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Original poster

Don't believe my DP

192 replies

Natenywolf · 14/09/2019 18:09

Name changed for this as don't want this thread to show on my posting history.

When me and partner first got together he was violent (never towards me though I thought I should add) and would punch people if he was annoyed/angry and he knew I didn't like it but he stopped punching people although they made him angry and annoyed.

Today he went out with his friend for a few drinks.

He came back earlier and had a small cut on his face and a cut on his lip. I asked him how it happened and he said he scratched himself.

For some reason I don't believe him.

He's now asleep (isn't used to drinking as he doesn't drink often and when he does it makes him tired).

Any advice on what I could do? Or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 15/09/2019 10:29

Yes, it’s very easy to hit a wall accidentally, clearly the wall got a bit upset and hit him back, explaining the cuts on his face. He couldn’t shut his mouth, someone lamped him....which do you think is the more credible explanation?

CallmeAngelina · 15/09/2019 10:37

So supposing you're out with some of your friends, your brothers/dad/male cousins. The conversation/banter drifts into territory that annoys your dp. How confident are you that he wouldn't punch one of your circle? And even if he managed to stop himself from actually punching them, his anger would be very obvious. How awkward would that be?
And do you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid conflict with him?
Be honest with yourself here.

CallmeAngelina · 15/09/2019 10:38

And I think that even the Kray twins' mum would have said they never got violent with her.

TwentyEight12 · 15/09/2019 10:47

Whether he has got himself involved in something unsavoury or has genuinely had an accident... there is no way of knowing for certain unless you were physically there and saw what happened with your own eyes or someone comes forward to press charges and there is CCTV to prove it.

I would suggest that you tell him that only he knows the truth of what occurred but that if he is in actual fact involving himself in fighting again and that comes to light, you’ll have no other option than to seriously consider if you want to remain in a relationship with a physically aggressive partner and/or you’ll be leaving.

Aquifer · 15/09/2019 10:49

Someone I know was paralysed by one punch. They were acting like an idiot and some guy decided to punch him, he's now paralysed due to how he fell and the guy is looking at a court case.

Why would you be with a man like this?

MitziK · 15/09/2019 10:58

He hit the wall accidentally with his face and hand? Was he slung out of a pub by a bouncer? Or just some more sober guys in the pub on a Saturday lunchtime, who had enough of the belligerent drunk trying to start a fight?

These are great stories - marvellous entertainment (apart from the possibility of somebody being in hospital or dead, obviously).

And when he's barred from his favourite boozer (or every pub in town if they've got the system mine has), I suppose that's mistaken identity, a conspiracy or he just decided he liked a different one better because 'it's not full of cunts' or suchlike.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 11:23

We have been together for 3 years. We don't have children together.

I told him to ask his friend what happened and he said his friend was drunk so he wouldn't remember.

OP posts:
Soola · 15/09/2019 11:26

So now he can speak for his mate.

Violence aside, he is a big fat liar.

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 11:27

If I got violent when drunk, I’d never get drunk.

It sounds like he only went to anger management to appease you but didn’t tell the truth or engage properly at all - therefore he’ll still have the same anger problems.

Now he’s lying to wheedle his way out of what happened yesterday.

hardyloveit · 15/09/2019 12:16

Are you young?? You sound very naive !
So you have stayed with someone who is violent but because he doesn't hit you it okay! What about the people he IS hitting ? I've read many news stories about someone dying from one or two punches!
If he has anger issues - which clearly he does. It's not a case of if it's a case of when he hits you. ! Get away as fast as you can.
You obviously can't trust this poor pathetic excuse for a man! Piece of shit is what he Is!

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 12:23

I don't know if I should ask his friend because partner said he wouldn't remember because he drank more than him but he could just be lying so he doesn't have to ask him.

It isn't ok that he hits people. When I first got with him I didn't know he had anger issues and got into fights. I only knew he got into fights was when I moved in with him. I knew he got angry easily before that though because I used to made him angry (not on purpose though) but he didn't hit me he just told me to leave him alone for a bit.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 15/09/2019 12:26

You make him angry?
The drink makes him violent?
He’s refusing to take responsibility.
Don’t bother asking his friend. Get away from the violent arse with the drink problem.

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 12:27

I’m sure you didn’t do anything to make him angry. He’s just an angry man.

Can you have a read of this and see if any of it sounds familiar? And do you or have you changed your behaviour, to stop him being angry with you?

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 12:30

Actually, don’t read that, it goes all round the houses!

This is better:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

yellowallpaper · 15/09/2019 12:39

The police can legally tell you if he has been abusive to partners in the past, so I'd check there as well as everything else.

Soola · 15/09/2019 12:41

He’s a ticking time bomb and you don’t know when he will cross the line and punch 🤛 you.

Do you want to live like that?

Cecilandsnail · 15/09/2019 13:44

Fuck this! What are you even THINKING?! Why is your bar set so low? So he used to go round punching people, would get angry at you, needed to get anger management, and you hung around waiting for him to turn into a model gentleman? He's clearly been in a fight and you're dithering about it? His story has more holes than a colander and he's still a thug with a temper and quick fists. Ugh. You need to aim higher than this scuzzer.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 13:50

I used to make him angry but now I don't and try not to.

I only stayed with him because he got anger management and he stopped punching people.

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 14:04

It sounds like you’re changing your behaviour to fit around him.

He hasn’t taken responsibility for anything. He hasn’t stopped being angry with you - you’ve put in all the effort there.

You got him to go to anger management. He didn’t organise it did himself (or he’d have gone years ago) AND he didn’t work properly at it when he did go.

He doesn’t take responsibility for his drinking.

You don’t need to go to huge efforts for him. He’s not your child. He needs to do things for himself - because he knows it’s the right way to behave.

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2019 14:08

You try not to make him angry? You’ve changed your behaviour to placate him.
He’s clearly been violent somehow. He’s not been cured.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/09/2019 14:12

Are you honestly this naive????

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 14:43

He doesn't get angry with me very often. And he made an appointment to see gp before he got anger management I didn't tell him to.

He asked me if i know what happened to his face and I said no. He said he scratched himself but doesn't know why he's got a bruise. And I asked him if he got punched but he said no.

OP posts:
Soola · 15/09/2019 14:46

For goodness sake! You can’t be that naive!

He’s a thug. A grotty excuse of a man.

Do you really have such low standards that you would stay with this lump?

AnyFucker · 15/09/2019 14:54

You sound like a bot repeating the same thing over and over

It won't be long until you get a crack from him. Or maybe not, if that lobotomy you have had keeps you so fucking docile.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 15:35

If I left him he would probably go back to his old ways and would probably get arrested and his family would probably blame me for leaving him.

I was just putting a wash on and I noticed the top he was wearing yesterday had blood on (he took it off yesterday before I saw because he was going to go to sleep).

I do have a strong feeling he was fighting though but he won't admit it/says he doesn't know what happens when he probably does

OP posts:
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