Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD getting back/forth to school. Got myself in to a complete state!

235 replies

MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:00

After huge amounts of issues with bullying/mental health issues and moving house we have finally gotten DD in to a good secondary with strong pastoral care. It's been four months of sleepless nights and calls/meetings with the council etc and generally been a really awful time for our whole family. BUT we have now realised that due to bus changes DD is going to have to get herself back and forth to this school every day, it's a twenty five minute walk away and she would be on her own. Or she could get the bus but due to the changes she'll be getting up at half six, having to get to the bus stop then loiter in the school library/cafe for half an hour both before and after school.

I could put her on the bus in the morning as its round the corner but she would have to wait at the bus stop alone on the other end every day after school after most of the kids have gone home.

Please give me some advice/reassurance on if this seems doable? She's so young still and just doesn't seem ready for this (either am I!) I've barely slept a wink.

OP posts:
flissfloss65 · 10/07/2019 07:48

As others have said practice walking/going on the bus over the Summer.

Realistically if I was as anxious as you I would probably drive my ds to/from school for all or part of the way, until she had found friends.

ittakes2 · 10/07/2019 07:48

do the walk with her several times over the holidays - honestly 25mins is a normal high school walk. She can ride if you feel comfortable with this.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/07/2019 07:49

I agree with practising the route over the summer. DD starts secondary in 2020 and will have only just turned 11. She will have either a very early start + public bus to get to the school bus stop, or 2x public buses with a change in the town centre, to get to school.

I think she'll do the 2x public buses as they sound more reliable, so we'll practise in the school holidays, do lots of 'what if' scenarios and she has a kids smart watch (Moochies) where she can call me/dad/grandparents/school if there's a problem.

Self defence/boxing/martial arts classes might boost her confidence in general and enable her to make some friends outside of school too. Always best to have a mix of friends, I think.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 07:53

I don't drive, unfortunately and I have two other DC's in primary school making my taking DD1 back/forth impossible anyway.
I am trying not to seem anxious about it in front of her.
She has a summer school week there so I think I'm going to walk her there and back every day so she knows the route and then on the last day let her walk most of the way home alone (has silent nervous breakdown).
I don't see another choice and walking in a crowd would probably be safer than waiting alone at a bus stop when most kids have gone home.

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/07/2019 07:56

Could she bus part way, or bus to and walk back? Are there after school clubs or a homework room she could use until bus departure. She may make friends who could liftshare occasionally. How do you plan to attend parents' evenings, concerts, matches etc if you do not drive?

Kaiylee · 10/07/2019 07:56

We live a 25 minute walk from school. All the kids walk down. Even if she's alone she won't be alone most likely, there will be other kids doing the same walk.

I have a daughter with ASD so understand the panic but she was (and is) fine. She was nervous at first but soon got used to it.

We walked it a few times in the summer together so she was confident in the right way to go.

BillywigSting · 10/07/2019 07:57

My secondary was a half hour walk away, I did it from year 7 as did everyone in walking distance. It's really not a big deal.

HellYeah90s · 10/07/2019 07:58

Also OP there could be chances of her walking home with friends, I often walked with friends going the same way.

SavoyCabbage · 10/07/2019 07:58

I don't mean this unkindly but you must try to pull yourself together here. Brew She is going to pick up on how terrified you are about such an ordinary thing, walking to school, and she is going to start worrying about it and thinking it's a big deal. You don't want to give her the impression that the world is a bad place. You want her to enjoy her life.

Walking to and from school should be the best part of her day. Time away from adults to think and be a part of the world and hopefully to walk with friends. I've stopped my car passing my year seven and asked her if she wants a lift home to have it refused. It's a great time to laugh and bond with your friends where nobody is telling you to hurry up or be quiet.

SkintAsASkintThing · 10/07/2019 07:59

My 11 to niece walks around the same distance then catches a train and bus to school. She'll be fine. Kids are a lot more capable than we realise.

Chartreuser · 10/07/2019 07:59

How does she fell about it. I totally understand why you are anxious given what has happened but it's she anxious? Please be guided by her, rather than your own projections. She may sense and take on your anxiety which Erik do no one any good.

You also have two months to get from where you are now to her happily going off for walks on her own. So, can you start with short trips to shop/library/on bus and build up gradually so by the time school starts it's totally normal for her.

