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Original poster

DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

235 replies

MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:00

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 10/07/2019 17:38

I have Find My Friends on DC and DH.

I don't track them as a matter of routine. But when you have teenage DC and they do something unexpected, and miss a rendezvous or are late home, it's useful to know where they are (essentially it can stop you worrying, which is good for household stress levels). The DSes have never given me cause for concern, DD is somewhat less dependable. So I suppose how you see it depends on the age, sense level, and track record of the individual, with a bit of 'how close are you to dodgy areas' thrown in as a topping.

It was also jolly useful once 'Yes, you must have left it in your locker as it says it's in school'

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:41

“I have used it twice this year, to see where DS was on his practice DofE expedition, and the occasion where DD was just and she asked me to find out where she was.”

You really shouldn’t know where he is on a DofE expedition- it’s supposed to be fostering independence! And if she was lost, why couldn’t she find out where he was by herself?

And if you don’t use it why have it?

anothernotherone · 10/07/2019 17:42

"how did we all manage before xyz?" is the rhetorical marker of the smug idiot.

How did we all manage before we had the internet?
How did we all manage before car seats were commonly available?
How did we all manage before cars had seatbelts as standard?
How did we all manage before cars?
How did we all manage before the landline telephone?
How did we all manage before mains electricity?
How did we all manage before vaccines and antibiotics were developed and available?
How did we all manage before anesthesia?

Bloody snowflakes these days, hey?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
CarolDanvers · 10/07/2019 17:44

"how did we all manage before xyz?" is the rhetorical marker of the smug idiot.

Amen!

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:47

“"how did we all manage before xyz?" is the rhetorical marker of the smug idiot.”
I agree. But I honestly cannot are how teaching children benefits anyone. If one of mine wants me dinner then they can bloody well take the initiative to text me and tell me. I’m not going to do their thinking for them!

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:48

*tracking. Not teaching. I’m a big fan of teaching.

NoWordForFluffy · 10/07/2019 17:49

You really shouldn’t know where he is on a DofE expedition- it’s supposed to be fostering independence!

I'm intrigued why his mum knowing where he was (without his knowledge) prevents him from getting his independence. 🤔🤔 I really cannot see the link between the two.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:52

“I'm intrigued why his mum knowing where he was (without his knowledge) prevents him from getting his independence. 🤔🤔 I really cannot see the link between the two.”

Because it’s fake. He needs to come home and tell her all about it- if she knows all about it already that’s a bit shit. However good she is at pretending.

NoWordForFluffy · 10/07/2019 17:55

But that isn't related to getting independence. Actually doing it gives him the independence, not telling people about it. Two different things, IMO.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:57

Part of the independence is knowing that you’re “on your own” If mum’s watching you, you aren’t.

JacquesHammer · 10/07/2019 17:58

When DD was stuck on a train that the train company were swearing blind wasn’t stuck and had got to its destination, tracking proved very useful to be able to inform the staff at the station where their train actually was Grin

JacquesHammer · 10/07/2019 18:00

Part of the independence is knowing that you’re “on your own” If mum’s watching you, you aren’t

Don’t you think, just maybe, it’s ok for parents and children to make their own decisions for their family? I can’t imagine being arrogant enough to suggest my way was the right way.

But maybe that’s just me....

Tadpoletofrog · 10/07/2019 18:11

I find the tracking between adults quite sinister. I can’t see why I would need to know exactly where my partner was, or exactly when he was due home. I know roughly, If he is going to be late, then he will text or call. That’s all I need to know.

My colleague uses it constantly to check where his wife is, and comments that she is spending a lot of time in a cafe, or has gone to so and so for lunch. It’s really weird.

I can see the temptation to use it for older kids and teens but it still doesn’t sit right with me.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 18:16

“Don’t you think, just maybe, it’s ok for parents and children to make their own decisions for their family?“

Of course. But it would make Mumsnet very dull and threads very short! And to be fair to me, I was asked......

