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Original poster

DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

235 replies

MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:00

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

OP posts:

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 14:34

Actual that is another helpful point in favour of tracking. It's much safer for many reasons, not least awareness of surroundings and vulnerability to not be on phone. So once DD is on bus she texts me, and when she arrived at school/home (I work so am not there when she gets home) but not in between so she can concentrate of her journey. She knows I can find her if I need to know where she is, and she me.

flowery · 10/07/2019 15:28

”I think tracking children in almost all cases is a big mistake”

Why?

In terms of how it gives them more freedom, as I said, it makes me feel happier knowing where he is therefore he gets to go wandering round a big local city with friends. I’m not at all sure I’d have let him do that quite as soon without knowing I could see where he was.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 10/07/2019 15:41

She has a summer school week there so I think I'm going to walk her there and back every day so she knows the route and then on the last day let her walk most of the way home alone”

Op please don't walk her up to the door-get her in sight but let her walk in-arriving with her Mum will not be a great start for her.
She will be fine-walking easier and less stress that public transport.

Your job is to get her ready and let her go!!
you can go home and have a cry

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Wallywobbles · 10/07/2019 15:44

My kids have been doing train, bus etc to school since that age. Do a run through. Make sure she's got a phone. It'll be really really good for you all to grip a little less tightly. Meant in the kindest way.

trinitybleu · 10/07/2019 15:48

Do you mean wait at school for the bus home? You'll probably find a few wait at school for their bus - ours allows them in the library til 5pm and they get started on homework there.

My DD is also anxious (diagnosed with OCD) and she walks to the bus and then lets herself in the house of an evening. Took a few tries to be comfy and we've got a Google Hub that turns the lights on at dusk so she doesn't come home to a dark house in the winter, but she's good with it now. Only been locked out twice so far!

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 16:11

Ah yes, we have an Alexa for the same reason, means that the light is on for them to see to get key in lock and walk into house, far less scary to do that (I don't like it as an adult).

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 16:15

I take it no one's seen the Black Mirror episode called Archangel? 😉

TheFirstOHN · 10/07/2019 16:16

LoafofSellotape

Chovihano · 10/07/2019 16:20

I'd just take her and drop off, it sounds like she needs support from home.

Soonsoonsoon · 10/07/2019 16:28

I suppose with the tracking thing, children today are just so used to tech being intrinsically part of their lives, that most wouldn't question it/think it was weird.

No I don't worry about abduction - my oldest is end of y3. I may worry more when they start having that bit more freedom. I do worry about knife/gun crime, which appears to have become pretty common where we live.

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 16:32

Wrt tracking you actually have no idea who has your child's phone so it shouldn't be used as a way to know where they are.

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 16:33

Yes,knife crime is a very real worry.

EAIOU · 10/07/2019 16:39

I've not read the full text so apologies but is there a buddy system?

Any locals going to the same school as her? Maybe enquire on Facebook and ask if theres pupils already going there.

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 16:40

Yes, same way as a child could be knocked off a bike, run away etc etc. However given the balance of possibilities it's the best I have, and both times that DD got lost (which is highly likely) it was a godsend.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/07/2019 16:58

Does the school not have a room/library/space for children to use before and after school? Both my DCs schools do, they are used as quiet homework spaces as well as being somewhere safe to wait. If your DDs school has one it might avoid hanging about outside.

CarolDanvers · 10/07/2019 17:00

I track my children and I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about it

OP it's fine to be anxious. YOU know your child, a load of randoms on MN do not. I find MN a bit dangerous for this at times, when there's a big pile on telling a parent how over protective and pathetic they're being when their concerns are perfectly normal. It makes me worry that they'll ignore their own instincts because they've been told repeatedly how ridiculous they're being by by people who have never met them or their child.

Dd is in year 7, loads of parents still pick up and drop off and we are in West London and most of the kids are very streetwise. No one cares and the kids certainly aren't embarrassed or collapsing with shame that their parents are picking up. I don't know why people insist that teens are like this. I honestly don't know any who are like that.

