On the whole I feel that a 25 year age gap between a couple is a bit much

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

I think of the people I know who are 25 years younger than me and tbh I have so little in common with them. Same with people who are 25 years older. It's a whole generation age gap.

My dad and step mother had a 17 year age gap which was very keenly felt during her child bearing years and later when he got sick and died.

In my real life the biggest age gap between any of my couple friends is 9 years and they sometimes really feel it too!

In short, I suppose I think - Michael Sheen what's going on here?

he has had a vasectomy and told our girls they have agreed not to have children. I think he is being cruel to his girlfriend, and I think she is a fool

Cruel would be concealing the fact he'd had a vasectomy from her.

@GeorgeTheFirst

It’s a good job that it’s got absolutely nothing to do with you then if everyone who actually matters is in the picture and happy with the situation then.

• too many ‘thens’, sorry!

It must be grim to be shacked up with a much older man. I’d hate it.

Well it works for my sister and her husband.
She wasn't a gold digger as she is wealthy in her own right. They both seem to bring the best out of each other.
There was the same gap between nan and grandad, the only difference was that neither of them had any money between them!

My DH and I have a 25 year gap. We have been married 20 years this month and are still very happy!
We got together when I was 21, he has a young outlook and I have always been mature so we are very compatible. We get on incredibly well.
We have three children now in their teens who he has always been a great father to, he has the experience and patience to teach them skills that I haven't seen other (younger) fathers do.
DH is one year younger than my mum which causes some hilarity/shock accordingly!
I'm sure there was plenty of speculation about how long we'd last when we got married after being together for just a few months too.

It must be grim to be on dating sites and meeting men who expect no body hair and porn type performance in bed Id hate it.

A friend of a friend has a 72 year old boyfriend.... She's 38.

I’m 17 years younger than DH and it doesn’t have any impact on our relationship, but I think the crucial thing is that we were at a similar stage in life (both had young children - I just had mine a lot younger than he had). We met through a social group so already had a lot in common, we actually both assumed we were much closer in age tbh.

He did have a few doubts when he first realised the age gap. Especially as he had been widowed young and had DS1, he was very conscious that people might think he’d got with me to find a mother for his child (whereas I didn’t meet DS, nor him my kids for almost a year).

The only time it’s ever even noticeable is if we talk about music, but we already have very very different tastes there anyway.

He did say he was likely to be old and need care before me etc, but his first wife died in her early 30s so life isn’t guaranteed anyway. Anything can happen, and I’d rather have to years of happiness we’ve had than not risk it ‘just in case’

I’d rather have to years of happiness we’ve had than not risk it ‘just in case’

This is what it comes down to I think. Do you walk away from someone you've fallen desperately in love with because you feel the age gap is too much? I mean there's not a right or wrong answer to that but I think I'd rather have 20 years of a great love than 40 years of a mild kind of love.

Michael Sheen has always given me the creeps. The thought of doing anything sexual with him skeeves me out.

God yes! This x 1000.

I know someone who is 20-something years younger than her DH. They met when she was a student and he was well established in his career. He sort of swept her off her feet with a life of luxury that she'd never experienced. She basically never worked because she was married straight out of university and had to follow him around the world for his work.

Now she's in her 30s and he's in his 50s, and after a drink or two she readily says how tired she is of him, how she finds him boring, she doesn't fancy him, they have no couple friends, etc. She basically gave up her life to support him and now she's realising what she's missed out on. I really wonder what this is going to look like when he's properly elderly if she's already unhappy.

Jesus 50s isnt old.

There is a hell of a lot of ageism on here and a lot of goalpost moving.

50s is old is it? Funny how its not old when it comes to slagging off baby boomers who have collected a pension early.

THEN it becomes about how entitled they are and how lucky they are to have collected their pension so YOUNG But then suddenly when it comes to relationships they are decrepit and OLD

Make up your bloody minds.

@HelenaDove I have no idea what pensions have to do with anything.

25 years is an absolutely massive age gap, that's the age gap between my mother and me. I don't get a huge thrill hanging around her friends so I can't imagine being married to someone who is that age either.

My DF is 74 & maybe marrying his 52 yr GF in a few mths. She’s 18mths older than me

I have no clue in why she isn’t out having fun with someone her own age

One of my friends had a 25 year plus gap and it was highly disfunction. He was a cock to her too and had a child her age. I was pleased when it ended to be honest. Having seen the dynamics it wasn’t healthy.