JacquesHammer · 10/07/2019 18:17

And to be fair to me, I was asked

Well that explains one post....

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 18:23

I don't mind if Bernard thinks its weird. I have RL friends that think its weird Grin

I think it is brill and if noone wanted to be on it they could take themselves off it.

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 18:26

Bertrand you care far more about this than you should with random stranger. I checked where DS is as he has severe allergies and hadn't checked in for a while with us, it was a massive gamble him doing the expedition. Finding out where he was if no bearing on him completing the trip but assured me.

DD had become separated from her friends on her second day of secondary school, it would be a pretty shitty parent to not help in that scenario (I was over 10 miles away so couldn't get to her physically, this is the closest I can get).

As the school is several miles from our house (and 15 miles and over an hour from our work) I don't know it well either. So using the app and her descriptions I was able to guide her to where she knew to be from her practice school runs.

And the app is innate to ones, doesn't have to be downloaded, as we are a family group so I can control what apps they can download and any purchases the location sharing is a perk of that.

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 18:27

And again all you weirdos that think we check all day every day, that is not how it is used in our family at all

CarolDanvers · 10/07/2019 18:37

Don’t you think, just maybe, it’s ok for parents and children to make their own decisions for their family? I can’t imagine being arrogant enough to suggest my way was the right way.

But maybe that’s just me....

It's not just you

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 19:08

We do turn it off if we want! No obligation.

LouiseHumphreys81 · 10/07/2019 19:11

Wrt tracking, my son is being investigated for dyspraxia and has a terrible sense of direction and cannot read a map at all, both common signs of dyspraxia. He is only 8, but when he gets to high school it will be about a 40 min walk from our house. I fully intend to let him make his own way there, probably with friends as it is a fairly safe route. But I will be tracking him as he can get lost really easily and cannot easily retrace his steps. It's ok if he is walking with others but there will be times I'm sure he will be on his own. At least with tracking I can direct him.back on to the right path if I need to! Honestly he still sometimes turns the wrong way walking home from primary school, he normally walks a bit ahead of me and his younger brother, which he has been walking to and from since he was 4!

comeonletsgo · 10/07/2019 19:22

Could you enrol your younger DC into breakfast club for the first 1/2 term/term so you drive them in and then have time to drop your DD in?

Then by this time she may have made friends who she can walk with?? And the school experience won't be so new & daunting, so the walk will feel less of a big deal.

NoWordForFluffy · 10/07/2019 19:28

Part of the independence is knowing that you’re “on your own” If mum’s watching you, you aren’t.

Nope, I really don't see that at all. She's not tracking him on camera and certainly can't assist with anything. Ergo, he is independent.

800msprint · 10/07/2019 19:32

I walked 25 mins to secondary but I was about 13 I think. Absolutely no issues. I enjoyed it and made friends from it too. Was a couple years older though. I would think it would be fine like others say.
By the way I also suffer terrible anxiety so fistbump for all that and do look at getting some support to mange it better. I am going to do just that. Having children has worn me out in ways I never thought!
Good luck OP x

flowery · 10/07/2019 19:41

”Children need to learn how to manage their lives. If mum just turns up without them having to plan or text they won’t learn that.”

I don’t just turn up. Confused

”Controversially- I think children have a right to privacy.” When DS1 seems remotely bothered by being tracked, I imagine we’ll stop it. He’s not bothered at the moment and he’s only just 12.

”Why should they be watched all the time? I don’t think that’s healthy. Why do I need to know that my child has gone from the park to McDonald’s??”

What makes you think I’m watching him all the time? I have a life! It just means I can (for example) see that his train has left, or that the bus I’m going to meet him from is nearly here. I don’t sit there glued to my phone! GrinGrin

”And what can you actually do with the information tracking gives you- how does knowing exactly where they are help?” See above.

”It will just make anxious parents more anxious.” Doesn’t make me more anxious. It makes me far more relaxed about his increasing independence. Which he benefits from, as do I. If it were making me anxious, clearly I wouldn’t do it!