Don't believe my DP

[Natenywolf]

Name changed for this as don't want this thread to show on my posting history.

When me and partner first got together he was violent (never towards me though I thought I should add) and would punch people if he was annoyed/angry and he knew I didn't like it but he stopped punching people although they made him angry and annoyed.

Today he went out with his friend for a few drinks.

He came back earlier and had a small cut on his face and a cut on his lip. I asked him how it happened and he said he scratched himself.

For some reason I don't believe him.

He's now asleep (isn't used to drinking as he doesn't drink often and when he does it makes him tired).

Any advice on what I could do? Or should I just leave it?

Read about Lynn. She stayed with her partner because she loved him. Just like you.

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/sickening-domestic-violence-picture-victim-16919189

I'm going to leave him. He called GP and got an appointment but he probably won't tell them he is violent. So they wouldn't be able to help him.

So many red flags here.
Why doesn't he see your family and friends often? And how does he feel about you seeing them?

He's fine with me seeing them. He doesn't see my friends much because I mainly see them at work but if me and my friends go out together partner doesn't want to come and does something else like seeing his friends/his family. He doesn't see my family much because he says they are my family so I should spend time with them alone. Or he's working when I see them (sometimes works weekends). But when I visited my parents for a few days the other week he did come.

Do you think making the appointment is an attempt to convince you he's dealing with the anger & violence, when in fact he won't tell the GP about it?

How old are you both OP?

I'm not sure if he made the appointment to convince me. I'm 27 and he's 24.

If he was making genuine efforts to control his anger, I'd think it was fair to give him a chance.
But he doesn't seem to be doing that, and you don't trust him.
Can you discuss leaving with any friends or family?
If you work out where you'll go, how you'll earn money etc if you leave him then you'll feel much more confident about making that decision.

You sound conditioned into sticking up for him. How do you know he has no criminal record? Because he told you?
I had started seeing a guy, about 10 years ago now, about the 4th time I went to his house he had a really big argument with his mum came upstairs and punched the wall twice. I left, ended it the next day on the phone. It scared me and all I could think was that could one day be me. I still speak to him now, hes married with kids, they're happy - he didnt become a violent thug but I wasnt prepared to take that risk, noone should.

@QforCucumber good for you, also you think they're happy but you don't know if he punches the walls or if his wife 'tries not to make him angry', and you don't need to.

@QforCucumber or maybe he realised he'd scared you and sorted himself out.
Either way, you did the right thing.

He said he thinks I'm scared of him. And that he can't be in a relationship at the moment because he needs to work on his anger/violence. So he split up with me but said we can still be friends and when he has worked on his anger/violence we can get back together if I want.

And he told me to tell people he cheated because he doesn't care what people think.

He’s trying to make you feel sorry for him - more controlling behaviour - take the chance and get going

He’s tried to work on that before. Walk away and keep walking.

...he stopped punching people although they made him angry and annoyed

Minor but essential point. Nobody makes anybody feel angry and annoyed. Our emotions are our own responsibility.

Wow.
Take your chance to get away from him.
Tell people the truth, why should you lie?

Sorry I missed your update.

I hope you take this opportunity to have a break and perhaps thinking about doing the Freedom
programme? You can do it online.