My son had similar, good mile and a half across busy a roads and we were woefully underprepared but he was fine. We moved his school in year 8 and he now gets the bus and still laments his old journey to school. With the bus it's busy, there are fights/people vaping/playing music and that's if he can get on a bus in the first place. Yr7 walls 20 mins to get a bus on a different non school route as it's less busy and stressful. So do factor in bus isn't always the easy option.

MsTSwift · 10/07/2019 07:59

Do you know your neighbors? Anyone else have a kid going to the school she could walk with initially?

flowery · 10/07/2019 08:00

”She has a summer school week there so I think I'm going to walk her there and back every day so she knows the route and then on the last day let her walk most of the way home alone”

Why don’t you walk her there and back the first two days then maybe halfway, then the last two days let her do it alone?

At the local secondary school for transition days, they very firmly make it clear that they expect the year 6s to make their own way for the second one, as part of transition is getting there independently.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 08:02

We're completely new to the area and know nobody/DD knows no one at the new school. I'm really hoping she makes a friend walking the same way.

OP posts:
TheABC · 10/07/2019 08:02

If you are worried about DD being harassed or targeted, get her on a bike - it will be faster and easier for her to get away from any problems. It will also cut down the commute to 15 minutes or so: really doable.

This is the final hurdle and a good chance for you both to practice her independence.

BarkandCheese · 10/07/2019 08:03

I wouldn’t wait until the last day. I’d walk with her for the first couple of days, but on the second day let her take the lead in finding the way and deciding when it’s safe to cross the road. On the third and forth days I’d let her walk part of the way by herself and on the fifth day all the way. When my DD started to walk to and from her primary I broke the journey down like this over a couple of weeks. It’ll probably give your DD’s confidence a real boost being able to navigate the whole way by herself.

Echobelly · 10/07/2019 08:05

Secondary school? Kids should be going there themselves IMO. DD started to walk to/from school sometimes this year (20 min walk) and will be walking half an hour to secondary school. I

SoyDora · 10/07/2019 08:06

A bike is a good idea.

Tiredtessy · 10/07/2019 08:06

How was she getting to and from school before her new school? Alone? Is it full of busy main roads? Surely there will be loads of kids getting that bus?

Allornothingnow · 10/07/2019 08:06

It might be too late now but are you sure you have chosen the right school? Strong pastoral care is important but the location of the school also is.

She will be doing this journey for the next seven years and you say you have recently moved house so not likely to be any closer in the future. If you and she are both panicking already and you don’t drive then you have not got many options. What about if she wants to do after school clubs etc. Is that going to be a problem for her?

My dc has a taxi to school as they could not do it but you know your own child. Is it your anxiety or hers that is the issue?

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 10/07/2019 08:07

I agree maybe set some other little challenges to encourage her independence (and to help you!) over the summer. Send her to the shop or fish and chip shop with a list, let her go swimming on her own, leave her in the house by herself whilst you pop out etc... Grin she's growing up! It is scary but so lovely when you see their confidence growing.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 10/07/2019 08:09

I'm thinking she can maybe use a taxi service for clubs. The school usually use certain ones but we'll see.
Its hugely complicated as to why she's going to this school in particular, we really had no choice in the end and could not find a house closer. We also were relying on the bus to get her there and back but the timetable changed just after we moved Hmm.

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 08:11

She has a summer school week there so I think I'm going to walk her there and back every day so she knows the route and then on the last day let her walk most of the way home alone (has silent nervous breakdown)

You walk with her for 2 days and let her do the rest of the week by herself. Buy her a mobile so she can ring if need be,do NOT ring her,and let her get on with it.

Kids here do half and hour walk from 9. She'll be fine as will you.

averythinline · 10/07/2019 08:11

practice practice practice....its the best way for both of you :) find the way that suits you/her both - My DS would have preferred the bus and hanging around (on phone/reading) as although sporty not a fan of walking in the rain....
I would also check out travel training ( a charity provides low cost here - have a look at the Local Offer on your council website- it is quite common)

CherryPavlova · 10/07/2019 08:11

Let her walk on her own after the first trip. If it’s a quiet road, she can cycle.
Your worrywill feed her anxiety and undermine her self belief.