How do I communicate my need to be left the fuck alone?

[paleandstale]

Apologies, it's another MIL one. She's usually lovely but she's really shat the bed this time and I want some time.

PIL cat sat for us whilst we were away on hols, really kind of them. However, whilst they were here, MIL took it upon herself to have a clear out of our spare room. She has thrown away three boxes of sentimental stuff from my childhood, old diaries, some letters from my grandparents, photos, presents I was given, books: my Malory towers and sweet Valley high collection, all sentimental stuff that means a lot to me. These was the only things that were thrown away, nothing belonging to DH or the DC were thrown away, just re-arranged. DS 1 bedroom was reorganised for example. I didn't realise until about two days later (about the thrown away, I twigged the re-organisation pretty quickly). Bin men have been, it's all gone.

I am really, really upset by this. PILs initial reaction was patronising, suggesting that we live in junk filled chaos and they couldn't see us living like this, this then quickly turned angry and is now at the begrudging apology stage.

In the last few days PIL has been bombarding me with messages about how upset MIL is (because I won't accept her apology or talk to her right now). they were supposed to be coming over this weekend but i've suggested DH and the kids go to them, I don't want them in my space right now.

I will get over this, it's only 'stuff' i get that but I'm not at the forgive and forget stage yet. I'm getting multiple daily messages from FIL, MIL has been on the phone every day to DH alternating between anger at me, belittling my feelings or crying about how I am going to ruin their relationship.

I just want to be left alone by them for a while, DH is supportive but is also on the receiving end of his parents, wants an easy life and is encouraging me to move on. I will move on but I just want a couple of weeks without any bullshit from any of them. Any advice on what I can do / say to buy me a bit of time?

Wow. This is unbelievable. Am amazed that people think they can get away with this sort of thing.

You live and learn. And on Mumsnet, you definitely hear the tales.

The serious crime act is not relevant as fails to meet one of the 4 requirements

**a)A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person

Good god. This makes me realise how blessed I was with my lovely MIL, lost to us 10 years ago and missed everyday.
Wishing you resilience and strength OP. You are justified in putting as much distance between yourself and this raving madwoman as you choose.

You are very nice, OP. I would have logged it as burglary - especially those 1st editions books.😬

The Serious Crime Act also doesn't apply because it requires the perpetrator to be either in an intimate personal relationship with the victim, or to live with them.

I would have logged it as burglary

Not burglary. She didn’t force entry.

It isn’t burglary. It is theft, though.

Jesus she is unhinged and agree with other posters who have said she is actively trying to erase you. Silver lining in all this is you can erase her from your life. Felt angry just reading about it nevermind what I would do if someone did the same to me.

Passive aggressive nastiness imv. Pretence of clearing out a messy house when really it is just an opportunity for MIL to revenge her DIL, the cow who gets in the way of her relationship with her beloved DS and his boys.

Stay away imv. The DGCs will survive happily without the GPs .... and if the DS KNEW that DMIL had never liked you what is he learning from that, is he old enough to understand the underlying nastiness - or does he think maybe you do have flaws??? Def distance yourself and the rest of the family long term.

Did the OP posted an update? Can't find anything

OK, not burglary - theft. I’m sure the police can decide what they’d charge her with. No way would I be letting her getting away with it. Even if you don’t want to go the full hog OP, I’d scare her.

It's most definitely theft imo

Did your DH get your keys back OP?

She wants to get rid of you so she can have her son and grandchildren to herself. And she’s probably going to succeed. They’ll see her without you and she can pour poison in their ears.

I don't know if she'll succeed, that will be depend on your DH understanding that his mother's behaviour is so far beyond acceptable that she's out of sight.

But he needs to realise that if he and your DS see MIL on their own, she will pour poison in their ears.

theft?

The woman didn’t take them. She destroyed them.

It’s still theft.

No. It is malicious destruction of property

Wow. Have they been in touch again?

Are you doing ok @paleandstale? MN has fabulous straight talking women who can cut directly to the heart of the matter but it can be very painful to process the paradigm shift when your protective psychological blinkers get ripped off. You come across as such a lovely, good natured person who wants to think the best of people and I can only imagine how painful it is to be told that this is a targeted, premeditated, personal attack.
I’ve experienced the “mumsnet effect” too and I know how painful, destabilizing and even frightening it can be to face up to the ugly truth.
Hope you’re doing ok

Hope you're ok now too, Barbara

@ThumbWitchesAbroad thank you. I am.

Sorry for the absence and lack of updates, it's been a whirlwind few days.

Lots of terrible stories on this thread, was so sorry to read the awful things that have happened to some of you, thank you for sharing and big bunches of to you all. Also, thank you for the really kind Dms and offers of books, I really appreciate it, the kindness of strangers has been really touching.

We have our keys back, DH went over yesterday by himself, unsurprisingly the reception he received wasn't filled with apologies and regrets, they seem to be doubling down on the self-righteousness and misplaced anger that the DC wasn't there.

DH took a list of everything that's gone and made them sit through him talking through each item. They've said they are looking for replacement books we will see if anything transpires. DH has said the ball is in their court now, we won't be seeing them until I feel happy too. In textbook fashion last night BIL called to say to that FIL had been on the phone moaning about how the situation has making MIl ill. BIL reminded them that they've been told very clearly how to make this slightly better and they've created this situation themselves, no one else to blame. SIL has been entertaining me with some stories of batshittery she's been on the receiving end of too. They are a very fucked up pair.

I've also done some soul searching, I'm going to get myself back to some professional help to help me work on strengthening my own personal boundaries. If anyone can recommend anyone in the West mids / Warwickshire areas - I'm in London most weeks so that also good for me.

Sorry but I'd be done with my in laws if they dared to touch anything of mine in my house.
Tell them straight you are too angry to deal with them right now and they need to stay away from you.
Just wondering as an aside to all this if you are a hoarder OP? I know people who hoard can get hysterical if any of their hoard is touched and blow it out of all proportion. If I'm wrong sorry.

Oops just read the rest ofor the thread. Should have done that before posting.