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Original poster

DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

235 replies

MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:00

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

OP posts:
Hoggytat · 10/07/2019 09:19

Practice where to go for the bus. Give her times sp she knows when the next bus is if me doesn't turn up or she misses it. Download the bus app for both of you to track it.
Text her loads so she has your support when she's going for the bus.

Also practice the 25 minute walk to/from school. Explore different routes she could use. All this will help her gain confidence.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 09:32

Thanks NannyOgg. I promise this isn't just about me being neurotic. There are other issues at play too.
Luckily they've invited her to a week's summer school thing where they can make friends etc so we'll be able to practice the route a lot that week.

OP posts:
Auntpetunia2015 · 10/07/2019 09:34

Walk her the first day of summer school. Arrange a place to meet her when she comes out. NOT right outside the gate..honestly she won’t thank you for that. Pic a spot a bit away and tell her you will meet her there at the end of the day. Because she will come out in a gaggle of kids and won’t want mum waiting by the gate like it’s reception. Then the next day take your lead from her. She may have met someone who lives your way and they have arranged to walk together. Do bear in mind that once she starts in September there are kids from year 7 to possibly year 13 walking backwards and forwards she won’t be on her own. Most year 11s and 6th formers are told (asked) by school to watch out for the younger ones on the streets in the first few days.

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FiveStoryFire · 10/07/2019 09:46

It sounds like you're the anxious one OP. Are you sure you're not projecting onto her?
A 25 minute walk at age 11 sounds absolutely fine to me. Don't make it into a big thing when it's not.

TheFaerieQueene · 10/07/2019 09:50

She will be fine.

From the age of 11, I was walking a mile to the station, taking two trains and walking a mile the other end to school - morning and evening. This was way before mobile phones. It was fine and I loved the independence, I’m sure she will be the same.

Oberonunder · 10/07/2019 09:53

Can I just echo another poster about travel training. Speak to your local council and find out if she is eligible, with the anxiety she may well be. It might be as helpful for you knowing she has had some guided training, as well as good for her.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 10:09

No, I'm not projecting. She has a long history of anxiety and I'm naturally worried about how she's going to manage such a big change.
Thank you for the advice re travel training. I'll definitely look in to that.

OP posts:
Soonsoonsoon · 10/07/2019 10:40

Someone mentioned up thread a tracking app - do people really track their children in this way? Mine are younger so I accept that I may become a massive hypocrite later on! But it just seems a bit creepy/unhealthy? I'd have been furious at being tracked by my parents.

It's understandable OP that this is making you anxious given the bit of background you have shared, but you would be doing your DD a real disservice if you don't start giving her more freedom. My DCs (London zone 3 if it makes a difference - it's a busy urban area, with crime) primary really emphasise the need to foster independence and they will be walking the 10 mins to school on their own from y5 to prepare for secondary.

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 10:53

We are trackers! It is not secret and we agreed it together as family :) It has diff settings, me and DH use it too. It can be constant or just check in/out

We actually do call it the stalker app Grin

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 10:58

I do wonder with families that track, what would happen if a child said they didn’t want to be tracked?

flowery · 10/07/2019 10:58

I track mine yes, which they are fully aware of and have never had a problem with. Obviously as they get older they might be less happy but DS1 is only just 12, and if he wants freedom to go wandering with his friends sometimes, he doesn’t get to be “furious” about that! Not that it seems to have occurred to him to be any such thing.

flowery · 10/07/2019 11:00

If a 12yo didn’t want his mum to know where he was that would make me wonder why not!

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:00

So he has no choice in the matter? It’s be tracked or stay in?

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 11:01

It’s a discussion :) It works when they are on bikes really well and saves constant what time will you be home texts !

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 11:02

I do wonder with families that track, what would happen if a child said they didn’t want to be tracked?

Then they can't go off riding on their own! I admit that's probably not most children's priority. My 19 year old actually asked to install the app because they find it really useful to see where i am parked when she's meeting me and when I've arrived! I think you can disable it easily but none of mine bother. It's also really good if youve mislaid your phone.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:02

But you know where he is, surely, because he’s told you?

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 11:02

They don’t care...it is basically school, home, sports club, grandparents, park or mates house....pub, work for us Blush

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 11:03

Who benefits from tracking and in what way?

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 11:04

Also helps locate lost phones !

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 11:04

calmconfident that's most peoples lives!

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 11:05

To what extent do you (as in the posters on this thread) honestly worry about things like abductions etc when it comes to your children? I'm honestly interested as I think I probably do worry more than is normal but surely it's a fairly common worry! Is my level of concern hugely unusual? She was only eleven in May. I don't have friends which children dds age and this is the first time I've done the transition to secondary school.

OP posts:
Fibbke · 10/07/2019 11:06

Who benefits from tracking and in what way?

Me and my dcs if the horse turns up at the house with no rider. Has happened in the past. Also me when kids have gone riding with mates and want to be picked up from whereever theyve ridden to and are usually in a field somewhere!!!

CalmConfident · 10/07/2019 11:06

I am not here to argue pro/con - it works for us at the moment so was suggesting it as an option. We do not look at it constantly !

flowery · 10/07/2019 11:07

”So he has no choice in the matter? It’s be tracked or stay in?”

It’s never come up. We put the app on because both DC get a minibus to and from school (DS2 is 9) and it enables me to know when to go out and meet the bus. DS1 occasionally goes into the city where their school is with a group of friends after school. I wouldn’t be happy him wandering around a busy city without knowing where he was, and this saves him texting or phoning me with updates.

It’s never come up as a problem. I’m sure it will at some point, and when it does, we’ll discuss it at the time and agree a suitable arrangement depending on his age/maturity etc

Fibbke · 10/07/2019 11:08

MayorMumbum i do worry, yes, particularly as my kids are quite free range in the countryside. Sarah Payne still haunts me. But I force myself to let them have as much freedom as possible.