Living life according to a soap opera

[jennymanara]

If you were going to live your life according to how people live in soap operas, what would you do differently?

If I had a small problem I would never talk to DP about it e.g. small debt. Instead I would try and hide the problem and end up in a far bigger mess.

If the kids annoyed me I would send them to their bedroom. I would next see them 9 months later when they would have grown and become less annoying.

If I wanted anyone to babysit I would go to the cafe or pub and easily find someone to babysit on the spot, for the rest of the day.

If I was unemployed, I would spend the day wandering around the shops and pub right outside my house, and by the end of the day I would have a job.

I’d always wear stilettos in the house.

I’d regularly pop into my friends and families workplaces for a quick chat. Their employers would think nothing of it.

@myotherprofile and obviously the tests you needed would be done immediatley with results back within the hour.

If they're not back that quickly you know there is something really bad happening - like a colleagues son stalking the corridors with a shotgun shooting at colleagues.

As l have lived in the same road for over 10 years, l would be grateful l had life’s that long without any attempts on my life.

@lololove always. But even if the bad thing was that I had a serious illness, I will recover in a couple of episodes and be back at work with no side effects.

If I have to get something from a room in the hospital it is usually the one where the colleague’s son with the shotgun Is hiding. Luckily, quite a lot of the time, something distracts me just before I enter the room and he’s gone by the time I go back.

Also, at home, I sometimes change my hairstyle between getting up to answer the door and opening the door.

@Mrsjayy Good point! I was only thinking the other day that Kathy is supposed to be nearly 70 now and she looks more like Ian’s sister than his Mum! 🤣

I think Kath was supposed to have had Ian at 18/9 Gillian Taylforth has aged very well maybe had a bit ofhelp but she doesn't look like a mum of a 50 year old,

There'd never be any parking problems in my street, because cars, like children, are only expected to appear on the scene when they're required to move the plot forward. The rest of the time some thoughtful attendant drives them to wait for the call to duty in some underground depot.

@Mrsjayy Trouble is, Gillian Taylforth is only 13 years older than Adam Woodyatt and as you say, she has aged well so it just looks a little unrealistic!

I would have a ONS with one of my neighbours. Despite promising to keep it quiet I would confess to my best friend in the ladies of the local pub. I would of course be overheard by the wife of my ONS, who would be lurking in one of the cubicles.

Gillian Taylforth and Kate moss were separated a t birth I think.

If I was a criminal solicitor I would always always be on duty at the same police station and would always be available for hearings at court despite also being on duty at the police station. I would be mildly inept and slightly bumbling, or completely hard faced, as required. I would never need a client to complete a legal aid form.

My soap opera life would be in Australia. My children would have grown up and left home (most likely moving to America for some fabulous opportunity). I would therefore have an endless supply of teenage nieces and nephews needing to come live with me, to provide my life with much needed drama. Even when I thought I had run out of nieces and nephews, a new one would emerge.

I would do my entire weekly shop in the (probably overpriced) corner shop. I’d get pregnant at school, tell no-one but a friend and my mum wouldn’t notice and just say I looked ‘peaky’ 🤦‍♀️

It wouldn’t bother me that when I ordered a coffee I was given an empty takeaway cup 😂

I would never ever struggle with childcare. I could work or not, I would still be able to afford endless trips to a pub and my children would just look after themselves (presumably).

All my children would have been born on Christmas Day.
I would stare through the window inside a hospital at my mortal enemy and then find a way into their room while they slept, to whisper a sinister message in their ear. And probably steal something of theirs.
I would have a never ending supply of elaborate and expensive fancy dress outfits and would find time to wear them for a party the same day I got the invitation.

If I'm a male middle aged soap actor ,adult children of mine that I never knew existed will.randomly turn up to the very small community that I live in and I will.onl find out im their father by coincidence

I'll begin to dread inconsequential everyday phrases of the "don't worry, it'll be fine" and "You won't regret it" sort, knowing that it probably won't and I definitely will. I'll perfect my range of pensive, troubled yet knowing looks to no-one in particular, as the harbinger of doom cheerily leaves.

I would go on holiday at very short notice and with a very small bag and then would never be seen (or spoken of) for at least 6 months. No one is wondering where my income is coming from or how I've dealt with visa issues.
I may just disappear and no one in my family would worry about where I've gone.
If I move to the other side of town then I would never be invited round for a meal or to an important occasion (wedding, funeral etc).
I would be able to move from one end of the country to another and change my accent, hairstyle etc and no one would notice my new identity (because they don't have TVs!)

After a falling out/ an affair / family aggro etc I would conveniently disappear for a long period of time then return with a bad case of amnesia. I'd suddenly recover after a nasty bash on the head or an electric shock and cause ructions in the street.

I would instinctively trust all strangers and ignore my family and friends telling me that they have weird or bad feelings about the stranger. I would even take the strangers side against said family and friends and buy all the lies they tell me.

I definitely would not taste the crushed up codeine they were sprinkling on their "homemade" (really box made but noone ever finds the boxes!) cookies in their effort to try and trigger my addiction.

And I'd let another work in my garden center and be really really bad at it despite the fact everyone bad been raving about what good care he'd taken of their gardens... (whilst looking for a medallion that would prove he killed his estranged father but shush!)

If I worked in a hospital I'd be a expert in every area in that hospital so most likely be the only doctor you would ever see.

My age will keep going up or down randomly depending on what's going on. One minute I'll be 30 the next ooo now I'm 28!

@LetsGoFlyAKitee

You have solved a mystery. A friend of mine recently started an admin role in a hospital and is now able to diagnose virtually any medical condition and recommend treatment. Clearly she is actually living in a soap and I hadn’t noticed.