and breed and was very fit looking even though I mainly only ride it at a walk to have intense chance encounters with lovers or enemies. It'd be immaculate even though I only half heartedly brush it's neck with a body brush while having a conversation. My tack would be also immaculate, as are the horses rugs. Despite it being a 'competition' horse it would only ever spook if someone drove at me, or past me in a dangerous manner, and not at random things like wheelie bins and big leaves, depositing me on my arse in a puddle and taking an hour to catch.
It would stand perfectly for me to have my chance encounters and never snatch for grass. It'd never shit anywhere, not even in it's stable, and certainly not lie or roll in it. My dogs would be under the control of someone just out of eye shot and sniff happily, never leaving a dirty great turd or cocking a leg anywhere, or roll in something unmentionable.

Instead of just telling people something I wanted them to know I’d tell them ‘I must see you later’. If they asked why I’d say ‘Not now, I’ll tell you later’. And for some reason instead of telling me to stop being so bloody annoying and just say what I need to they’d let me get away with this stupid behaviour.

When I was a toddler I would leave the UK with my mother and live in Italy only to return at 15 still speaking in the broad accent of my native town.

I'd have a serious life changing accident or medical condition. I'd be dramatically informed it was incurable and various people would flit around me, all sad at my plight.
Six months later I'll be perfectly well without another word said about it.
If not then I'll end up the victim of a "mercy killing".
My house would have suspiciously thin walls.

Instead of just telling people something I wanted them to know I’d tell them ‘I must see you later’. If they asked why I’d say ‘Not now, I’ll tell you later’. And for some reason instead of telling me to stop being so bloody annoying and just say what I need to they’d let me get away with this stupid behaviour.

Also don't forget, something will a
invariably happen to prevent you from ever telling them!

If I was very ill in hospital, the doctor would say ‘I’m sorry, we’re doing all we can’ and walk away without any further explanation. My nearest and dearest wouldn’t be allowed in to see me, even although I could die, because I need to rest

@shinynewapple They would have all turned 16 the year EE started. Ian in March, Michelle in July and Sharon in October (according to Wiki). Trouble is, soaps aren’t always very consistent with ages. I don’t remember Ian celebrating his 50th birthday this year for example? You’d think that that would be mentioned but I’ve noticed some birthdays are mentioned and others are not! 🤔

Ians birthday isn't mentioned because Kathy isclearly 62

There's only one room at the hospital and there was only one (now two - occasionally three) doctors but the room is always free when you need it and the doctor will be at your side day/night - even if they are your relative/neighbour. There are no conflicts of interest at all.

And despite soaps have millions of viewers no one will mention having watched last night

If I worked in a hospital I would only ever interact with people in that hospital. All my relationships would be with other staff or patients, my children would always come to the hospital to talk to me and the only time more distant relatives appear would be to have treatment at the hospital. I would never shop or cook or go out except to the pub across the road from the hospital. Where of course only fellow staff members will be drinking.