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Original poster

I’m going to have to tell her straight aren’t I?

450 replies

PinkBlossomTrees · 06/09/2019 10:33

This situation is quite complicated but I will try to explain briefly.

My oldest best friend who I used to go to school with has a DD the same age as mine. They live close by and the girls went through nursery and school together.

In year 3 her DD started bullying my DD. My DD didn’t tell me for 2 years. I took it straight to the head when I found out and parents were called in. My friend was unhappy I went to the school and not her. DD moved classes on her request and had a happy final year at school.

The girls are now both in year 9 at different schools. Me and my friend have rekindled our friendship, it’s not the same as before but we are friends. Our DDs have nothing to do with each other but we’ve moved on it’s all in the past.

During the holidays my friend said her DD may possibly need my help with something (to do with my job) and would I possibly be prepared to help her out and if so how much would I charge. I ran it past my DD first and she said she had no problem with it. So I said to my friend that should be fine and I wouldn’t charge.

My friend came back to me and said her DD does need my help and can I go round to theirs on Sunday, it’s all been arranged.

I mentioned to DD last night that I was helping her out Sunday. She’s said she’s not happy about it anymore as friends DD this week has been getting on a different school bus (same stop as my DD) and the name calling has started again and she’s shown me messages from her on Instagram calling her a “fat cunt” and saying how she should go to weight watchers.

After seeing this I have absolutely no intention of helping her out but need to let her Mum know but I have no idea what to say.
If it was you, would you make up a excuse or tell the mum straight the reason why?

I have no idea what to say.

OP posts:
Snowman123 · 07/09/2019 20:05

OK I posted without reading the whole thread. BUT I was pretty much spot on. Kid having a hard time and being a little fecker. Child's mum probably mortified by her behaviour and says she will have a word with her.
Mum's probably having a hard time too, with the daughter being such a little fecker. And she tried to explain why recent life events might have contributed to her behaviour.
I think you did the right thing showing the posts to the Mother, but I don't think you needed to lose your friendship over it.

Pinklady1982 · 07/09/2019 20:20

Ignore them sunshine, yes it does get frustrating, but you are new and there's still no need for people to be rude to you at all. Welcome to AIBU!! Flowers

Ellie56 · 07/09/2019 20:22

Just because you are having a crap time yourself does not mean you get to make someone else feel crap. Angry

SianyLou11 · 07/09/2019 20:29

I would be reporting here -

www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

They have a talk in our school and they were brilliant, teaching all forms of online safety. They explained what was an offence and how they will go and talk to children where an incident had occurred and explain the severity.
Their first advice was always to screenshot and report

PegLegAntoine · 07/09/2019 20:35

Ugh yes that’s a non apology. I hate people who excuse shitty behaviour like that

GabsAlot · 07/09/2019 20:39

Snowman what ab out the other time years ago when she buillied her

AnnonniMoose · 07/09/2019 20:51

@ToftyAC - are you sure we're not the same person? lol

My DDs new school was fabulous and they now go to a high school which is OFSTED outstanding, instead of the one they would've had to go to (where all the bullies were going) which was 'inadequate'. So in the end they did us a favour.

Funguy · 07/09/2019 21:20

Why did you ever consider helping this horrible little bitch?
The history alone is awful.
Dump the mother, dump the little bitch. Send a stinking message.

Devora13 · 07/09/2019 21:31

It is interesting you say you're going to contact the school as they may take it more seriously than the mother. Because maybe on some level you realised on the previous occasion that this would happen, which is why you did go to the school first. I wonder if your friend ever told you what she would have done had you gone to her first? Frankly, she doesn't sound a very strong person and is perhaps making excuses to cover her own inability to deal. Which probably explains a lot about her daughter's behaviour.

NitNat78 · 07/09/2019 21:41

Absolutely tell her straight and show her the messages. She needs to know how her daughter behaves and I hope will discipline her. I think its disgusting behaviour. Your poor daughter.

NitNat78 · 07/09/2019 21:55

Just read the whole thread, your daughter sounds lovely and very wise and level headed, you should be very proud of her. I have thought of about 10 responses to your 'friend' but agree say anything. Have no more to do with them.

NitNat78 · 07/09/2019 21:56

*say nothing not anything

GreenTulips · 07/09/2019 22:08

Most of them are cleverer than this girl was as they bully via Snapchat so the messages disappear

You use a second devise to photograph the messages. They aren’t that clever.

KateReddy · 07/09/2019 22:10

FFS, this thread is full of people who CBA to RTFT.Angry
I'm not reading 15 pages of a thread Fine but don’t fucking post then, particularly wheat the thread has moved on. Hmm

Ferret27 · 07/09/2019 22:11

Having a child that’s a bully is not necessarily down to the mother ... ! I think those of you who are calling her names are acting more like the daughter in all honesty... Op talk to the mother face to face as adults ... if you both listen to each other you may both come to a better understanding of each other’s perspective ...
it’s also an opportunity to show both your daughters how to resolve conflict if any of the relationships here are salvageable... you know each other better than the people posting on here and you should follow your own council on whether you don’t wish to be friends with the mother... as your daughter has with her ex friend.

WorkerBee83 · 07/09/2019 22:26

That’s awful your poor daughter! Defo screenshot and send to bully’s mum, if this doesn’t stop now I will take it to the head of school again!! Sending love to your dd xxx

karenbokaren · 07/09/2019 22:33

Read. The. Fucking. Thread. 🤯

GreenTulips · 07/09/2019 22:33

She is sent them
They aren’t at the same school

GreenTulips · 07/09/2019 22:34

Some parents will defend their child’s actions however wrong by deflecting and apportioning blame to whatever

What they should do is show the child how to make amends rather than excuses

This is what bad parenting looks like

TheQuaffle · 07/09/2019 22:37

Show her the messages and say you’re not willing to come round to help her DD.

Tell her straight.

AncoraAmarena · 07/09/2019 22:39

Oooh @TheQuaffle, what a wonderful idea. Surprised that nobody else has suggested that. 🙄

Mamabear144 · 07/09/2019 22:44

Option 1: Tell her you have no intentions in helping somebody who bullies your child time after time.

Option 2: tell her you'll be there, show up and when you're supposed to help then produce screenshots and then leave and don't actually help.

Option 3: I would personally ignore the fact and not show up at all out of respect for my child and when asked why you didn't show tell her to ask her DD why, or call and say you won't do it and to ask her DD why. Let her DD suffer the consequences and own up to what she has done, she needs to admit it.

TheQuaffle · 07/09/2019 22:45

@AncoraAmarena GrinGrinGrin

SoupDragon · 07/09/2019 22:54

Option 4: read the whole thread.

manicmij · 07/09/2019 23:22

You need to show her the text and basically say you doubt if you would be able to help her daughter given the bullying.

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