On the whole I feel that a 25 year age gap between a couple is a bit much

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

I think of the people I know who are 25 years younger than me and tbh I have so little in common with them. Same with people who are 25 years older. It's a whole generation age gap.

My dad and step mother had a 17 year age gap which was very keenly felt during her child bearing years and later when he got sick and died.

In my real life the biggest age gap between any of my couple friends is 9 years and they sometimes really feel it too!

In short, I suppose I think - Michael Sheen what's going on here?

I'm sorry, I am 55 and the thought of being married to an 80 year old is completely shocking! The difference in energy, capacity, life expectancy, health, everything is worlds apart! Just as different as an 18 year old with a 43 year old.

Totally agree Next, it would be more interesting to hear from women in their late 50s/60s how they now feel with much older partners. I know a few women my age (60+) with much older partners and they admit it is much, much harder than they would have imagined. A friend was recently widowed, she was late 60s and her DH was early 90s, after a short period of mourning she has got her mojo back and looks fabulous as if a whole weight had been lifted off her, she has admitted (discretely) how hard she found the last 15 or so years. (She is now dating a man her own age ).

I think it depends on the couple , I think if it's the female that is the much older of the two ,there is the issue of children, not so much with men as they can father children into their 70,s and 80,s ,I know a friend of mine whose dh is nearly 20 years her senior has issues with lack of intimacy( he has some health problems) @Ragwort my dad is just a few weeks older than my mum but she has a lot of health problems, he quite fit and healthy ( both late 70,s)he's become her carer .

me and dp have a 14 year age gap but don't feel it at all tbh, we are both at the same stage of our lives.

I cant see it changing any time soon, and i'm absolutely fine with him retiring before me, though I will make some effort so that I can go part time, or whatever to enable us to spend more time together.

I suppose the only thing I worry about is that I will be old and alone if he dies before me, but realistically anything could happen so I don't dwell on it.

oh and im certainly not with him for his money I wish

25 years between me and dh, couldn’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks tbh.

Been married 8 years, have 3 dc. Very happy, very much in love.

DH doesn’t look or act anywhere near his age! Yes maybe I’ll need to be his carer one day who knows, but I could also get sick tomorrow with cancer and he could end up nursing me 🤷🏻‍♀️

No I’m not with him for money, I’m rich from inheritance, I have my own business and property portfolio so I’m good for money. I married for love

If someone makes you happy in life, you grab that happiness. Nobody knows what the future holds for any of us

There was 20 years between my cousin and his wife. They had a 5 year old and she wanted another child..
He said no at 62 he didn’t want to bring another child into the world.
As soon as he went away to work she had an affair and another baby as a result. They are now divorced
Everything has gone tits up. Baby is living with its dad. Other child is in foster care . They are in another country
Cousin is trying to get his boy back
Nightmare
They’d been together 20 years as well

My friend got the last laugh
Ex left her for his much younger secretary
At 70 he was ready for pipe and slippers and at a very youthful 50 she’s wanting nights on the town lol

Men basically want their wives to be the same age forever which is why many continuously chop them in. I thinks it’s sad as it leaves lots of women on their own in their older years.
My dad has repeatedly had affairs with younger women and has finally chopped my mum in for a 40 years his junior woman. It is gross and embarrassing and I have cut him out of my life ( for that and number of other reasons). It’s so sad that so many men are willing to give up everything, their shared history with their wives, their families, their grandchildren etc just so they can have sex with a much younger woman.

I agree with you op. My sister is in her 50s, is fitter than she has ever been in her life, and looks amazing. Her dh is nearly 80 and looks it. He has been in poor health for some years now and she has become his carer. I think it's very sad tbh. My df was 20 years older than my dm and she was widowed in her 40s with young children. Obviously my experience has coloured my judgement and everyone will have their own opinion but I would never find someone so much older than me attractive and just can't see anything positive in a big age gap. (For the younger person).

My auntie married a man 20 years her senior and it was fine... until it wasn't.

They were together for over two decades. When they were early 30s/early 50s they were both working, healthy, active and had shared interests but he retired and became an old man overnight. She cared for him for years and then he died, leaving her a widow at 55.

