How do I communicate my need to be left the fuck alone?

[paleandstale]

Apologies, it's another MIL one. She's usually lovely but she's really shat the bed this time and I want some time.

PIL cat sat for us whilst we were away on hols, really kind of them. However, whilst they were here, MIL took it upon herself to have a clear out of our spare room. She has thrown away three boxes of sentimental stuff from my childhood, old diaries, some letters from my grandparents, photos, presents I was given, books: my Malory towers and sweet Valley high collection, all sentimental stuff that means a lot to me. These was the only things that were thrown away, nothing belonging to DH or the DC were thrown away, just re-arranged. DS 1 bedroom was reorganised for example. I didn't realise until about two days later (about the thrown away, I twigged the re-organisation pretty quickly). Bin men have been, it's all gone.

I am really, really upset by this. PILs initial reaction was patronising, suggesting that we live in junk filled chaos and they couldn't see us living like this, this then quickly turned angry and is now at the begrudging apology stage.

In the last few days PIL has been bombarding me with messages about how upset MIL is (because I won't accept her apology or talk to her right now). they were supposed to be coming over this weekend but i've suggested DH and the kids go to them, I don't want them in my space right now.

I will get over this, it's only 'stuff' i get that but I'm not at the forgive and forget stage yet. I'm getting multiple daily messages from FIL, MIL has been on the phone every day to DH alternating between anger at me, belittling my feelings or crying about how I am going to ruin their relationship.

I just want to be left alone by them for a while, DH is supportive but is also on the receiving end of his parents, wants an easy life and is encouraging me to move on. I will move on but I just want a couple of weeks without any bullshit from any of them. Any advice on what I can do / say to buy me a bit of time?

I just cannot get my head around this at all. Who DOES something like this? Did she just see the boxes and think she'd take it upon herself to just clear the space and chuck them, without really knowing or caring what was in them? Or, and this would be 10x worse, did she go through the contents, see letters from your late grandparents and actually think, "Oh, I know, I'll chuck that shit out, Pale won't mind?"

I read this thread on the day that it started, and it brought back for me the feelings of hurt and grief that I went through when my dh accidentally threw away my childhood teddybear. It was a genuine mistake, and I didn't realise in time to retrieve the bag from the skip at the dump - I cried on and off for a fortnight or more, and it still hurts.

I can only imagine how much more painful it is to realise that someone has done this deliberately - and I agree with the previous posters who have said that this was clearly deliberate, and done with malice aimed solely at @paleandstale.

I am glad that your dh and your BIL and SIL are so firmly on your side, and that they are reiterating the message to your ILs that this is 100% their fault, and they deserve everything they are getting.

Waiting to see if you get your books

I've been away for a week or so, but I've been thinking about this thread, and I wanted to know how you were doing, Pale. I'm so pleased your DH is standing up to his vile parents - and that you have support from your BIL and SIL, too. Don't cave in to any reports of "illness" or "heart attacks". Be strong, and don't have any contact with them.

@paleandstale, your story is still playing around in the back of my mind. The PIL’s behaviour was beyond awful. Has anything happened about replacing the books?

@paleandstale, like crabb I was also wondering about you and if your PIL had made any effort to replace your books.

I lost my Chalet School books in a move years ago & I’m still sad about it & that was just a genuine mistake.