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Original poster

One week into reception term and i'm about to fall out with another school mum

407 replies

DoggerDidIt · 07/09/2019 09:40

I'm posting on here so I don't reply to her message Angry

We have a class whatsapp group set up by one of the mums. All very polite and nice since it's only been going a week.

Someone commented on the parking in the morning and I said it wouldn't affect me from now on as DD will be going to breakfast club with her sister in the mornings. Another mum then replied with 'whats breakfast club'. I replied assuming she wanted the details for her DC.

Instead she comes back with 'oh my gosh, thats difficult for your DD, I couldn't cope with having to leave DC on their own at that time of the morning poor thing'. At this point I kind of thought WTF and just replied saying 'well I need to get to work so she doesn't really have a choice haha, I'm sure she will be fine, her sister will be with her'. She then comes back with a fucking essay about how difficult she would find it having to leave her DC for that long and with strangers Hmm and won't DD miss out on going into class with all her friends and very head tilty poor DD comments.

I'm sitting on my hands to not reply well you have that fucking luxury because your husband works and you don't fucking need to leave your DC to go to work you utter knob.

I feel like i am having to defend being a single mum and needing to use fucking childcare!

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 08/09/2019 22:36

She's a lunatic, ignore. Mine go to breakfast club and after school on my long days at work, they love it. I cba with playground crap, I'm on the Facebook page but won't go in the WhatsApp group. Zero interest. On the days I pick the kids up I don't get out the car till 1458 so I'm in and out. The rare days I've been early I stand way back from them. Nothing says unsociable bitch like standing five hundred feet from the classroom door.

spina · 08/09/2019 22:52

My lot loved (16yo and 13yo) and love (8yo) breakfast and after school club. They made friends with children from older year groups, did exciting (messy) things and had an absolute hoot! I got to maintain my career and earn money. I have a parent in my youngest yr group and she is the Queen of tilted head judgement. It irritates me but I have realised that she just doesn’t “get” that families come in different versions, no of kids, priorities, etc. Everything should be done the way she does it! I have seen her put her foot in it with SAHM because she works and people like me who have a regular booking at breakfast club, when she uses the club on different days each week. She is just quite naive to be honest I have realised!

BloggersBlog · 08/09/2019 23:00

Now she's organising things? Yes, definitely angling for Queen Bee spot

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Stixkystick · 08/09/2019 23:08

I’d just reply “Noted” and from now on just lurk on WA so you don’t miss the useful
Info, but don’t post anything more.

Avoid the other parents at pick up and drop off (polite smile but no chatting) and leave them to their coffee mornings and intrigue. You won’t be Ms Popular but who cares. Working parents have better things to do.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 08/09/2019 23:13

Ok you need to work out who is a dick and whose not - make another WhatsApp group but continue to wind dick mum up with your ‘bad’ parenting. ‘Is anyone else’s 5 yr old DC walking to the park/shop - I’m doing dinner so it’d be easier if they went alone’....

Parttimewasteoftime · 08/09/2019 23:24

Do not leave the group they will remind you of some random mufi day or post homework pictures.
But pah ha the rest of the group are so on your side jesus my two love breakfast club board games and hot breakfast 🍳 total angels run ours and do asc as well. I have been stood waiting as I turned up too early to collect. Part of school is letting go good job op but kick ass at quiz 😂

Rosachoc12 · 08/09/2019 23:40

Why not say something like “well, older DD has really benefited from the club and I’m sure DD will be the same - she’s so confident for her age (must be her experience at nursery).” Don’t let this idiot put you down. She’s probably doing it deliberately because she’s jealous that you have a life outside of your children and manage to work and be a good parent. I wouldn’t associate with her after this. She will keep on with the digs. Stupid woman (not you - her).

Rosachoc12 · 08/09/2019 23:46

Also I’d try to identify the working mothers and befriend them and ignore the sahms of only school aged kids. They’ll not understand the reality of combining parenthood with work and it’s best to find yourself a supportive network.

Simkin · 09/09/2019 00:14

Just want to point out this is not about being a sahm of school aged kids. It is about someone being an utter cock, which has nothing to do with whether you work in or out of the home.

Simkin · 09/09/2019 00:15

-and when I was a sahm if someone ignored me for being one I would have them pegged as an utter cock.