I know any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow but marrying someone so much older just increases the chances that you'll be left alone at a young age.

That's a very sweeping statement Bodicea ,some men might be like a lot of men, are not ,and seriously why would a young attractive women want to have an affair with a much older ordinary man that works in a factory for example ?

Married man*

What a load of judgement on this thread!
Unless it's your relationship then keep your thoughts to yourself.
I'm blissfully happy with an age gap marriage thats lasted 23 years so far. If either of us become ill then we'll care for the other as that's what you do when you love your partner.

Meh, he’s not even good for his age, looks like he sleeps rough.

My dil is 11 years older than my son
She’s soon to be 50 and he won’t even be 40
She really feels it and I feel so sorry for her
No amount of telling her how good she looks makes her feel any better
To be fair since he’s grown a beard she looks much younger

At least they are solid . That’s what counts

Great for you grim as long as you didn’t leave a divorced and bereft first wife in your wake.

Women do it for a number of reasons. In my not so lovely fathers case she is Russian and wanted to get herself and her son into the uk. He is now paying for her son to go to a private school ( I went to the local comp). He is not rich so sure she will dump him once the money runs out. Will serve him right. He is a dirty old man and has emotionally abused my mum for years.

Is that the conversation shut down then?

Every chat topic under the sun will be offensive to someone or other and I cannot see any actually offensive comments on this thread anyway.

How massively judgemental op !
21 years between DH and I , married 28 years and still going strong ( husband and marriage).

seriously why would a young attractive women want to have an affair with a much older ordinary man that works in a factory for example ?

Same reasons why she would want to go out with/ have an affair with a young man who works in a factory. There really isn't a huge difference. I've dated mostly older men and a few same-age ones, and it's the same crap regardless of (chronological) age. Plus, only one of the old guys was relatively well off: the others were either working class or "artistic" types who were basically dropouts.

There was 25 years between my parents. They met when she was 25 and he was 50. They remained married until my father's death last year. Dad was always a youthful person and was frequently mistaken for being 20 years younger. Mum fondly recalls him turning cartwheels down the street on their wedding day.

There were strains in their marriage, but those were more attributable to personality differences than age. Any marriage can be subject to strain for reasons wholly unconnected with age, and those strains may or may not prove fatal to the relationship. There is no reason to say that growing apart due to reaching different life stages is any better or worse than growing apart due to developing different interests and ambitions in life.

Yes, mum did have to deal with nursing dad at home in the last 18 months of his life and has suffered to some extent as a result. But she was able to keep him at home until the end, which was a strong wish of them both, and I wouldn't like to say if it would have been better or worse for her if that time would have been spent with him having to go into a nursing home because she couldn't cope with looking after him.

Now, at 70, although she misses dad deeply, she is looking forward to starting a new chapter of her life solely on her terms, rather than being alone at a time when she is not fit or well enough to make a new beginning.

Generally yes.
The Michael sheen thing makes me cringe.

All bar one of my relationships have been with younger men - the only older one was 16 years older than me. I could have married him (he did ask) and had a very comfortable lifestyle however I was very much younger then - he would now be 75 and that would be very limiting for what I want out of life - a lot of travelling. I am glad I moved on (he did too - to an even younger model!) and married my (slightly younger) husband.

The same with women who consistently go for older men. They seem "to defer to their husbands alot more than people in relationships similar age. They seem to seek alot of guidance for their own life from their husbands

And I know, this is only my experience and isnt true for all age gap relationships. I an talking about my experience of people who consistently go for a much older partners"

Not in my case There is a running joke in my friendship group that i "wear the trousers in my relationships"

DP is 18 years older than me, we have so much fun together and have loads in common. We like the same, music, food, activities, programmes. He's very sporty and far fitter than I so the age probably equals things out there. He also looks significantly younger than he is. He's far more sensible and organised than me but that's a personality thing, i don't think I'll get any better with age. It's the most relaxed and easy relationship I've ever had, not sure age has much to do with that though, just similar relaxed personalities. We don't live together and it's still earlyish days (around 15 months) so who knows what's ahead but for the moment I'm enjoying it. I'd probably have thought it strange too til I did it.