Can we have a confessions thread

[Mother87]

DH bought THE most god-awful 'marl' effect grey denim jeans recently... and wore them THREE times in one week as he LOVED them that much so of course they were put in the outside dustbin just before bin-day as soon as he was away for one night

And yes it was me not some random who knocked over the black electric box thingy by the front of the house

These are quite innocent confessions I know😇

My DGS did not eat the last slice of DW's "special cake". I did.

Oooh yep i've got a few too many secretly scoffed confessions too

It was me that reported that family to social services due to the squalor of their house - long term flea/mite/mice/louse infestation, several severely incontinent animals they never cleaned up after, they never cleaned, floor thick with piss, shit, waste, etc, several children under 5 living there, waste accumulating for over 15 years. Even Kim and Aggie wouldn't have touched it with a barge pole. I can never confess this in real life as the result was them losing their home, long term social services involvement and being moved by the council to more suitable accommodation (which, after 5 years, is still not quite as bad as the previous address, partly because no animals) and their old house being ripped apart by the council to make it habitable again - think new doors, surrounds and skirting, plaster in some rooms, brand new kitchen and bathroom, new floorboards in some rooms. Like tens of skips needed to remove the dirt and louse infestations. It was the right thing to do but it would cause world war three if they knew.

I knocked and smashed the garage striplight and just fucked off because you were waiting it the car for us to go away for a break. It didn’t “just fall out”. I knew it would still be there for me to sweep up when we got back and you’d have fussed and needed it doing there and then as you’d be worrying about it. Fuck it. It was all fine. I will tell you when you’ve had a drink and you’ll laugh.

A long time ago I (a lapsed catholic) snogged a priest. Well actually he kissed me first. I was single at the time and technically he was, so I figured that no one was getting hurt etc.

He's since left the priesthood. Not for me I hasten to add!

I saw my colleague’s husband’s Tinder profile. I’ve never told anyone.

I quite fancy our neighbour.

Oh another one, me and DS spilt two packs of blueberries at the supermarket but I only told the cashier about one of them.

I. am. Going. To. Hell

I anomalously blackmailed a cheater, I said I would tell his wife of the affair. He ended up having a nervous breakdown. I am not sorry.

I reported my ex-DIL for claiming single mother benefits when she had a live-in boyfriend. I even did a drive-by and took pictures of his car in her garage and sent them. She lost her benefits and squealed to my son about it......he asked me but I never said a word.

I stop by the pub next to the DCs daycare after work for a coffee/coke (used to be a glass of wine but now pregnant..) for an hour “me” time before I have to pick them up and go home.

It was me who broke the gate. The stupid takeaway leaflet guy got the blame because he always slams it.
It was me who blocked the toilet with kitchen roll and not the gas plumber.
I know where the instructions are for the lawnmower. At the tip because I threw them away based on years of experience of no instructions ever being read. I'm not owning up and am happy to watch the draw being repeatedly searched incase they apperate there.

When Ddog died many years ago I told young DS we were burying Ddogs ashes under the plant I'd bought to commemorate. It was actually an envelope of burnt paper ash. I'd not had the extra money to pay for single cremation and return of ashes as a young single, low income working parent. DS still points out the revered spot at 22 😶

Oh! I also mocked up an 'official condolence card' on the PC at work then laminated it... He's still got that too! 😕 I'm a terrible person 😶

Love this thread.

I can't believe OP threw out the jeans, I'd go apeshit if my DP threw out a favourite item of clothing.

It wasn't the dog who scratched our brand new super expensive leather sofa, it was my massive toenail

Sometimes I leave lots of extra sliced salami or 'little hotdogs, then keep everyone except DD busy & away from kitchen. This is because I know my 13 year old vegetarian DD caves & eats a few. I worry she does not eat enough protein and iron rich food as I am no wondrous vegetarian chef!

These are great!

The old musical instrument case that you found in the loft wasn't the one that went with your precious grandfather's antique violin. I sent that to a poor school without realising.

When you asked after it I panicked and said
It's in the loft because it was too damaged to keep with the violin. then went to great lengths to find a similar one on eBay and break it up to make it look like the old one and snuck into the house when you were out to put it in the loft!

I am truly evil

Some great ones here... in my defence - the jeans/trousers looked DISGUSTING - reallybut yes I'D go bananas if he threw an item of MY clothing out

Huzzah

Good for you SamStephens!

I bought myself an Easter egg because I didn’t think DH would have time to get me one, I didn’t tell him and he bought me the same one. I didn’t own up and scoffed both in two evenings making it seem I’d eaten one over two evenings!

I enjoy going to the cinema when the toddler is at preschool. I don’t mention it and Dh thinks I’m out hiking.

Downudderer - cinema mad here... anytime/any excuse - feels 'naughtier' (more fun) during the day

In the last 2 years of my marriage to my abusive exh I used his bathroom flannel to mop up the pee he left on the floor and wipe the toilet seat and rim with it too. I would then just pop it back on it's hook and leave it to dry and he would then use it to wash his himself.
I also used his toothbrush to clean around the bathroom taps and the plug hole.

The only people who know this are my Sil and my current partner. My Sil has filed this punishment away at the back of her mind and will use it if my DB ever does something bad enough to end their marriage. My DP knows that should he ever become anything like my exh then this is what I am sneakily capable of. Luckily I've been with DP for nearly 20 years and he's never made me mad enough to start thinking about revenge!