DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

[MayorMumbum]

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

Get her a phone with a tracker app. I use life 360. Mine often go running and horse riding by themselves so we all find the app reassuring. You can check in and see where they are.

I was scared letting my 11yo head off to school by himself in September but they very very quickly get used to it.

25 mins is nothing.

I don't understand why she'd have to wait for the bus so long.

But that's a perfectly normal walk to school and will do her good.

Thanks everyone. I know it sounds as though I'm being over the top but she's my PFB and it's been a really rough few months.
I guess my main fear is someone will try to get her in their car or rob her (I know I'm being ridiculous!) and there is one dodgy bit of the road where the sidewalk is barely there.
I'm being positive with DD (just internally panicking).

My 11 year old's school is 15 miles away and there's a convenient bus, but he gets himself to friends' houses within a 5 mile radius by bike if he wants to go at a time nobody can take him. Our roads are quiet and his independence had been built up over time - he took himself to primary school at 6 (short walk, bus which stopped opposite school, lollypop person on crossing).

You just need to use the last homeschool weeks to work on independence skills and local geography - you could easily make a home school project of it actually.

The bus times don't align with the school starting and ending and there isn't a school bus.

So .
On Saturday. This Saturday.leave the house and practice the walk.
It will be fine. She will soon find others to walk with.

Couldn’t she do the waiting in school so she could take the bus? Both our secondary schools have libraries open early and late for this.

I honestly think you'll find that almost all the time the walk will be easier than getting a bus. No waiting about wondering if it will turn up, no contingency time to give time to walk if it doesn't. No waiting in the library when she gets there. Good to plan for it in case of dire weather, but once she's into the swing of things the walk really won't seem that bad.

You really need to let her become independent, you'll do her no favours by 'putting her on the bus'. 25 minutes is an absolutely fine amount of time to walk to school, mine was longer than that.

As others have said, start doing the walk now.

She'll be in no more or no less danger than all the other hundreds of kids who will be doing the same walk and all being well, she'll be walking with other kids before long.

Agree with everyone that she should walk. It’s madness to kill 30 minutes in the cafe when she gets there when the walk itself is 25 minutes. The exercise will do her good and she’ll appreciate the independence.

My kids had a 45 minute walk to school from 11 (and choose to walk rather than bus to save the fare money for other things). I grew up in a city and had more than 25 minute walk to school at that age.

Do practice the walk with her over the summer, but she should be fine.

I think walking independently will increase her confidence and resilience. Daily exercise is beneficial for physical and mental health.

My mum's work was 25min from my secondary.

Much preferred walking to my mum's work, would often hang around at the local shopping centre until she finished work. It was good exercise, nice to get some fresh air after all day in class rooms.

But I got the bus to school it was nearly an hour, (left at 7am) and I hated the bus soooo much - having stand, being in a confined space with people I don't like etc.

At 7, my journey home was bus, then train, then 2 miles walk. It was a bit much, but I survived.

My son since Y7 has walked, it's about half an hour up a seriously steep hill. He crosses a railway (level crossing) and an A road (there is a proper crossing but I know he hasn't used that in ages, they use a traffic island.) It's really good for his fitness as he is not keen on sports at all.

The streets all around are heaving with kids from his and other schools at the relevant times. I suspect the same will be true for your daughter.

I'd practice the bus journey with her over the summer. There will be children at school before the bell goes. High schools usually are open early for children to get in. My childrens school has pre school sports activities and the library stays open. She'll be fine.

My two dcs have been walking 20 mins to go to school from Y7.
It has never been an issue. At that sort if time, there are always plenty of people around, usually mothers with younger children.

It has had the advantage to keep them fit too!

What does she say about it?

I agree with those who say to practice the walk over the summer so both she and you are familiar with it.

My son does this and has done since the start of Y7. He's a daft 'young' 11 and I was terrified he'd get lost but he's risen to the challenge beautifully. A few trial runs and a phone in case she gets lost and it'll be fine x

For the average child that’s completely doable. Would she be able to make friends and walk with them in time?

My dc age 12 could never do it but she does have additional needs. I could never trust her to cross a road and she would hate to walk more than one minute.

In your case it sounds like an anxiety issue for you eg imagining her being taken which would never cross my mind as the streets are full of children all travelling to school at the same time across the whole country.

Are in the uk op?
Google travel training in your area. Given her issues with anxiety she may be eligible.
My autistic son had this and it was a good transition to walking by himself. He now enjoys his 20min walk each way

Definitely practice the walk a few times. And the bus too. I'd suggest walking in and then spending some time after school in the library to get a start on homework then bus home.

I understand that it can seem a big jump from primary, to walking a 25 walk alone, but honestly that is very normal for year 7.

If you go down the route yourself this week, you'll probably see loads of children along the way.

I would:
Check whether anyone you know walks that way, at least for the first few days. Do they have a WhatsApp group for new parents?

Practise the route several times over the summer, both together, and with you meeting her at the end.

A 25 minute walk twice a day would be really good for her. Fresh air and exercise, a sense of the turning seasons, growing awareness of the world around her. I'd suggest she does the walk as often as possible and just takes the bus when the weather is really foul. Or put some money in an emergency account for her to order an Uber if she needs to on really bad days.
But that's dependent on how many books she has to carry. My DC were like turtles at that age, loaded down by their book bags. She doesn't want to damage her spine walking with heavy loads at that age. If that's a problem, I'd suggest she stay in the library at school and gets a piece of homework out of the way until it's time for the bus to come each night.
It's so horrible when they have been bullied and had the confidence knocked out of them, but showing her you have faith in her resilience will help her long term.

Long term, can you move a bit closer to the school if she's happy there?

I understand you're anxious OP. It's obviously been tough for you and your DD. There is lots of good advice from PPs about how to get your DD ready for walking to school. You need to build up her confidence in her own abilities to manage the walk and to deal with anything out of the ordinary and put your anxieties to one side. She'll pick up on you being anxious and that will have an impact on her confidence. It's so hard letting them go, but we need to.

Which would she rather do? I'd suggest walking if the weather's ok and bus if it's not.

We live in a town that only has one secondary. Many dc walk that far if they live on the other side of town, they soon make friends and find people to walk with.

I understand your anxiety given the history but try not to over think it and make problems where there may not be any.