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Original poster

Don't believe my DP

192 replies

Natenywolf · 14/09/2019 18:09

Name changed for this as don't want this thread to show on my posting history.

When me and partner first got together he was violent (never towards me though I thought I should add) and would punch people if he was annoyed/angry and he knew I didn't like it but he stopped punching people although they made him angry and annoyed.

Today he went out with his friend for a few drinks.

He came back earlier and had a small cut on his face and a cut on his lip. I asked him how it happened and he said he scratched himself.

For some reason I don't believe him.

He's now asleep (isn't used to drinking as he doesn't drink often and when he does it makes him tired).

Any advice on what I could do? Or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 16:56

Yes I'm sure he hasn't.

By writing I try not to make him angry I mean that if he starts an argument I don't argue back with him. Or If I'm annoyed at him I don't argue with him etc.

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 17:02

If you popped round here now, we could have a massive argument and not worry that we would punch each other! If I got fed up of arguing with you, I’d say “we’ll continue this another time” and we’d have a cup of tea.

Do you see that a partner should have special rules, just because he’s a partner?

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 17:04

*should not. I don’t know what’s wrong with my typing today!

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 17:04

No i dont think he should get special rules because he is a partner

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 17:06

And no, the police would only be able to tell you about crimes your partner has been found guilty of.

Don’t forget, people aren’t found guilty all the time. And most assaults aren’t reported...

You have to apply to find this info out, you can’t just walk into a police station and be told over the desk.

And you don’t NEED it, because you know he’s violent.

Iflyaway · 15/09/2019 17:13

This is a chilling thread.....

OP, why are you not taking on board all the wise posters who are taking time out to counsel you?

Like someone said upthread, you keep repeating convincing?yourself like a broken record.

I can't see the attraction to such a man at all, but each to her own.

Do you really want to end up as a domestic violence statistic?
You are already treading on egg shells to keep him "happy".

And really, who gives a fuck what his parents think. This is YOUR life!

I ran away from a "boyfriend" who physically abused me. And went on to have a great life (usual ups and downs of course). I'm sure I would be dead by now otherwise.

I hope you can find the strength and self-love to do the same.

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2019 17:18

So you tiptoe round him because you’re scared of his temper. Leave. And FFS don’t have kids with him.

Soola · 15/09/2019 17:22

It’s up to you if you want to tip toe around him forever or keep shtum when he picks the colour of your new carpet because you don’t want to say you like another colour in case he gets angry?

You will lead a miserable existence and no matter how placid and submissive you are there will always be the risk of him getting angry with you and giving you a clout.

acatcalledjohn · 15/09/2019 17:22

You can't fix people.

As I said in pp I would leave him but he would probably go back to his own ways and probably get arrested and his parents would blame me.

Perhaps they ought to look a little closer to home given that they raised him.

Up your standards OP. This is a seriously depressing read.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2019 17:22

By writing I try not to make him angry I mean that if he starts an argument I don't argue back with him. Or If I'm annoyed at him I don't argue with him etc

God that's so sad. Why are you choosing to live like this. Are you financially reliant on him?

You're clearly scared of him op, deeply scared of him. No one lives like this if they are not scared.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 17:26

No i dont want to end up as a domestic violence statistic.

If I left him I'd have to move back with my parents in a different area (they moved) because the rent is in his name.

If we split up I'd hope we would still be friends but he probably wouldn't want that because he isn't Friends with his ex but she cheated (I know this because she sent a message to him saying she's sorry she cheated so he isn't lying).

OP posts:
NextTrainGoesToBEROWRA · 15/09/2019 17:26

I think you should take a pic of the bloody top for evidence.

daisychain01 · 15/09/2019 17:41

If I left him he would probably go back to his old ways and would probably get arrested and his family would probably blame me for leaving him

I wish I could say this to you in size 50 font

Who cares what his family thinks? Who are they to you? Nobodies

Just get out. The best news is you don't have children together.

daisychain01 · 15/09/2019 17:44

None of us strangers on t'internet have anything to lose or gain, whatever you decide to do.

But for your own sake, get away from him, don't stay friends with him and move to a new circle of friends. You'll wish you did it 3 years ago, believe me, but only with the benefit of hindsight.

Soola · 15/09/2019 17:49

Why would you be worried what his family think? Are you conditioned to please and submit to every Tom, Dick and Harry?

Why would you want to be friends with him after you split up? He’s a thug. Lowlife. RAF - rough as fuck! A gormless fool who uses brawn rather than brain.

You might have to move back to your parents but you will be safe and you have the chance to meet someone nice when you’re ready and can save for a place of your own.

Say this to yourself until it sinks in -
I deserve better. I deserve better. I deserve better....

CallmeAngelina · 15/09/2019 17:50

If we split up I'd hope we would still be friends
Why on earth would you hope that? Haven't you got any better ones? Presumably you would be splitting up with him because he's violent and unpleasant and you can't be yourself around him in case he kicks off. Why do you want that for a friend?

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 17:58

I would hope we would still be friends because when he isn't angry/being violent he is a gentleman and kind.

I don't know when I'd go back to my parents house though because I'm working all week and he isn't working tomorrow but is the rest of the week.

OP posts:
Soola · 15/09/2019 18:02

I would hope we would still be friends because when he isn't angry/being violent he is a gentleman and kind.

Have you heard of Raoul Moat?

Soola · 15/09/2019 18:05

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/raoul-moat-manhunt-five-years-9579843.amp

Even a vile thug can present themselves as having a soft side when they choose.

CallmeAngelina · 15/09/2019 18:06

I don't know when I'd go back to my parents house though

It doesn't actually matter. I think we all know that you won't be leaving.
Good luck with it all.

daisychain01 · 15/09/2019 18:29

Your bar is so low you need to limbo-dance to get under it.

I know you see him from all sides and people are a mix of good bad and indifferent. You're telling us the bad stuff because that's what your thread is about, but any of his 'good' side is completely overshadowed and cancelled out by him being a thug who you can't trust. That's the truth. Simple as.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 18:31

I will leave but not sure when.

He just told me that when he was at the pub yesterday 2 people where talking about him and laughing at him and they were calling him weak so he punched them.

He said he just got so angry so he punched them.

OP posts:
sorrythisusernameisinuse · 15/09/2019 18:33

He's probably never stopped being violent but just dosent do it around you. People don't tend to change

acatcalledjohn · 15/09/2019 18:36

He just told me that when he was at the pub yesterday 2 people where talking about him and laughing at him and they were calling him weak so he punched them.

He said he just got so angry so he punched them.

He sounds paranoid.

Soola · 15/09/2019 18:50

He just told me that when he was at the pub yesterday 2 people where talking about him and laughing at him and they were calling him weak so he punched them.

In other words he can’t handle normal pub banter so gnashes his teeth and thumped them.

What an utter prick.

You have two choices -

Stay with the loser and be a loser yourself.

Leave and have the chance to meet someone who doesn’t have a pea brain and can communicate without using his fists.

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