I think it’s the dynamic that’s key. One of my friends has a 5 year gap in his relationship. His DH always has a superior tone, he always thinks he knows better because he’s older and a couple of rungs ahead in career (they do the same job). He sees himself as smarter/more worldly and expects my friend to cede to his opinion on that basis, and ky friend does. That, imo, is much more unhealthy than a bigger gap where they both see each other as equals.

As for not having much in common, I feel like that only goes one way. Like when I talk to people ten years older, I don't feel there is a gap. When I talk to people ten years younger, I feel a big difference. So the older person feels it while the younger person doesn't.

I'm a in a ten year age gap relationship myself (DH older) and I was a bit shocked when I realised that what I feel talking to my 20 year old colleagues, he must feel talking to me. I suppose men don't much care if they have much in common with or respect for their partner, so long as they can look at/have sex with a younger person.

It's a tough one though because as a women, I've found men my age generally didn't want to date me. And that's been all throughout my dating life. No matter my age, my male peers were always with someone younger. If they (reluctantly) agree to date, they aren't thinking of marriage and children for "at least 10 years". I'm mid 30s so what good is that. I didn't feel I had any choice except an older man. Literally no one else was willing.

50s is old is it? Funny how its not old when it comes to slagging off baby boomers who have collected a pension early.

It depends on what you are talking about though.

50 is too old to do alot of things, doesnr mean it's old for other things. 50 would be too old to decide to go get a degree in law and have a long glittering career in law. Doesnt mean it's too old for everything.

Age gap relationships are an odd one for me. In my personal life, people who consistently choose partners alot older than them, seem to have some issues.

I have known quite a few women with younger men, and the men seem to be the type that want to be looked after. I dont know one woman who has stayed in these relationships past their mid 50s. Usually because the woman has hit menopause and lack of sex has caused issues. Or the women have got fed up, that their kids have grown up but they still have to act like the parent to their younger spouse.

The same with women who consistently go for older men. They seem to defer to their husbands alot more than people in relationships similar age. They seem to seek alot of guidance for their own life from their husbands

And I know, this is only my experience and isnt true for all age gap relationships. I an talking about my experience of people who consistently go for a much older partner.

Generally I don't judge. I think 'let them get on with', but if discussing it, that's my thoughts.

I do think most big age gap relationships struggle when the older one approaches 60. But that's not all of them, and any relationship struggle with some things.

In the case the OP is talking about though, while she may not have got with him for money and I an sure she loves him. Dating a very rich okderbperson is very different from someone that is just ok.

In 20-30 years she is unlikely to have to care for him. He has the means to pay for care. She wont spend her 40s and 50s knackering herself having to provide care in an unsuitable house, with minimal money and all the problems carers without money face.

Being a carer is physically and emotionally draining and very isolating. If you and your partner are millionaires, you can reduce that stress or at least get plenty of support.

Oh and I dont know any men, that expect a hairless pubic area. I know its apparantly a thing, but I have never actually come across it.

And also older are no more likely to not watch porn than younger men. So dont really understand people saying they wont date their own age because of these issues

My partner is 9 years older (53/44) and even that can be a little strange when he's planning his retirement a in a decade or so and I've still got 23 years left of work at least to pay off my mortgage post divorce.

It depends how old the couple is. An 80 year old with a 55 year old is a lot less shocking than an a 43 year old with an 18 year old.

The limit I go along with is "half your age plus 7" - so 14/15 year old should only date other 14/15 year olds. It's OK for an 18yo to date a 16yo and for a 30yo to date a 22yo. For a 25year gap to be 'not weird' the minimum ages for the people involved would be 64yo and 39yo

So yeah a 50yo with a 25yo doesn't qualify.

My step-mum is 25 years younger than my dad and they're very happy together. They have the same interests and it seems to work well for them. I think I might raise an eyebrow if one of the couple were still a teenager or something, but generally I think if you're in love and want the same things out of life then what's the problem?

28 years between DH and I, been together 12 years, 3 kids and counting. The prospect of becoming his carer whilst relatively young myself doesn't really worry me, because I love him - my only concerns are for ensuring I can support our children as a widowed parent if necessary.