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Original poster

Do I message him?

212 replies

Ouchmyheadhurts · 14/09/2019 18:07

I have noticed that My ‘one that got away’ is now single (via Facebook).... we were together S teens.... had a dalliance in our 20’s, brief contact a couple of years ago but he then started a new relationship. He’s now single... I’m so tempted to message him..... do I???

OP posts:
incognitomum · 16/09/2019 12:21

Sorry your feelings are so strong that must be so hard Flowers

keepingbees · 16/09/2019 13:13

Don't feel embarrassed, you didn't declare undying love for him it was just a friendly hello.
It doesn't sound like he's in a stable relationship so you never know. If he sees the message it will put you on his radar, you never know it might prompt him to get in touch if he finds himself single again. If nothing else at least you tried.

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 16/09/2019 15:16

I guess I’m embarrassed about the strength of my feelings for him still.

I don’t know why but I feel such a connection. One that is almost over whelming? I know it’s such a cliche, i know it’s pathetic to feel this way and I should get over him I really do. I have tried honestly!

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Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 16/09/2019 15:19

My friend (of a friend) also said god she thinks it’s weird on Facebook that loads of times the girlfriend hasn’t been a ‘friend’ of his, comes and goes. Will befriends and he is ‘in a relationship with girlf’ and then she isn’t a friend of his and his will just say ‘in a realtionship’. Weird in itself??

OP posts:
GooGoo52 · 16/09/2019 15:55

Don't be embarrassed. It's easier said than done, just to get over someone. I have a connection to someone as well. A past love. We're both married to other people now, and our timing was never right, but I still love him. I think it's good that your friend knows you're wanting to get in touch with him. It sounds like his current relationship is a bit odd. Hopefully he messages back.

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 16/09/2019 17:56

It sounds very odd. Unless the girlfriend is quite a bit younger..... it sounds abit immature almost? Strange.... I don’t regret messaging him, definitely not but I do regret the situation. Wish I knew he had seen it though....!

OP posts:
Okurrrrrrrr · 16/09/2019 18:28

I'm glad you don't regret messaging him OP, TBF you only messaged How are you? So nothing romantic or a sudden pouncing of unrequited love Smile
Plus the relationship he's in sounds very off and on, I think he will reply.

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 16/09/2019 19:49

I hope so I really do but I’m not holding my breath just now..

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 16/09/2019 20:29

I think your message was fine - just friendly and brief. And you didn't say "I have just seen you are single...."!
All is fine.
No need to be embarrassed.
I think he'll reply....

tessiegirl · 16/09/2019 20:39

I agree you shouldn't feel embarrassed.

It does sound as though their relationship is unstable...It could end again tomorrow.

I hope he replies!!

dillusionaldog · 16/09/2019 21:08

it just looks like a friendly message, dont worry. its not like you sent him a photo of your growler as an opening msg!! he will see it and reply and then maybe just keep in touch until hes single again. this way will be less pressure than if he was single and going through a breakup. Flowers

keepingbees · 16/09/2019 22:09

Your feelings aren't pathetic at all, sometimes you just gel with someone. I was the same with my now DH, I went through a lot to be with him but what kept me going was the feeling that we were meant to be together. I knew I'd marry him one day. We had some times apart, I saw other people, but he was always in my heart. Situation changed and we've been together and married for years now.
Obviously I can't say how it will turn out for you, but it's never crazy to follow your heart.

ConfCall · 16/09/2019 23:46

Your feelings aren’t pathetic. Not at all.

I’d be wary of getting caught up in the fallout of a tempestuous relationship though. Be a bit careful. You don’t want to be the one he turns to when he’s between partners or when his OH pisses him off.

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 17/09/2019 07:30

NO I definitely haven’t sent any pictures of my growler to anyone GrinGrin

Thanks for not making me feel stupid about the situation. conf you are of course correct, I certainly don’t want that happening!

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Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 28/09/2019 07:25

So he’s just messaged me back on FB..... first message is his number, the second message says ‘do you want some building work’ (he’s a builder). I left it as unread and then he called me on messenger (I didn’t know you could do that) I didn’t answer it, then another message says can’t talk on here please ask for a quote......

Wtaf?! What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 28/09/2019 07:26

Next message says ‘wake up!’

OP posts:
Moondancer73 · 28/09/2019 07:36

Oh dear, that's difficult. Maybe just message back and say you were just simply saying hello, be casual and ask how things are?

ChipInTheSugar · 28/09/2019 07:44

I think it sounds a bit suspect tbh, as if he's looking to do something on the side (sex/relationship-wise).

EleanorLavish · 28/09/2019 07:46

Don’t do anything!
You don’t have to reply or “wake up” because he says so. Just ignore it for now until you’ve had a think and calmed down. It’s half seven on a. Sat am!

EleanorLavish · 28/09/2019 07:47

Please don’t message back now, take your time. There is no need to reply right now.
Put your phone away for a bit. You’re getting stressed and there is no need.

Grobagsforever · 28/09/2019 07:49

Wake up?? Is he a psycho??

rosedream · 28/09/2019 07:54

To me 'wake up' may show that he is really wants a chat.
Do you want a quote may be a line because he doesn't know how to start the conversation.

I would reply. I'd say something like 'just wanted to check in to see how you're doing. I hope you are well.'

Then leave it at that. Thats not flirting. I think it's odd to have made contact then ignored the reply.

sparklefarts · 28/09/2019 07:57

We soundsnto me like he wants a bit on the side and that his gf can read his FB chats

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 28/09/2019 08:05

Might be the gf??

JellyMouldJnr · 28/09/2019 08:38

Exactly what sparklefarts said