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Original poster

I am way too old for show and fucking tell!

190 replies

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 07/09/2019 15:50

So, having started a new job last month, I have to go to the regional offices next week, for a two day induction.
Apparently I have to "bring along a personal item that is important to me, to share with the group" REALLY?
What should I take? Bottle of gin? Tena Lady? My knitting? Will I have to do a "presentation" type thing do you think?

OP posts:
Blahblahblahnanana · 07/09/2019 16:18

I would have to take my dog, a 15 year old Labrador. He would probably fart and drool everywhere hahahahaha! 😂😂😂😂

Or if you’ve got a baby in the family you could take them! 😂😂

Kit30 · 07/09/2019 16:18

Love that Blah! Mines a toss up between a fencing sword or my shotgun...

user1494055864 · 07/09/2019 16:19

Take a pick axe with you, and tell them it's a good ice breaker.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 07/09/2019 16:19

Your gun

maras2 · 07/09/2019 16:20

I love being retired.
No more memos requesting 'wearing loose clothing' for a 'meet new employees' day, hinting at some sort of hands on bastard role play Angry
Must admit though, I was never asked to participate in this fresh hell that is adult 'show and tell' < need to lie in foetal position just thinking about it >
Good luck. Smile

OhioOhioOhio · 07/09/2019 16:21

Yes. Photo of your Grandma. Or inspirational quote you have by your front door. Or your favourite walking boots because you walk to refresh yourself for the coming week...

Crunched · 07/09/2019 16:26

I think the Tena Lady is a good idea. Seriously I would prefer this to the “Tell us something no one would guess about you” that I got with no advance warning. All sorts of unseemly things came to mind Blush

ScreamingBeans · 07/09/2019 16:26

Love the pick axe suggestion. Think you might not pass the probation though. Grin

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 07/09/2019 16:29

Your comfiest pair of knickers.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 07/09/2019 16:29

I'd take an old carrier bag and then play this as the presentation Wink

Bitchfeatures · 07/09/2019 16:32

I hate these types of things, are they gonna have you sit in a circle on the floor and give you each a milk carton and a biscuit too?
I'd be tempted to take something really inappropriate, like a butt plug, a bag of weed or a pair of handcuffs and some rope, that will get them talking, but really just take something generic like a photo of your kids/pet/family.
Everyone will be feeling the same I bet!

Soola · 07/09/2019 16:35

Many years ago at one of these a woman brought in photo’s of her Budgie.

She went in and on extolling the virtues of her Budgie and the exceptionally close relationship she had with it.

Quite a few of us were unable to look at each other for fear of laughing!

mumwon · 07/09/2019 16:36

tea pot (repeat after me "I am not addicted to tea, I am not addicted to tea…)

Bowerbird5 · 07/09/2019 16:38

Take a cake tin tell them about all the lovely cakes you've made get them drooling then open it and share a cake. If you are good at making cakes you will be popular, if not get someone else to make one for you. Take something unusual like Hummingbird Cake or not unusual Lemon Drizzle because I haven't met anyone that doesn't like it.

What a ridiculous thing to do we only do that in Reception and Yr1 at school!

Good luck.

Atlasta · 07/09/2019 16:39

Take along your whole family Grin

MarigoldGlove · 07/09/2019 16:40

A wad of cash?
Your lover?

I'd take some 'homemade' biscuits or pasta or an apple pie (from Morrisons) and tell them that making this pasta was something you'd always wanted to be able to do and you struggle with it for years until eventually it was perfect. And now, every time you bake that pie to nourish the people you love you feel fulfilled as even though you failed so many times, you got there in the end.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 07/09/2019 16:40

Plan A "I don't really attach any value or importance to material possessions"
Plan B take a balaclava and a pair of wirecutters (also good Secret Santa gifts) and say they were given you by your mum

perplexedagain · 07/09/2019 16:41

Earplugs??

Piffpaffpoff · 07/09/2019 16:44

I would like to take my birth certificate and say it’s important to me as it shows I left infant school and therefore the need to do show and tell x years ago.

But, in reality I’d probably take something to do with a really random hobby that hopefully no-one else in the group does so I don’t have to talk to anyone about it and just be able get on with my work.

womaninthedark · 07/09/2019 16:44

Tell them about your visit to a sweet factory and hand round samples.

CameraTime · 07/09/2019 16:44

Take a range of things and pick whichever is most appropriate. Trust me on this. You don't want to be waving round a key ring that your DH made for you when he took a pottery class, and then discover that everyone else has brought "the results from the TSB test run" and "the sign off agreement for the Channel Tunnel project" because they forgot to tell you it's meant to be work-related.

Likewise if they all whip out their favourite teddies and you produce your GCSE certificate or something.

I suggest having something like the following options to hand (with a paragraph in mind that you can waffle about):

. Something small handmade by a child/partner/friend
. A good book
. A pen/phone/notebook- say something about being able to record ideas, inspiration, blah blah blah. If it all goes mega-serious you can claim the pen was the one you took to the very first project meeting you went to, and you keep it to remind you how much you've learned since then/ how you're still the same person you were then and sometimes need to get back to basics / something else vaguely appropriate.

All small, all things you could legitimately have in your bag at any time.

Or bring your knitting and at least you'll have something to do...

Or a bottle of gin and at least you'll have something to drink...

I mean, obviously you're right to say you're way too old for all this crap, but short of faking your own death, you're going to have to take part.

ChicCroissant · 07/09/2019 16:45

London Marathon finishers medal. Borrow one if you have to. You won't have to talk much as people will want to wear it themselves and do a lap of the room.

Or see the 'box' section of Would I Lie To You for more inspiration.

Good luck with the day, OP - you'll have to update us!

womaninthedark · 07/09/2019 16:46

Or, you could tell them about the nipple pasties on display recently in a charity shop in Otley, and show them how best to deploy them...

EskewedBeef · 07/09/2019 16:46

I had to endure a team building day last week. I lied about my best memory and what I'd taken away from the day (it should have been 'the day I bunked off school with my best friend', and 'nothing').

My important personal item is my watch. Easy, but incredibly dull and I could just imagine the face of the excitable training deliverer waiting for me to add a punchline Grin

titchy · 07/09/2019 16:46

A book called 'Training 101 - ice breakers for adults'?