SquintEastwood · 09/09/2019 00:32

This is why I am anti social and stand back from other parents with my earphones in until DD comes out of school and I can busy myself taking to her and walking away.

I have no need or desire to get to know these people, I made that mistake when my eldest started school. Most of the cliquey playground parents are the bitchiest, two faced folk don't get me started on the PTA around and it never ends well!

Eva2020 · 09/09/2019 03:17

Too funny ..lol.

Eva2020 · 09/09/2019 03:19

I actually wouldnt reply at all. Just ignore her. Take a ringside seat, guaranteed it's not the last judgemental comment you'll see.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 09/09/2019 05:20

I agree with Simkin.

Have been on both sides, working and SAHM, and would never at any stage have made crass ill-thought out assumptions like OP's WhatsApp twit.

MyOtherProfile · 09/09/2019 05:48

Definitely go if others are. I made some really good friends while my eldest was in reception. Parents of his friends. We are still friends now many years later. We had some great class parent nights out. You don't have to go anywhere near her, just look for some sympathetic people.

Our chat group and social events haloed build community. Still now these are the people I would call in a crisis since I have no family near. We have been there for each other and gathered each others DC up in times of need. You can't beat a nice group of local parents.

Original poster
DoggerDidIt · 09/09/2019 06:56

Sorry ladies would love to sit around with a coffee and chat but my children need to get to breakfast club.

I'm a very important person you know. I have many leather bound books.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/09/2019 07:02

“Also I’d try to identify the working mothers and befriend them and ignore the sahms of only school aged kids. They’ll not understand the reality of combining parenthood with work and it’s best to find yourself a supportive network.”

Fuck me, that’s a ridiculous thing to say! Apart from the absurd judgement, it’s a bit daft to focus your search for a supportive network on people who are at work at the same time you are! If you could bring yourself to make friends with a few sahms, they might actually prove to be very supportive, who knows?

Original poster
DoggerDidIt · 09/09/2019 07:05

@BertrandRussell, agree. SAHM's are fabulous support! I have very robust childcare but when it falls down I know I have a few SAHM friends who would absolutely help out with older DD. I won't be cutting off these SAHM's either

FWIW, I was a SAHM for years so theres no judgement from me. I'm the classic MN tale of SAHM whose DH leaves and then she can't find a fucking job because she's been out of work for years. I know both sides of the coin.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 09/09/2019 07:09

It’s quite hard to focus on befriending “sahms” or “working mums” in our friendship group we veer wildly between the two! Can think of several sahms who suddenly vanish from the playground into big full time jobs

tedladybird · 09/09/2019 07:19

I'm a bit Hmm at the suggestions to ignore either all SAHMs or even all other parents full stop! Seems a bit extreme and judgemental to me.

She's just one idiot, most of them are probably fine.

Lovebeingmama · 09/09/2019 07:23

I’d just leave her hanging and ignore. Sometimes silence can get your message across better than words 😂
Its good that she has outed herself this early on ... then you can avoid, avoid, avoid!

SoyDora · 09/09/2019 07:25

Also I’d try to identify the working mothers and befriend them and ignore the sahms of only school aged kids. They’ll not understand the reality of combining parenthood with work and it’s best to find yourself a supportive network

WTAF?!

Tiredtessy · 09/09/2019 07:31

I love these people who couldnt possibly leave their darling child with a 'stranger' but have no problem leaving their child 5 days a week for 6 hours with a stranger. I would tell her exactly what I thought!x

wildchild554 · 09/09/2019 07:37

tbh I'd feel the same about not wanting to leave my children alone with strangers but then they are both sen so I don't if I'd feel differently otherwise,. I'm sending them to an after school club the next 6 weeks for 1 day a week for an hour and feel bad doing that which might seem crazy. However, every family is different and does things the best way for their family. I have the luxury of being a full time self employed single mum working from home so i have the luxury of fitting work around the kids. But I appreciate not everyone can do this. She sounds very rude and judgemental pushing her own opinions on you like this op and needs to back off. Your family life is your business and not hers. Your best just keeping quiet though as it will likely escalate and you'll have to deal with this the rest of the year which you don't want.

Defeated10 · 09/09/2019 07:46

Oh god I am dreading my DS joining school next year for this reason. I'm a single parent and he will need to go to breakfast club. I can't be doing with this what's app drama. How does she get everyone's number btw? Does someone give them all to her?