Living life according to a soap opera

[jennymanara]

If you were going to live your life according to how people live in soap operas, what would you do differently?

If I had a small problem I would never talk to DP about it e.g. small debt. Instead I would try and hide the problem and end up in a far bigger mess.

If the kids annoyed me I would send them to their bedroom. I would next see them 9 months later when they would have grown and become less annoying.

If I wanted anyone to babysit I would go to the cafe or pub and easily find someone to babysit on the spot, for the rest of the day.

If I was unemployed, I would spend the day wandering around the shops and pub right outside my house, and by the end of the day I would have a job.

GertrudeCB. Ofc even though you don't have a washing machine you never spend your time huffing a bin bag full of dirty clothes down the high st and getting stressed when your smalls spill out of it.

I wouldn’t own a TV

I would regularly almost die and be barely hanging onto life, only to be back in the pub sinking pints like nothing had ever happened the next day.

I'd leave in a cab with one little suitcase!

If I felt any communal building in my street, such as a factory, shop or community centre, was getting a bit boring, I'd arrange for it to be burnt down.

If I felt one of my neighbours was becoming boring, I'd arrange for them to get a new job at the other end of the country. Or 'in Brisbane' if I was an Australian.

I'd get over an addiction to hard drugs in less than a week and find a council flat by turning up at the offices and asking, and be moved in by bedtime.

I’d be heavily pregnant (after 3 months) and my waters will break in the middle of a wedding/stuck up a mountain with no phone coverage/in the middle of a big revelation such as my husband is sleeping with my best friend aunts, neighbours cleaner.

When I finally got to the hospital, the medical staff delivering my baby is my neighbour who just happened to be in duty at the time and also had done my life saving brain surgery 6 months prior and amputated my mums leg (a medical genius).

Whenever a relative came up to me and said 'There's something important I need to tell you' I would immediately make an excuse and dash off somewhere, saying we'd talk about it later, but then forget all about it.

If I was seriously ill or in trouble, I wouldn't tell anyone, I'd just stare angstily at their retreating figure after every conversation.

I would spend all my time complaining that I was skint from working on a market stall but when I decided to get married, have an expensive do and honeymoon, with nobody questioning how I managed to afford it.

If have children I never see much.

I would rather, not if!

Oh and obviously I would find out on the wedding day that my partner had cheated/had a baby with somebody else/was actually gay/had murdered someone (delete as applicable).

Oh and if I was a solicitor, I would be an expert in all areas of the law - I’d help you buy a house, fight an injustice on your behalf, represent you in court, help you in your divorce proceedings and child custody cases.

I'd book holidays at the drop of a hat "to cheer myself up", announce I'm leaving tomorrow and never consider the cost, even though I make minimum wage. My boss would have no issue with this.

If my sibling moved to Scotland or London, I would never see or mention them again. I certainly wouldn't expect to see them at my wedding or our mother's funeral.

If something very dramatically awful happened to me, I might announce that I'm moving to the USA as I have a mate over there. I would leave within a week with only a duffel bag and no visa.

If I lost my job and none of the businesses on my street were hiring, I would probably become homeless and starve. I certainly wouldn't look further afield in my major UK city, and neither I nor anyone else would consider signing on as an interim measure.

If I suddenly needed an ‘emergency’ appointment to see my Doctor because I’d been ignoring some worrying symptoms, they’d manage to squeeze me in the same day. The same goes for hospital treatment.

If I was told I’d never have children, I’d miraculously fall pregnant to a one night stand or aged 50 and mistake the symptoms for the menopause.

I think I watch too many soaps...

@igotdemons speaking of which justhow is Sharon on EastEnders pregnant??! I don't really watch it but caught a bit this week and the dcs told me she is. Now, I am 48 and I know her character is a good few years older than me because she was close to leaving school when it began, which was about when I started secondary. She must be 51/52. How is she having a baby??!

I'd have massive multiple fallings out with family and friends where the most heinous insults are traded left right and centre, and even physical aggression occurs. However, instead of going nc and never having anything to do with each other ever again, within weeks the only sign, if any, of a bust-up is a slight coolness and the odd reproachful look.

@Fuma My sentiments exactly! Think she is supposed to be 50 next month... but the fact that she was told she wouldn’t be able to have children and then had Denny was nothing short of a miracle but to be told that and then fall pregnant at 50 is laughable IMHO! 🤣

I would move into a distant relatives house that I'd never had contact with before and argue with them forevermore. I would never own a tele or washing machine and at any sign of trouble I would leg it to Ibiza/Portugal/Tenerife to live with other relatives I'd never had any contact with.

@igotdemons it's just completely dissonant! I've googled and she was 16 when Michelle got pregnant in 1985.

That is, she was already 16 at the start of the academic year before, so would have been 17 by September 1985.

@Fuma Yes I’ve noticed that soaps do ‘play’ with the characters ages and fit them around storylines. There is generally no consistency!

I would only ever book my wedding for a random weekday, usually Monday, never for a Saturday like a regular person.

And I would invite all the people on my street to said wedding, even if I never really talked to them or only ever saw them when I went into their shop to but a packet of biscuits.

I would have a baby which would be seen with me all the time for a while, but then after a few months I would forget I even had this baby and go out getting pissed or meeting friends or appearing in court etc and, presumably, leave it at home alone.

If I was feeling sad and tearful, i would never sit in my own garden, instead preferring to go and sit on a set of swings at the park or a bench in a busy street.

I would expect there to be an explosion, plane crash or other terrible disaster on significant anniversaries for my neighbourhood.

I would probably marry a serial killer. Twice.

I would just flick at my food with my fork to show how upset I was over something.
I would walk past my own front door to buy lunch in the pub every day.
Everything I would ever need in life...job, relationship, shop, is on my street, I would never, ever need to go any further than the end of my road