Sounds like you don't have any choice in her having to do this so I second the practise walks so you can both become familiar and therefore feel more comfortable with it all. I'm sure it will be fine and in a few weeks you'll both be relaxed and happy about it.

RowingMermaid · 10/07/2019 17:01

Practise walking up to the school and clocking times. My children went to a different secondary than everyone else from their primary school so had no one to walk with. But there are lots of other children walking this route.

Set off at an okay pace and get to school. Work out how long it took you both and then the next time you go you clock the time at major points. So for us, this meant leaving the house at 5 past, (could be 11 o'clock but just needed the minutes to match, I wasn't leaving the house at 8.05 in the holidays) first roundabout at 12 minutes past, at the cross roads at 18 minutes past etc etc.

That way they know if they have to quicken their pace or if they are on time when they walk by themselves.

The only way to deal with any dangers is to tell them what to do if it happens. Be aware of your surroundings, that way you know if there is help nearby, walk with confidence, no adult would ask a child to help look for a missing dog so be on your guard etc

It is difficult to let go, I caught 2 buses to school at 11. I was absolutely petrified. But there were other children from my school doing the same thing and I had no choice..

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 17:03

“”I think tracking children in almost all cases is a big mistake”

Why?
Lots of reasons. Children need to be trusted. If you trust them to be where they are supposed to be then you don’t need to track them. If you don’t, you can’t rely on tracking because you don’t know if they’ve left the phone behind or given it to a friend before going to do something risky. Which incidentally they will then be doing without the means to call for help. Children need to learn how to manage their lives. If mum just turns up without them having to plan or text they won’t learn that. Controversially- I think children have a right to privacy. Why should they be watched all the time? I don’t think that’s healthy. Why do I need to know that my child has gone from the park to McDonald’s??And what can you actually do with the information tracking gives you- how does knowing exactly where they are help? It will just make anxious parents more anxious. And maybe make anxious children think there is something to be anxious about. And how hard would it be for a child to say “no” or to decide they no longer what to be tracked? Very hard, I reckon. Trust, talk, communication. That’s what kids need. Not eyes in the sky.

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 17:14

Children need to be trusted. If you trust them to be where they are supposed to be then you don’t need to track them

I think children have a right to privacy. Why should they be watched all the time? I don’t think that’s healthy. Why do I need to know that my child has gone from the park to McDonald’s??

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 17:14

Bertrand
. You are assuming we have nothing better to do than watch our children as moving dots on a map?

I have used it twice this year, to see where DS was on his practice DofE expedition, and the occasion where DD was just and she asked me to find out where she was.

Children don't give two hoots and I wish would track me more often so house isn't utter shite tip when I get home

Soonsoonsoon · 10/07/2019 17:14

@BertrandRussell you have put my concerns onto the page much better than I could

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 17:18

I rarely look at it - unless I need it.

Tbh the most useful thing is to see how far away people are so I know when to start making dinner

As I've said, we all love it and it enhances our lives, but then I'm not a 'big pharma' paranoid kind of person.

I think dh said he was going to pick up something after work but rather than texting him to double check I will just have a look at life 360.

dd has gone riding and I'll probably look at life 360 just to check that she is still moving

dd2 is going out but not sure what time the thing she goes to finishes, she hasn't had dinner so I will check it to see when she's on her way home and put the water on

I love it!

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 17:20

I have four active kids and a dh, everyone is always everywhere else at once. It helps us organise ourselves. I am not a big chatter on the phone so I prefer a brief text and an app!

Chovihano · 10/07/2019 17:27

Gosh, I'd never imagined that parents felt they had to track their dc, I hope they all go home and aren't the ones making a nuisance of themselves in Mackies

How on earth did we manage before all this technology?
I've heard it all now.

TheFirstOHN · 10/07/2019 17:34

What I would love is an app that tells me how many people are eating dinner here this evening (and each evening after that) without me having to ask every time. The number can vary between 4 and 7.

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