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Original poster

Don't believe my DP

192 replies

Natenywolf · 14/09/2019 18:09

Name changed for this as don't want this thread to show on my posting history.

When me and partner first got together he was violent (never towards me though I thought I should add) and would punch people if he was annoyed/angry and he knew I didn't like it but he stopped punching people although they made him angry and annoyed.

Today he went out with his friend for a few drinks.

He came back earlier and had a small cut on his face and a cut on his lip. I asked him how it happened and he said he scratched himself.

For some reason I don't believe him.

He's now asleep (isn't used to drinking as he doesn't drink often and when he does it makes him tired).

Any advice on what I could do? Or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 15/09/2019 15:38

One punch can kill. Run for the hills.

HollowTalk · 15/09/2019 15:40

I hope this is a troll. Have you read your own posts, OP?

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 15/09/2019 15:43

I would keep an eye on the news and see if anyone has been reported as being attacked last night. You’re effectively getting rid of the evidence by washing it. He’s an absolute thug and I can’t believe you’d even be in a relationship with the likes of that.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 15:44

This isn't a troll

As I said in pp I would leave him but he would probably go back to his own ways and probably get arrested and his parents would blame me.

Or he would tell me to stay because he wasn't fighting/didn't get punched.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/09/2019 15:51

Op are you scared of him? Why do you try not to make him angry? I'd never say that about my husband, if I make him angry I make him angry. The fact you have to try indicates there is a significant issue there in terms of what happens when you do.

And if you end a relarionship who gives us shiny shit what his parents think or who they blame. You don't have to come up with wild excuses not to leave him. You can say yes he's a violent thug and I'm not leaving

And you know he's been fighting and is lying to ypu

VladmirsPoutine · 15/09/2019 15:52

As I said in pp I would leave him but he would probably go back to his own ways and probably get arrested and his parents would blame me.

But how is that your problem?!! I give up! There are scores of women that get eventually beaten up and/or killed. He's done a real number on you. I only wish you well. I always wondered why some women didn't just leave... I think this thread has been an education for me.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/09/2019 15:54

So what if his parents blame you??

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2019 15:55

Or he would tell me to stay because he wasn't fighting/didn't get punched

You do understand it's not his decision? You're an adult and you don't need his permission to end it.

But again, this is an anonymous forum, you can be honest and just say I'm not leaving him.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 15/09/2019 15:57

TBH, his parents created this piece of shit, if they blame you it's only to assuage their own guilt.

Leave him OP, and if you find any other evidence/blood, bag it and give it to the police.

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 16:00

If you leave him, he can do what he likes. He gives a shit what his family thinks? What about what YOU think?

My ex has run himself up a nice criminal record since I left him. Sometimes people update me on new court cases but NO ONE ever blames me.

Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 16:00

*WHO, not he

CallmeAngelina · 15/09/2019 16:01

His parents have raised an angry, violent thug who you tiptoe round to avoid provoking, yet they would blame YOU if you left him?

LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!!!

Or he would tell me to stay because he wasn't fighting/didn't get punched.
It's not up to him whether you stay or not though, is it? (and he WAS fighting and DID get punched!)
How much blood was there on his shirt? More than "a scratch" I bet!

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 16:02

No I'm not scared of him. I try not to make him angry because I don't want him to be angry I'd prefer him to be happy than angry.

And I haven't washed the top.

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 15/09/2019 16:02

Ok, just read the bit about the blood. Phone Women’s Aid and leave today. Don’t make any excuses.

Again, he’s not your child. It’s not up to you to monitor him, appease him, lie for him.

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2019 16:02

So he’s a violent drunk.
If he ends up in prison that’s down to HIS behaviour. Not anything you do OP. You aren’t responsible for him.
Sod what his parents think. You need to put yourself first.

Pantsomime · 15/09/2019 16:10

I think I’d have a trip to the police station to ask about his past. What happened to his GF or DW before you met him. His family are awful if they think for one minute that his behaviour is dependent on you. How about everyone taking some responsibility for themselves here

lazylinguist · 15/09/2019 16:10

Oh for goodness' sake. Your attitude to him is ridiculous. You should have left him as soon as you found out he was violent. So what if he went to anger management? Does that magically 'cure' everyone? No, so why would you risk staying with him? You make him angry, so you've adapted your behaviour? Can you not see how bad that is? You are not responsible for his behaviour. If you leave him and he ends up in prison for beating someone up, it wouldn't be your fault - he would deserve to be in prison!

Raffles1981 · 15/09/2019 16:13

I used to be married to a mentally abusive man. I made excuses for him, just as you are for your DP OP. You haven't taken any of this advice on board have you? Because you know his behaviour is wrong, you know that not hitting you is not a good thing and you know this man has issues he needs to sort out before being with anyone in a relationship. You just need to realise it.

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 16:14

Yes it was more blood than a scratch.

I know I should think of myself

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 15/09/2019 16:30

I try not to make him angry because I don't want him to be angry I'd prefer him to be happy than angry.

Spoken like a truly mentally abused woman. When the scales fall from your eyes it might be too late. Why aren't you listening to us!??

Raffles1981 · 15/09/2019 16:31

No I'm not scared of him. I try not to make him angry because I don't want him to be angry I'd prefer him to be happy than angry.

You should not have to try and keep him calm and happy. I repeat, you should not have to try. Jesus OP, you really need to wake up. I hate to be blunt but for crying out loud - this guy is a piece of shit. I used to have to walk on tiptoes around my ex husband and that is not normal.

hardyloveit · 15/09/2019 16:36

I make my dh angry sometimes - we are only human but not for a second would I be worried he would turn violent to me or anyone else!

What's the point in this thread if your not actually going to listen to any advise given??

Original poster
Natenywolf · 15/09/2019 16:37

I don't know why i stayed with him. Probably because I thought he would know how to control his anger after he had anger management.

Would the police know if he did anything to his ex if he doesn't have a criminal record?

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 15/09/2019 16:38

I used to make him angry but now I don't and try not to
Seriously? This is how you live? Tippy toeing round a thug?
You’ve no ties to him, leave and work on your self esteem, you can do far better than this loser.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2019 16:41

Op, are you sure he's not been hurting you, physically or emotionally? Because your posts do indeed read like someone who is being abused and doesn't wish to admit it.

Can you try to distance yourself and see how very odd it is to say I try to not make him angry and then account that because you don't want him to be angry but happy instead.

Do you in any way see how abnormal it is to have to try to not make your partner angry? At all?

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