anyone awake? Please chat with me for an hour

[WLmum]

Hello, is anyone awake and willing to chat with me about anything at all.
I'm waiting for daybreak, and then for school drop off time, so I can go and be with my truly amazing, so loved dm while she passes away. I am heartbroken. Been awake most of the night wondering if she's going to hold on long enough for me to with her.

Anyone else up? Tell me what you're up for and help me pass the time. Please.

You sound like such a lovely family.......with mum till the end!!!
Just wanted to say how sorry i am for you all and that we are still here thinking of you all xxx

WLmum, haven't been on Mumsnet all day as we've been waking my DMIL, but was thinking of you at times during the day, as, although I don't know you, I felt a connection with you as we're on the same road. I'm so very glad your mum is at peace now, and I hope you'll take comfort from the fact that you gave her the best possible love and care in her final days and hours. May she Rest In Peace.

God bless you and the family. Your lovely Mum lives in your heart now, with you always, loving you and guiding you through life. Just listen for a minute; you know what she'd be telling you. Be gentle with yourself. Don't hold back the tears. Healing comes with time. We don't see our special people anymore but they never truly leave us. Love doesn't end because they are out of sight

OP

It has been privilege to a tiny fly on the wall of your family, there is so much love there.I occasionally have a mental image of a funeral courtage (I like quite near a cemetery) with a little girl dressed as a sheep and it makes me smile.

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm in awe of your family.

WLmum I'm really sorry to hear this. You seem like a lovely family who were good to one another. It's not easy to overcome a bad start and your Mum clearly built a wonderful life. That's really inspirational. Take care of yourselves. X

I'm so sorry @WLmum

Sending you much love and thoughts for you over the next difficult period.

It's a very 'unreal' time - I felt I was looking in at myself doing all the necessary tasks but without any feeling that it was really my dad.

Take care of yourself 💐💐💐

Yes 2018 cleaning her house is going to be so hard. Over the last weeks I have looked at things in her house and thought 'well what are we going to do with that?' At the moment id like to keep her house exactly the same and go and sit on her sofa and cry. She had cleared a lot of things out, knowing she would die soon (made me so upset when she used to say / do things like that) but still lots there, furniture, photo's, personal stuff, kitchen etc. I can't imagine it empty.

WLmum when my Mum passed we had to sort out her house and realised she's kept so much stuff, every letter card she'd ever received. We packed everything and stored it as we where far too emotional to make rational decisions. About a year later we where able to go through the stuff and decide what we wanted to keep. Don't be rushed into making those kind of decisions right now.

@WLmum, may she rest in peace. Your mum died surrounded by love. That's the most important thing in the whole world. I hope it brings you comfort in your difficult days ahead. Your DCs decorating her coffin sounds so personal and lovely.

@WLmum My DGM sadly passed away in May and it's only been in the past 2 weeks that my DM and DA have had the strength to start going through her things and sorting the house out. It's been a comfort up till now to know that everything was still there, as it was.

If there is no immediate rush to get thing moving (need to sell, etc.) then I would recommend you give yourself some time before making a start. In the throws of immediate grief it's easy to make rash decisions which you may later regret.

Take each day as it comes, one at a time 💐 x

for you OP.

RIP your lovely mum.

so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the knowledge you did a beautiful thing and loved her so much comforted her and will now comfort you. It's all you can do for a person and you have been amazing

No rules now about how to be/ feel/act. Your children will give you comfort I'm sure. Please be kind to yourself xx

@WLmum I was in your position 2 years ago with my lovely mum your love for her shines through your posts xx

It won't seem like it at the moment but it was an absolute privilege to be there for my mum when she passed and as time has gone on I can now think of her without being quite so bereft.

Early days for you - I'd nursed my mum for so long there was a huge gap in my life and wondered who I could talk to about my grief if not my mum!

As others have said - no rules on grief - how to feel, how to act, just do what is best for you my love xx

WLmum, you're in my thoughts

I’m so sorry for your loss OP

Thinking of you and your family op.

I’m 10 months from losing my really lovely old ma who I was extremely close to. Miss her all the time - don’t fully understand she’s gone yet maybe I never will - have a cry every now and then - had a bad few weeks a little while ago BUT I promise you it does become easier to live with and you will get through.

Thank you for your continued comfort.

I’m bereft. There’s 100 things already I would have told her, pictures I would have sent her. The dinner I made tonight, I would have taken her a portion. She’s everywhere and nowhere 😢

Am going to the natural burial ground tomorrow to pick a plot. We're going as a family so will support each other as best we can.

I'm so sorry to those who have been through this loss (apologies - phone makes it hard to name check). Although we know it's true, it's hard to believe others have felt as we do now. Tight hand holds for you all.

I found/find it helpful every now and then to talk out loud to her when I have that reflex to phone her or let her know something.
Good luck tomorrow - it sounds really lovely and it is an honour to do what someone you love wanted to be done for them.

Am sure you'll pick a lovely peaceful spot for you Mum's final resting place.
I often talk out loud to my dad too usually when I'm in the car on my own.

I still cry too when a memory or a moment takes me there.

It'll bring all sorts of questions to you. I had bereavement counselling which helped to some extent.
Am thinking of you

I’m so sorry, my lovely. But in times to come, you will be comforted by knowing you were with her right to the end x

Picked the spot. There were tears and a few smiles. It's a lovely place, just 10 years too soon.
A friend came over this afternoon and cried more than I did.
I had some lovely messages from a couple of her friends. She was so loved, we are worrying about numbers for the funeral and wake.

That’s a big and lovely step you’ve taken today op. Organising the funeral and wake will be big job But one that’s an honour to sort out in your mum’s memory. I found my ma’s funeral and memorial service a ‘joy’ to sort out ‘for her’ and her friends/family. Around 200 were at her memorial which turned out to be a really lovely gathering.
Afterwards I kind of crashed for a week or so.

There is so much to do for you right now. Be gentle with yourself and ask for help when needed. In days you feel up to paperwork and ‘stuff’ do what you can as there may well be days on end(weeks) when you just can’t face any of it.

I am sorry you’re going through this and also to read it feels ‘10 years too early’. My ma died at a good old age and at the right time for her and support to all who have lost loved ones earlier than expected. Tough on top of tough but you will get through.

How are you doing op? I followed your post. I lost my wonderful mum two years ago and it was and still is heart breaking. Hope you are ok even though that is a silly thing to say....

This is the saddest and most beautiful thread I've read. Brought back memories of my mum. Gone but never forgotten. Love to you and your family,OP xx