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Original poster

Do I message him?

212 replies

Ouchmyheadhurts · 14/09/2019 18:07

I have noticed that My ‘one that got away’ is now single (via Facebook).... we were together S teens.... had a dalliance in our 20’s, brief contact a couple of years ago but he then started a new relationship. He’s now single... I’m so tempted to message him..... do I???

OP posts:
OhBigHairyBollocks · 15/09/2019 09:05

Don't give up hope yet! Friend request him! Maybe he just doesn't use fb very much!

keepingbees · 15/09/2019 09:07

It's not pathetic at all op. Better to try than live with what ifs. Maybe he just doesn't use Facebook much

Lorddenning1 · 15/09/2019 09:30

I would also send him a friend request, put yourself on his radar :) good luck OP.
I know it's not the same situation but I had a FWB with someone and got the feels, he didn't want a girlfriend, normally I would of walked away, but something told me to bear with it as I had a really good connection with him and stupidly believed he was the one, fast forward to now and we are very much in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with him :)

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Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 15/09/2019 09:39

Oh god all these amazing stories are what Iv dreamed of since I was 17... it’s going to be real shit if he just ignores me Sad

OP posts:
Lorddenning1 · 15/09/2019 09:53

Like you said, what will be, will be. If it's meant to happen it will. You have made the first move and contacted him. Send him a friend request and then that's all you can do.
Rejection is never a nice feeling, but it is what it is, hopefully he will accept and respond to your message x

InTheTempest · 15/09/2019 09:53

Lorddenning that's what I need to happen in my life right now. I don't know what he is, not fwb, not my bf. Started in feb, ended March, then out of the blue he got back in touch in July. Seeing him fairly infrequently since then but we message every day without fail. I've had feelings for him since March but I don't think he wants more. He's 22, I'm 31. We don't live close although not the kind of distance that makes it impossible. I wish that could happen for me.

Sorry OP just musing over that situation! 😂

Casander · 15/09/2019 10:04

Got my fingers crossed for you OP!

I've just posted about this on another thread but me and DH went to high school together, I've known him since we were about 14, but he was really popular and I definitely wasn't so he didn't know I existedBlush
We got talking on social media when we were about 20 but nothing ever came of it and we both ended up marrying and divorcing other people, nearly 10 years later we both found ourselves single and in the end I literally said "are you going to take me for a drink or what"Grin
We've been together ever since and are now having a DD in a few weeks!

I hope you get a message back!

Lorddenning1 · 15/09/2019 10:04

@InTheTempest I would never imagine how mine turned out, I fully expected it to not turn out well for me, these things never happen to me, I'm not ashamed to admit this but I did play a few games, i kind of didn't make myself available all the time, I said I was busy, even tho I was sat at home with my pjs on, I made a point of not messaging him all the time etc, I played it aloof and tried to make it fun :) deep inside I couldn't get him out of my head and thought maybe I can't do this FWB anymore. Turns out he was scared of getting hurt and would rather walk away from it, rather than admit how he felt, in the end I
Kind of said to him, it's been fun and I'm ready to date other people who want the same as me, it was a wake up call that he needed and it pushed him to realise he didn't want to lose me, so we then decided to carry on as we were but to not rule us out as a couple in time, so no pressure was added, it didn't take him long to tell me he loved me and we are now a couple planning our future together. We still laugh at how we got together and he says it's the best thing that ever happened to him :) not trying to rub it in, just letting u know I was were u are now :)

InTheTempest · 15/09/2019 10:15

Lorddenning that's a lovely story. I wish I could do the aloof thing. I'm too nice to him 😂 I can't see why he'd be into me in any way, he is gorgeous and 22. I'm 31 and a single mum. Average imo. The sex is amazing and we get on well.

Last time I saw him he was saying as soon as it's a 'relationship' he just argues and it all goes to shit and I was thinking to myself that's because he's been with the wrong people. He said he doesn't want labels on things. I think he just wants to have his cake and eat it- with different people as well. I'm making him sound bad but he isn't- he's honest with me. He is really lovely in so many ways and I'm happy being around him. I wish it could develop. I've typed out so many messages saying I can't do it any more cos I want more and have feelings but can never bring myself to send them. And so it goes on... until eventually at some point I'm going to get hurt I know it.

