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Original poster

Living life according to a soap opera

233 replies

jennymanara · 28/09/2019 11:32

If you were going to live your life according to how people live in soap operas, what would you do differently?

If I had a small problem I would never talk to DP about it e.g. small debt. Instead I would try and hide the problem and end up in a far bigger mess.

If the kids annoyed me I would send them to their bedroom. I would next see them 9 months later when they would have grown and become less annoying.

If I wanted anyone to babysit I would go to the cafe or pub and easily find someone to babysit on the spot, for the rest of the day.

If I was unemployed, I would spend the day wandering around the shops and pub right outside my house, and by the end of the day I would have a job.

OP posts:
EL2019 · 01/10/2019 09:21

If I was ill in hospital and all my relatives were crying and worried, I’d know I was going to recover.

On the other hand if they were all hopeful I was going to be ok, then I’d know I was going to die for definite.

EL2019 · 01/10/2019 09:23

If I moved away for a few months, when I returned I would stand dramatically in the pub doorway, waiting for people to notice me. When they do, and all collectively gasp I kid say, “That’s right. I’M BACK” and smirk.

EL2019 · 01/10/2019 09:30

I would never watch TV. Never discuss what was on telly last night.

I would however turn on the TV only at the point they were reporting a crime that either I, or a relative, had committed.

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CaptainMyCaptain · 01/10/2019 09:55

If I had sex I'd get out of bed still wearing, at the very least, my bra and pants. Then I'd put my clothes on and go out without a shower (eugh!).

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/10/2019 09:56

I would however turn on the TV only at the point they were reporting a crime that either I, or a relative, had committed. And then immediately switch it off and not watch anything else.

sashh · 01/10/2019 11:59

I would invite all my neighbours to my wedding but not any of my relatives, even those who had only moved to Manchester last month.

I will only shop in the local shop and only buy 2 things at a time.

IfI have breast cancer and need to have a mastectomy I will continue to flash my cleavage, never have problems finding clothes or go for further scans / monitoring.

ZetaPuppis · 01/10/2019 12:12

I’d only ever live and work locally. My only friends and lovers are my neighbours. I never venture further than my street but if for some necessity I have to leave, then I’d decide to go to Australia or South Africa or somewhere else really far.

ComfortablyGlum · 01/10/2019 12:42

The only time I ever feel the urge to rummage in a bin I will always find a discarded, positive pregnancy test.....

EggysMom · 01/10/2019 17:50

I'd never just be sat on my phone looking at Facebook, or pulling daft faces for selfies-with-cat-ears (dunno what the app is called). But if I needed to walk to the corner shop, then I'd do it whilst glued to my phone, bumping into people along the way ...

sprite25 · 01/10/2019 21:33

Everyone in the street would have been married to each other at various times, I'd have an affair with a neighbour, find out I was pregnant but wouldn't know who the dad was. I'd suddenly be heavily pregnant after a couple of weeks and go into sudden intense labour which would last 5 minutes resulting in giving birth to a 3 month old. The baby would have some inherited illness meaning DH would find out about the affair and the baby not being his. He would then murder the father, who later turned out to be his long lost brother. All of this would be forgotten in a matter of months and then we'd just continue living our merry lives as if nothing ever happened

TheWashingFairyatemyhamster · 02/10/2019 22:52

I would entirely fail to notice that I’d given birth to twins.

Despite there being no supermarket anywhere near the three streets I live in, I would never have to stay in for an online food delivery and not would there ever be supermarket delivery vans delivering to my neighbours.

When I got a new job requiring me to leave the area for ever I would not have to sever any notice at my existing job, wouldn’t have to wait for references to be taken up, and in fact would need to leave immediately taking only one small suitcase. None of my relatives would moan that I’d left all my shite behind for them to pack up and send on to me. However they would only come to visit me if they had spent a few months carrying large bags or folders in front of their stomach first. Or were also leaving our old street for evah.

WarmSausageTea · 03/10/2019 04:46

My neighbour would be on Strictly and nobody would talk about it.

x2boys · 03/10/2019 08:28

I would suddenly have a personality transplant and turn into a psychopath after being mild mannered for most of my life , if I developed an addiction it would be very sudden and very obvious ,I would go from having my normal.drinks with my neighbours down the pub, to suddenly downing bottles of Vodka constantly .

