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Original poster

DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

235 replies

MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:00

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 10/07/2019 08:12

My son had a walking friend within days of starting secondary. Now one of his best mates. They wait for each other just down the road, friend lives round the corner.

There's a little gaggle of them on the way home, they generally mill about in the park for a bit, if it's nice. Some get a bus, they peel off as they go along.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 08:13

I have started leaving her at home for ten minutes here and there and I'm thinking ill let her walk to the local shop alone next week. I had her at 19 and we've always been joined at the hip and due to her being home schooled the last few months we've not had the same sort of preperation for these huge changes. But I have been (rightly) given a scolding here and it seems the general consensus is I need to pull myself together Grin.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 08:13

Don’t wait til the last day. Walk with her the first morning, then suggest she walks home on her own, unless it’s a really complicated route. Have faith in her and let her see you do.

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CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 08:14

I second Life360 on phone as mentioned by a PP, it works really well for us as a family

legalseagull · 10/07/2019 08:15

I hate to break it to you, but you get weirdos on buses too. And in schools. Unless you plan on staying with her 24/7 you need to loosen the apron strings and encourage her to grow more independent and confident. If you're faffing around being anxious about a 25 minute walk she's going to pick up on it and think there's something to be anxious about, when there isn't.

NoWordForFluffy · 10/07/2019 08:17

You don't need a taxi service, she'll be fine walking, honestly.

Rosemary46 · 10/07/2019 08:18

You also need to learn to drive OP. The summer is a good tike with the light nights. Get yourself on the car insurance and book lessons.

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 08:19

I have started leaving her at home for ten minutes here and there and I'm thinking ill let her walk to the local shop alone next week Ten minutes? I was doing that when Ds was 8 and I'm the most over anxious mother ever! At 11 kids here walk into town and spend the morning there and go to the park on the way home - depends where you live obviously. Go and do a food shop or get your hair done and she'll be done at home.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 08:19

And please don’t track her! You’ll end up spending all day on it watching her.

Exmoor · 10/07/2019 08:19

My son loves his 30 min walk to school. He's been walking to school on his own since year 4. What does she say about the walk? Is she worried? If not, you shouldn't be either.

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 08:19

**fine

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 08:21

You also need to learn to drive OP she's doesn't,unless she wants to. Not for this scenario anyway.

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 08:21

Walking is the best answer as she will be in control, far better than hanging around waiting at a bus stop. Practice. Let her do it alone this summer. It is a good way to get some exercise everyday too, it helps my DS wind down from school and wakes him up in the morning.

Make sure school shoes are comfortable

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/07/2019 08:21

If it's any consolation, I was really nervous about dd getting the bus when she started secondary as she was going to a different school from most of her friends and they weren't allowed phones. She did used to walk to Primary by herself, but it seemed like such a big step in comparison.

To cope I wrote a risk assessment Blush for me to look at - not her! It allowed me to really analyse my fears, assess likelihood of each potential 'catastrophe' and allowed us to plan for all eventualities. It really helped me to put it into perspective and I knew that if something went wrong I could refer to 'The Plan'.

By the end of Year 9 she was traveling across England by herself on the train. It was just that initial step of big unknowns that was really hard.

Teacakeandalatte · 10/07/2019 08:21

Yes getting her to walk to nice local places over the summer as well as practicing the school route a few times.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/07/2019 08:23

I've just read your last update. You'll be grand. Some courage is needed, but you can do it. :)

diddl · 10/07/2019 08:23

A 30 min walk to school-that' fantastically easy compared to what a lot of kids have to do.

I can't help thinking no wonder there isn't a bus for that short distance!

Hopefully there will be others nearby.

SavoyCabbage · 10/07/2019 08:26

My dd started year seven a term late as we had just moved back to the UK. She didn’t know anyone at all. She had a funny accent and she’s black in a white area she’d never had a history or science lesson. Her first lesson was french (clueless) and her second geography where for the warm up activity they had to label a map of the uk (also clueless).

I was rigid with fear all day. Imagining all sorts. I nearly threw up in the car waiting for her. She ran over to me and opened the passenger door and said ‘I’m going to netball club, it finishes at four’ and she was gone. And that was that. Not all children are bullying meanies. Most kids are nice to each other.

We did have a bit of a blip in the second week when she rang me from the bus stop and said ‘can you pick me up, it’s snowing ‘ and I told her not to be ridiculous and she asked me if it hurt. I realised she’d never been in snow.....

crosspelican · 10/07/2019 08:28

I was an anxious child & was bullied in secondary and I LIVED for the 25 minute walk to and from school because it was the only bit of peace & quiet I got. I listened to music & thought my thoughts.

If you are in a safe cycling place, it would be a 10 minute cycle, btw. My dd's will be going to a secondary that is 18 mins away by bike - the bus actually slower!

81Byerley · 10/07/2019 08:39

Could you try a few practice runs over the holidays? Let her catch the bus and pick her up at the other end?

SciFiScream · 10/07/2019 08:55

My DS has a 40 minute walk to school or a 12 minute cycle. Definitely consider cycling and if you do look into Bikeability training. It's really great.

The bus he used to use (which was a walk away) has changed its route, so he won't be using that.

I wonder if your DD anxiety is a reflection of yours?

Chickoletta · 10/07/2019 08:55

Please try not to let your anxieties show to her - be as breezy as possible about it and she'll hopefully feel the same. This is a very doable walk for an 11 yr old.

SirVixofVixHall · 10/07/2019 09:02

Well I will go against the grain here, my dd (recently 12) would get anxious about a 25 minute walk alone. She is also small for her age, and I would worry, so I understand how you are feeling.
However you don’t have many options by the sound of it, so finding someone to walk with would make everything much easier. I had a 15-20 minute walk to Primary School, and I did it from about seven , mostly with my older brother or a friend, but fairly often on my own as I went home for lunch. This was in the 70s in Wales, when we all roamed about much more than children do now. Very few cars.
I know my dds would not have done that at the same age, because they have not had years of experience of being out with other children but no adults. Also so many cars now make roads more of a worry.
I agree with pps that you need to walk the route with her frequently between now and September, and hopefully by then she might have met some other children who will also be walking it. Could you put out feelers locally ? Maybe then she could practise walking it with another child ? Is cycling a possibility at all as she gets older or is the route too dangerous for bikes ? Friend’s dd has a four mile cycle ride to her school, which she has done from 12.
Walking a route that other kids from her school will be taking at the same time seems safer to me than being alone at a bus stop after everyone else has gone home, in the Winter when it is dark.

Killybashangel · 10/07/2019 09:07

My dd walks but chooses to get to school 30 mins before registration so she can hang out with friends. That would also give the necessary leeway for if the bus was delayed. The walk would be fine. Dd does more than that uphill

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2019 09:10

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family

First sentence of the OP.

It's hardly surprising that they're going to be anxious about what's ahead, is it?

Has she had a Taster Day at the school yet? Has she got to know any of the children? That may help.

And definitely walk the route with her a few times.