DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

[MayorMumbum]

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

Does she have a physical disability that would make walking difficult? A 25 minute walk to school is completely normal for most 11 year olds. My children have been walking 1.5 miles each way from the beginning of Y7.

Practise the walk with her before she starts so she feels confident about the route.

My y7 dd walks 30’minutes each way most days (gets the bus a couple of times). She gets in 50 minutes early by choice to meet friends for breakfast. After school she does an activity/ goes to the library for 30 minutes to an hour and a half, or hangs out with friends at a cafe/ park/ their house before coming home. There’ll be plenty of other children around before and after school, and the canteen is a safe bet in the morning or the library after school.

My daughter is starting secondary school in Sept. It's a 25 minute walk and she will be doing it on her own.

Losing sleep over the idea of an 11 year old walking to school is not usual. If you have anxiety, it would be good to address that and get some support for yourself.

As long as its a safe route she will be fine.

Agree with other posters - the 25 minute walk seems fine to me.

Slow typing, cross with your last Mayor

I was wondering if she is already in year 7 (or equivalent) or is starting in September. Because it can seem like the most immense leap forwards when your DC have to start doing things more independently. (And it's often the parents who worry, the DC just get in with it)

After a week or so, it'll be like they've been doing it forever.

I'm just worried. She seems so small still and there are busy roads. The first time I ever walked to school alone I got flashed by a weirdo.
It's just sort of all hit me I guess and as she's been home schooled for the last few months it feels like a real lurch.

At my pace that's about a mile and a half, doesn't sound too bad.

I certainly walked that everyday from Year 7 and it was a lot easier journey than some of my classmates.

DD's journey is a 20 minute walk. Some of her classmates travel up to an hour each way on public transport.

I think you'd find that she would get ready very quickly, the jump in maturity between the end of Year 6 and the beginning of year 7 surprised me and DD enjoyed the freedoms and responsibility of getting herself to school.

Just give her the safety conversation- how to deal with people stopping to talk, what happens if she is worried or frightened, not to walk along on her phone etc.

Use the summer as a time to prepare her for it

That sounds fine. My own journey to school was 5 min walk, 30 min bus ride, 20 min walk. The bus bit was pretty unpleasant but the walking was fine. What is it you are worried about? Plenty of my schoolmates lived further away than I did.

They do seem to grow up an awful lot over the summer holidays and you can practice independent walking - sending her to local shops, giving her increasing amounts of time by herself in a shopping center etc.

I know it seems scary, but you do have some time now to build up her confidence. When she starts will you be able to walk part way with her for the first few days just to get her going?

I guess the thing to do is to pin down exactly what you are afraid of.

I would suggest over the summer you practice the walk with her and the bus too if it's a public service, with the aim of her doing it by herself at the end. Make it familiar and normal so that come September she's ready to just get on with it. I bet if the bus is a school route it will be full of other schoolkids anyway.

What's the route like to walk? Main roads? Through town center? Country roads?

If it's not a dodgy area walk it with her beforehand as often as you can so she knows it like the back of her hand, then drop her at school (during the holidays) and get yourself home by a different route and meet her at home. Do the same in reverse.

If she needs extra support getting ready for the extra independence you have the summer holidays to get her ready.

Presumably she's starting the new school in September not tomorrow?

That's a perfectly normal secondary walk, honestly. Once she does it a few times I bet she'll meet others on the way.

And don’t let your fears rub off on her, especially if she is already anxious. You MUST be positive about it, paint it as a good chance to clear her mind/get some exercise/enjoy some peace before the school day.

If she doesn’t seem ‘ready’ you’ve got two months to put that right with practice runs etc

I would never have said DS1 was ‘ready’ to walk 10 minutes from his new senior school to the train station, buy a ticket, get on the correct train and travel home all by himself. He is very shy generally and was always worried about doing things by himself, and lacking confidence.

But he’s done that twice a week since last September. We did a practice run, he has an app on his phone so I can track him, and he was fine. Once he’d done it once it gave him huge confidence and now he’s much more comfortable with all that stuff.

Both my daughters have been doing this since the start of year 7. Their walk is/was just over 30 mins.

It's a good way to make friends with others that walk that way too.

Walking alone is also not a problem.

Walking with friends can seem like a good idea but then becomes complicated if any of them fall out with each other.

If she has to walk on a route with no pavements or streetlights (in winter) then maybe consider a hi-vis vest, armband or reflective stickers for her bag.

If she's been home schooled, can you use the rest of her time at home and any time over the summer to practice for it? It may not be something she's ready for now, but it's certainly something she can be ready for by September.

You could do the first walk there and back together, with you showing her the way. The next time, she could give you the directions and make the road crossing decisions. The third time (if you wanted) you could follow a little way behind l, and see she gets there safely. The 4th time you could drive to the school and meet here there or whatever, go out for a hot chocolate? And the 5th time she could just text you before she came back.

Obviously if she gained confidence quickly you could skip these steps out, or repeat some if she was still worried. She is 100% going to be able to do this, she just needs the opportunity to practice, but I can see that after a difficult few months it must be very strange to be making big changes.

There is a lot of time between now and September for you both to get used to it and for her to mature. If she’s been suffering horribly at her old school and is happy about the new one then you might find some of her anxiety decreases naturally.
Just use the summer to walk the route together as much as you can, so you are both familiar with it. As others have said, you may well find she makes friends that walk a similar route so she won’t be alone the whole time.
Get her a phone you can track and she can use to call if she needs to but also just be positive about the experience or she will take negative cues from you.
My kids walk a similar distance and there is also a bus but the bus was FAR more intimidating for brand new year 7s faced with lots of bigger kids! Within a couple of weeks, everything felt much easier and normal and now they choose how they want to go depending on the day.

It’s obviously been a tough road to get here. This bit will be fine.

I walked 45 mins each way from 11, my DD's took the bus to school from 10 on their own (city bus not school bus), they walked to primary (15 mins) from 8 alone. Every kid is different but you need to let her grow up, this is the issue some home school kids have.

Start practicing the walk over the summer - walk it a couple of times, then get her to lead you and cross you over the roads.

Talk about ‘what ifs’ - what if she loses her phone, keys, stays later for a club or activity, runs into something that makes her feel unsafe etc. Not in a way to scare her these things will happen, but in a ‘you are capable and can deal with these things’. Talk about shops or buildings on the way that she could duck into for help, like shops etc. Make it a challenge to learn your mobile and home numbers off by heart.

If the bus is a viable option for the days it is grim, practice that with her too, at the right times. Approach it as an exciting adventure (even if that’s the last thing it feels like!).

It must be quite scary being such a change from your current situation, and with all you have been through, but as plenty of others have said it’s a fairly standard length walk at this age.

The 25 min walk will be fine and also good for her.

I totally get why you're worried. If she has anxiety and has issues in the past, it's perfectly normal for you to feel that way. She'll be fine.