Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

One week into reception term and i'm about to fall out with another school mum

407 replies

DoggerDidIt · 07/09/2019 09:40

I'm posting on here so I don't reply to her message Angry

We have a class whatsapp group set up by one of the mums. All very polite and nice since it's only been going a week.

Someone commented on the parking in the morning and I said it wouldn't affect me from now on as DD will be going to breakfast club with her sister in the mornings. Another mum then replied with 'whats breakfast club'. I replied assuming she wanted the details for her DC.

Instead she comes back with 'oh my gosh, thats difficult for your DD, I couldn't cope with having to leave DC on their own at that time of the morning poor thing'. At this point I kind of thought WTF and just replied saying 'well I need to get to work so she doesn't really have a choice haha, I'm sure she will be fine, her sister will be with her'. She then comes back with a fucking essay about how difficult she would find it having to leave her DC for that long and with strangers Hmm and won't DD miss out on going into class with all her friends and very head tilty poor DD comments.

I'm sitting on my hands to not reply well you have that fucking luxury because your husband works and you don't fucking need to leave your DC to go to work you utter knob.

I feel like i am having to defend being a single mum and needing to use fucking childcare!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 07:50

“Oh god I am dreading my DS joining school next year for this reason.“
Don’t. The other parents are just people like you. Some nice, sine not. Make friends with the nice ones. Ignore the not nice ones. It only becomes drama if you join in.

Parker231 · 09/09/2019 07:50

@Defeated10 - it’s much easier if you use breakfast and after school clubs as you don’t need to do any playground time so avoid these dramas. When mine started school there weren’t any Facebook or WhatsAp groups to avoid. DT’s made friends with their classmates and occasionally you’d find out which DC’s belonged to which parents.

Emmas1985 · 09/09/2019 08:03

Just put good job you don’t have to leave your child then isn’t it. Bit different but when my son was in reception he couldn’t talk properly and only I could really understand him, and one day a mom text me to tell me he was picking on her son, apparently he told him he would put him in the bin, almost gave the kid a medal for understanding what he’d said lol! obviously mortified I called the school and his teacher said actually it's her child, he doesn’t leave him alone so if your son retaliates it’s because the other kid is in his face all the time. From then on my number stayed on a serious need to know basis and I barely have anything to to with most the moms unless I know them

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
moonpiggle · 09/09/2019 08:14

@Yahbasic Good one 😂 think il pinch that!

CmdrCressidaDuck · 09/09/2019 08:44

Yeah, avoiding speaking to ANY parent like the plague lest they infect you with their PETTY BITCHINESS is at least as mad as starting WhatsApp drama about breakfast club. You don't have to see the school gates as a social opportunity, but you're a parent, and presumably you think you're alright to talk to, so isn't it just possible some of the other parents are nice people it might be helpful to know?

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 08:46

It’s all “Everyone’s out of step but our Jack” isn’t it?

MyOtherProfile · 09/09/2019 09:03

Don’t. The other parents are just people like you. Some nice, sine not. Make friends with the nice ones. Ignore the not nice ones. It only becomes drama if you join in.

Wise words.

MadameButterface · 09/09/2019 09:42

“I would go to the thing in the pub. You will meet others there who will all probably think she’s a twat and they will become mates and allies with things like projects and drop offs etc.

Whilst I was there I’d loudly say something like ‘(laughing) I have to thank you for saying what you did about dd going to breakfast club, I was a bit worried it might be me who makes a complete twat of myself first and will be remembered forever for it. Don’t worry no one is judging you (then cackle hysterically and turn and talk to someone normal).’”

Hahahaha u go girl what amazing advice lolllllll

Do EXACTLY THIS if you want to look like a messy bitch who lives for drama and holds insane grudges over completely petty things yeah hahaha don’t forget the dramatic update where the whole pub claps lolllll

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 09:46

Yes. The so called drama is created by those who respond to idiots, not the idiots themselves.

MadameButterface · 09/09/2019 09:48

...and next time a message appears in the whatsapp that’s not relevant to you or you don’t know the answer to, just don’t respond? I’m a working single mum myself, in a job where I can hear my phone going (in case of emergency) but can’t always look at it straight away, and nothing riles me like when it’s pinging away with 5 million whatsapps that say completely unnecessary bollocks like ‘dunno lol’ or whatever when i’m in the middle of putting a full head of foils on

Ash39 · 09/09/2019 10:04

Just went to check on this thread and it appears to have escalated...
wtf? "
Just avoid the sahm as they wont understand"!!!?

"I'm
Dreading my child starting school for this reason? How do you avoid the WhatsApp groups?"

I think we need to put all this into perspective a bit?

The thread is about one cf individual.

