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Original poster

One week into reception term and i'm about to fall out with another school mum

407 replies

DoggerDidIt · 07/09/2019 09:40

I'm posting on here so I don't reply to her message Angry

We have a class whatsapp group set up by one of the mums. All very polite and nice since it's only been going a week.

Someone commented on the parking in the morning and I said it wouldn't affect me from now on as DD will be going to breakfast club with her sister in the mornings. Another mum then replied with 'whats breakfast club'. I replied assuming she wanted the details for her DC.

Instead she comes back with 'oh my gosh, thats difficult for your DD, I couldn't cope with having to leave DC on their own at that time of the morning poor thing'. At this point I kind of thought WTF and just replied saying 'well I need to get to work so she doesn't really have a choice haha, I'm sure she will be fine, her sister will be with her'. She then comes back with a fucking essay about how difficult she would find it having to leave her DC for that long and with strangers Hmm and won't DD miss out on going into class with all her friends and very head tilty poor DD comments.

I'm sitting on my hands to not reply well you have that fucking luxury because your husband works and you don't fucking need to leave your DC to go to work you utter knob.

I feel like i am having to defend being a single mum and needing to use fucking childcare!

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 08/09/2019 19:31

I would go to the thing in the pub. You will meet others there who will all probably think she’s a twat and they will become mates and allies with things like projects and drop offs etc.

Whilst I was there I’d loudly say something like ‘(laughing) I have to thank you for saying what you did about dd going to breakfast club, I was a bit worried it might be me who makes a complete twat of myself first and will be remembered forever for it. Don’t worry no one is judging you (then cackle hysterically and turn and talk to someone normal).’

tedladybird · 08/09/2019 19:36

I think there's one in every class unfortunately OP! Just keep your distance and don't let her stop you going to social events/being part of the WhatsApp group or whatever. I can guarantee everyone else already thinks she's a bit of a twat.

Quartz2208 · 08/09/2019 19:39

You are getting far to involved and over thinkinh- the initial message certainly didnt need a well it doesnt involve me because I am at breakfast club was completely unnecessary

Then with the pub go or dont go. I am a class rep who has organised nights out it really doesnt bother me who turns up or not. They are there for those who would like to make friends and for those who dont I take no offence

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manicmij · 08/09/2019 19:41

Wouldn't reply. Hopefully others in the group will respond with appropriate comments. Not everyone goes in for breakfast/ after school clubs but they sure as hell understand why others use them.

sophe · 08/09/2019 19:45

Just thank her for offering her support.

mathanxiety · 08/09/2019 19:53

If it was me I would be very tempted to send my apologies for the pub quiz 'Because family time is so precious...'

Don't worry about this woman. She will get the sharp corners knocked off the more she knocks around with others.
Loving MrsKoala's comments... Grin

Don't let her remarks get to you. Your DDs will enjoy the Breakfast Club and you will have peace of mind as you head to work. You are doing what is best for your family.

Letsnotusemyname · 08/09/2019 19:57

My boss at work used to get wound up by his younger and betters.

SMT would come up with daft and unworkable initiatives.

He’d write an email stating why the proposal was crap. Typing hard enough to force the keys right into the keyboard.

He ask my advice and we’d modify it together.

My final advice was always - but don’t send it. He didn’t. It became a joke between us.

Others condemned the proposals or they failed from day 1.

Write your reply, get it out of your system - but don’t send it. She’ll be seen for what she is and you keep your dignity.

mizzmelli · 08/09/2019 20:03

Years ago my DD age 7 at school. DD2 about 8 month. Me with a preg bump. Random woman came up and said Its my husband payinf for you and your brats. we are tax payers you benefit scrounger!! My partner had a full time job and we had NEVER claimed any benefits. (No thread about benefits intendid). She was fucking crazy!

vanillaicedtea · 08/09/2019 20:21

Ew, what a dick. My DD isn't at school yet but things like this is why my own mum made a point of being friendly to the other parents but not getting pally-pally. Always ends in tears.

I'm not saying that's what you were doing, btw! She'll just be the one who's best friends with one mum one week and their enemy the next. Try to just stay out of her way and keep chat very minimal. You have absolutely no need to feel bad and as other PP have said, she's clearly projecting her own issues onto you.