Grimbles · 03/10/2019 09:32

If I needed a job I would just hang around and wait in the cafe/pub/market until one of the business owners was run off their feet. I would then jump in and completely wow the owner with my mad selling skillz and be given a job on the spot. I would not need to ask about working hours, wages or anything unimportant like that.

MrsJackman1 · 03/10/2019 09:56

If I suspected I might be pregnant but NOBODY must EVER know, I'd buy a pregnancy testing kit from the local corner shop (that I use at least twice a day and am BFF's with the owner). Then I would go back to my terraced house with the elastic walls and pee on the stick. After a few minutes I would check the stick then look blankly into the mirror while slightly biting my lower lip. I will then chuck the stick right on top of the already full waste paper basket and leave the room. I'll go straight to the pub where someone will ask if I'm ok, I'll just smile wistfully and sigh quietly but say "yeah, course, everything's fine"

x2boys · 03/10/2019 10:20

And you would also order orange juice in the pub ,when your normal tipple is tequila slammers Mrs ?

Samcro · 03/10/2019 10:33

I would always leave my front door open/unlocked, so when I am having sex with my secret very young fling/my best mates sister, people can just walk in and catch us.
I will also not mind going to prison for saving someone, because said someone is too scared to appear in court. I will just smile and say thats ok.

MrsJackman1 · 03/10/2019 10:35

But of course x2boys and, if questioned, I'd brush it off as being on a health kick. ;)

nildesparandum · 03/10/2019 21:30

I would suddenly develop kidney failure but go on drinking in the pub.I would manage to get a sucessful kidney transplant from a relative who I thought was my late husband's cousin, but by a miracle turns out to be my half brother as well.After said transplant I would be out of hospital in about two days and head into the pub as quick as possible and start necking wine again.I would never have to take any anti rejection drugs either.Lucky girl aren't I?

Fi1982 · 03/10/2019 23:09

I would eschew Google, Tinder and Facebook for the far superior Voggle, Smouldr and FriendFace 😂

If I were to refer to any kind of entertainment media, it would always be a vague ‘shall we go to the pictures, see that new action flick’, never naming the film or band or programme. Magically the other person would always know what I’m referring to, rather than going ‘WTF film are you talking about’.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 03/10/2019 23:30

I will never have a hobby or interest no matter how mainstream. I never watch sports and/or comment on them, nevermind anything else like ballroom dancing or knitting say. I have no interest in current affairs and would be pushed to tell you who the current PM is.
I also have no taste in music in that I don't listen to music or anything of any genre.
Nor will I have any friends or contacts outside the street I live in. If I go to university/get a job elseware I'll never see anyone again.

Bloodybridget · 03/10/2019 23:59

Well obviously I would have to be heterosexual, as there are no lesbians over the age of 30. (Am I wrong? I don't actually watch any soaps!)

nevergotthehangofthursdays · 04/10/2019 00:04

If I worked in the police I would never have to do any paperwork or traffic control or internet safety awareness talks. I would cruise the streets in my vintage Jag checking on my suspect's movements and finding clues to the fiendishly complicated murder puzzle hidden in my favourite operas.

JemimaTab · 04/10/2019 00:47

If I was meeting someone for dinner, we’d book it for 5:30 p.m. (No one does this in real life do they? Just Coronation St.)

I’d have all my neighbours’ numbers in my phone, even if I have never interacted with them.

If I inherit money in a will, I get it straight away instead of having to wait months (at least) for probate to go through.

If I decide to start a new life in, say, Australia, I am able to get (and afford!) flights the same evening without having to worry about visas, insurance, where I’m going to stay when I get there, etc.

If I have a serious illness or injury and am in hospital at death’s door, I’ll be completely fine in a week or two and it will never be mentioned again.

Eastie77 · 04/10/2019 17:30

If I lived in expensive East London (and I actually do) I'd live a large Victorian house easily worth around £1 million but I wouldn't have a job or claim benefits. I'd live off fresh air.

If I needed a job I would never venture beyond the square I live on and would never look online. I would only ask for work in local super-mart, laundrette or cafe. I would only look in 'The Gazette' because I haven't heard of the Internet.

Despite my lack of money I would eat breakfast in the cafe, lunch in the pub and dinner in the Fish and Chip shop.