Boobindoop · 15/09/2019 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lorddenning1 · 15/09/2019 11:26

@InTheTempest I wouldn't be putting yourself down, you sound lovely, I was also a single mum and that does not bother him too, if I did then I would of ended things.
Do you want me to be truthful based on what you have said, it does sound like he wants his cake and to eat it too, also age to me does not matter, I'm 3 years older than my guy, that being said, your guy is 22 and not sure what his relationship past has been like, he may just want some fun for now and not ready to settle down, and that's not a reflection on you, it sounds like you are both at different points in ur life. It's good he has been honest with you and if ur happy to accept it for what it is and carry on then go for it.
It does sound like you want more and I'm a true believer u both have to be on the same page and want the same things. There is a guy out there that's perfect for u and will worship you and love you and will want to put a label on things.
Don't sell yourself short :) you deserve more :)

InTheTempest · 15/09/2019 11:41

Lorddenning everything in your post is exactly what I think of the situation tbh 😂 and how I judge it to be really.

I think he does just want some fun atm and isn't ready to settle down but it's not like I'm looking for something that's going to get dead serious really fast. Just to spend time together, do stuff and have a laugh. Not just sex.

I do think he likes me, he got back in touch with me after months after all. On one occasion I was annoyed about something and I said to him, not being arsey but because I genuinely wanted to know, why did he get back in touch with me. And he said it was because he liked me and we always had a great time, but he said he was selfish to do so cos he knew he couldn't give me anything serious and it was unfair in me. Since then we've drifted back to lots of messaging, meeting up mainly for sex. Last time he said I'm one of the nicest people he's met, and I'm not like other girls, I'm chilled out with him. And made the comment about putting a label on it. So sometimes I wonder if things have shifted a little... He says it last the best sex he's had so I keep thinking I need to make it mind blowing so he doesn't want to give it up 😂

I think for me I'd have the what ifs? if I stopped it now but I do have a feeling of resignation about it. So I'm letting it run its course I suppose

rodentforce · 15/09/2019 11:52

My sister and her now-partner were at school together. He always fancied her but she was always with someone else. 4 years ago he messaged her on Facebook. They soon went for a drink and have been together ever since. They bought a house together last year 😊

I would just wait if I were you - since you've already messaged him, he might feel bombarded if he gets a friend request too. You don't know what's going on with his break-up, and if it's complicated, best not to be involved. You've opened the door - let him take the next step. I know that's really frustrating when you're constantly checking your messages for a reply, but I really think that's the best way to go!

LuciferTheCat · 15/09/2019 12:01

don’t overthink it OP. He might have been out all night and isn’t up yet.

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 15/09/2019 12:02

Yeah I haven’t friend requested him. Feels too much too quick. Ironically!

OP posts:
KronksSpinachPuffs · 15/09/2019 12:08

Aww I'm excited for you OP!

Scrumptiousbears · 15/09/2019 12:09

How exciting. Hate the wait though.

InTheTempest · 15/09/2019 12:11

I really hope you get a lovely reply OP 🤞🙂

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 15/09/2019 12:12

Oh god me too. I’m going to try to assume he won’t reply for at least a week Grin and try to get on with this week and then console myself next weekend!

OP posts:
MrsCplus · 15/09/2019 12:38

Aww how romantic , I hope he replies to you 😍

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 15/09/2019 12:44

Ohhhh place marking!!

He might be a bit sore from the break up to reply at the moment?

But you're right he probably has read the message because it pops up on the phone doesn't it? Since it was short he will have read itZ

incognitomum · 15/09/2019 12:53

When did it say he'd become single? If you messaged straight away he might find you a bit stalkerish?

Original poster
Ouchmyheadhurts · 15/09/2019 12:58

I’m not 100% but I think it’s still quite recent..... I don’t know when it changed.

Oh god I hope he doesn’t think I’m a weird stalker!! I haven’t been on his page daily or anything!!!!!

OP posts:
incognitomum · 15/09/2019 13:00

That's ok just might seem weird if they finished and the next day he heard from you Grin

No point worrying. Just wait.

MonderMomen77 · 15/09/2019 17:03

Good luck. I'm nervous for you xx