The reality is when you child starts school and is one of many classmates, inevitably parents will want to support each other and finds ways of communicating. Regardless of other parent's backgrounds, working situations etc there will be an opportunity for parents to make new friends and offer support to each other.
The WhatsApp groups can be a bit much. Just mute them, so you aren't getting constant pinging when you are doing a full set of foils..

but don't underestimate them as they are a great source of help and info as well.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 09/09/2019 10:10

Don't respond. You will just ramp it up. Most people probably read it with 🙄. People say silly things sometimes especially when they are talking about stuff out of their lane.

blahblahblahblahhh · 09/09/2019 10:11

My kids were in nursery from 7:30am from the age of 8 months - so breakfast club is no different!
What a twat! Ignore her - you're doing what you need to do and your kids will be grateful for everything you do for them.

staydazzling · 09/09/2019 10:18

i would just say well its not ideal but i have to go to work, i reckon short and concise will make her feel foolish.

notbloodylikely · 09/09/2019 10:19

Bertrand, exactly. It's like any other situation where you meet and interact with other people, some you'll get on with, others you don't and unlike work, you don't have to spend any time at all with the ones you don't get on with. No need to overthink it.

Some school parents have become good friends of mine, others I'll chat to occasionally, others I don't know very well, some I avoid because I don't want to get dragged in to their school-related dramas. For me the worst ones are these parents who do nothing but moan about the school and are always fummin' about something or other on FB.

I would definitely want to avoid school WhatsApp groups though! Luckily my kids are older and they weren't a thing at their schools. I am on the FB pages (not message groups) for kids' year groups but they are very practical dull .

springydaff · 09/09/2019 10:28

She sounds like a queen bee type.

Watch out. You have to find ways to specifically block ppl like her bcs they are relentless and never give up.

What larks Confused

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 10:32

“You have to find ways to specifically block ppl like her bcs they are relentless and never give up.“
No you don’t. Let them do the organising if it makes them happy. Go to the things you want to go to and not to the others. Make some friends, form a network, help people, accept help from people. Know who your children’s friend’s parents are so you feel happy letting them go for sleepovers -or know you definitely won’t. Don’t make drama and you won’t have any.

Imagineallthesheeple · 09/09/2019 11:07

I wouldn't join a group chat on any platform, somehow parents managed the school run/life perfectly well without it. A simple everyone's entitled to an opinion but I tend to mind my business, should work well in situations like this.

Ginfordinner · 09/09/2019 11:14

Sensible post BertrandRussell

Pigflewpast · 09/09/2019 11:20

This thread makes me sad. Having been both a sahm and a working mother at various different times during dcs schooling the judgement on here is awful. The thought that other parents would have actively avoided me in the playground because the right thing for our family at that point was for me to be at home, or that I would be in a sahm clique and be nasty to working mothers, is just horrible.

I said upthread that I am still friends with a lot of dc1 classmates parents, despite dcs now being 22. Some were sahm, some worked full time, most like me have done both as and when each suited their families.

This labelling and judging by other parents is ridiculous, and the cause of most of the dramas.

Just take each person you meet as you find them. Some you’ll love, some you’ll like in small doses, some you’ll realise you’ve nothing in common with but nothing against, and some you’ll dislike. But deciding which of those it will be because they work or don’t work at the time you meet them is just mad.

Pigflewpast · 09/09/2019 11:31

My last post wasn’t aimed at you, OP, but at pps saying avoid sahm etc

springydaff · 09/09/2019 11:36

I think we're on the same page Bertrand.

I meant she's never going away and to specifically find ways to deal with her enduring overbearing presence.

Be prepared: she will probably have a following too... Confused

MadameButterface · 09/09/2019 11:45

I don’t think you are springydaffs, sorry

You (and op, and a lot of pp on this thread) sound like you’re almost gleefully expecting further deliberate awfulness and drama from this woman. You’ve already pigeonholed her as some smug yummy mummy playground queen bee stereotype. Yes her going on and on about breakfast club initially could be read that way but did you consider that maybe, with it being the first week of reception, she could be anxious about being separated from her child for what might be the first time for her, (or it could be that her child is anxious) and that that sort of thing can make people a bit self absorbed and prone to whittling on a bit ? Or that she might just be a bit tactless and socially unaware?

Not everyone you encounter in life is a cliche from a shit chick lit book you know. People tend to be rather more complicated than that. If you see drama, cliques and fallings out everywhere then that is what you will attract into your life. I tend to assume most people are complex humans struggling to do their best in a sea of problems that i know absolutely nothing about.

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 11:57

“I meant she's never going away and to specifically find ways to deal with her enduring overbearing presence”

Easy. Ignore. Don’t engage. Talk to people you like. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 12:03

I think this thread has finally taught me about this “school hate” dram that I have never come across in pushing 20 years as a school parent/picker upper. One person says something a bit unkind or daft. Everyone else leaps on it like dogs one a bone and won’t let it go! And next time they meet, someone says something bitchy but oh so witty to/about her. And Bob’s your car crash.