I'd probably just ignore her comments now/in the future tbh (haven't read the whole thread so not sure if you did reply or not or what was said). She'll wonder after a while why you didn't reply to her and all the other mums will think she's a melter. There's no point arguing with stupid Smile

rededucator · 08/09/2019 20:24

You're doing a great job. Kids love breakfast club as a chance to catch up with their friends and they will leave breakfast club, go to playground and enter class exactly the same way as the other kids. All the other parents on the group chat will see that other mum as a sanctimonious arse. You are doing g a wonderful job and make excellent decisions for you and your family.

rededucator · 08/09/2019 20:27

I've just seen your update. Go to the drinks night, just because she organised it don't stay away. It could be a fantastic chance to meet other mums and develop a support network. My cousin moved to the area when her child started school so had no nursery friends, she was going to avoid the mums drink night but is now delighted she made the effort. Go, with your head high x

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2019 20:28

"I got a message from another mum saying 'ffs what is her problem?" "
And all the others were thinking it ...

rededucator · 08/09/2019 20:30

And if she comments on how you managed to make a night out when you're a single mum, loadly say you just inked them down in front of Netflix, gave them iPads with no parental control and left them a few potnoodle so you're sure they'll be fine and then dramatically eye roll as the rest of the table. She's only embarrassing herself x

MildDrPepperAddiction · 08/09/2019 20:33

To be honest she sounds like a woman who thinks all single women are after her dh. I agree that's why she's arranged the quiz, she sussing you (and everyone) out.

Carpetburns · 08/09/2019 20:34

Read Big Little Lies. Let it go. She's entitled to her opinion and you disagree. It isn't worth addressing and the other mums on the group will think she's a nob.

willdoitinaminute · 08/09/2019 20:47

I’m a HCP and was given the best advice from another Doctor mum to make use of the after school club thereby avoiding having to give health advice to CF at the school gate. We had our own special school gate pick time. Very cliquey but necessary to avoid being rude to the health anxiety mums!
DS loved before and after school clubs, he mixed well with older and younger children and he would regularly ask me not to pick him up too early. The same group of children would also go to holiday club and loved it. He now has a similar ‘gang ‘ of friends on the school bus. It has given him a great deal of confidence longterm.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 08/09/2019 20:48

Well. That escalated fast. Congratulations on having been able to identify That Parent in probably the shortest timescale ever!

I was invited to one of these 'getting to know you' evenings at the beginning of Reception year. As it happens, I couldn't go. But you're picking up and dropping off your children; what more do you need to 'know'? It's not marred my [extremely superficial, but pleasant and friendly] relationship with fellow-parents in the least. I'll chat to anyone in the playground, enjoy seeing other parents at the kids' parties, and we have a Whatsapp group (new Year 1: for tracking down lost items, issues arising with parties, organising collections for teachers. That's about it). Never done a night out, or socialized in groups. I simply don't have time. If there's no opportunity for politics to arise and things are pleasant but at a relative distance, there's less opportunity for it all to go sour.

As regards Twatty Parent: there's probably nothing more frustrating to those people than singling someone out for a bit of playground bullying and then realizing that not only are they too busy to care, but in all likelihood haven't even noticed. That's the way I would play it. Take every barbed comment as a compliment, thank her nicely, and move on.

Going going really bloody quickly, this one, didn't she?

Evilmorty · 08/09/2019 20:55

No one else responded because they’ve already made the wise choice of muting the group.

Winterflower84 · 08/09/2019 20:55

If I were you, I wouldn't reply. Ignoring her would be the best reply. I am sure everyone else already understood who she is. My 4yo DD just started reception and will go to breakfast club almost every morning and stay in aftercare several days a week as DH and myself need to work! No one's business.

DalkonMoonridge · 08/09/2019 20:57

Would it be possible to re-type her essay here, as it sounds an intriguing read and a different psychological perspective.

tolerable · 08/09/2019 21:00

latch on.ask her to take them.breakfast club will suddenly become marve;ous

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 08/09/2019 21:06

I'm so glad these days are behind me. I came across a few weirdos like this op. She won't be the first. Just ignore.

Lucindainthesky · 08/09/2019 21:08

She's insecure about her own circumstances and life choices.

My DD has begged me to let her go to breakfast club - unfortunately for her I don't start work until 10 so there's no need.

The other mums will definitely all think she's a dick, they just don't want to get involved in any drama.

Ticketybootoo · 08/09/2019 21:27

Ignore it , rise above it and walk away ! We all do what we have to do - things aren’t always perfect and there’s lots of judgy people but frankly you probably won’t know this person for most of your life so her opinion really doesn’t matter.
Women need to support each other ....

curlychocs · 08/09/2019 22:26

She lives in la la land. My kids go to before and after school club because OH and I both work....as teachers so if we didn't do this we wouldn't be in school teaching other people's kids. This is why I set up a Facebook page for questions for the year group rather than getting a what's app group. Hate them!

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