Can we have a confessions thread

[Mother87]

DH bought THE most god-awful 'marl' effect grey denim jeans recently... and wore them THREE times in one week as he LOVED them that much so of course they were put in the outside dustbin just before bin-day as soon as he was away for one night

And yes it was me not some random who knocked over the black electric box thingy by the front of the house

These are quite innocent confessions I know😇

When my nephew, the sole child between me and my two siblings, was a young child I was expected to pick him up from the village infant/junior school every Friday and give him his tea and entertain him for a couple of hours. He was a pain in the arse and he really annoyed me in nearly everything he did

He is now 17 and is less irritating, but we are expected to have him for a few days every summer and I don't enjoy it at all. We have to do things that he likes and I have no patience for. Which is one of the (many, many) reasons why I'm child-free by choice.

Screamanger:

'DH you take the piss out of my prepping, you think I like gardening, in fact I am creating boundaries and no go areas around the house order to funnel potential attacker’s into a kill zone where we can ambush them.'

Thanks for that, Scream, that made me

I've also unfollowed some usually lovely people on Facebook because of their shit SPAG and, in some cases, because they're not actually very bright or because they still think Brexit is a great idea. The stupid hurts my brain too much to put up with it.

I’m another one who fancies the pants off a neighbour and has some very elaborate fantasies about him. I’m good friends with his wife, I hear about the ups and downs of their marriage a lot. Would never act on it but .

It was me who really ate the pork pie that you had set aside for your packed lunch DH, not the dog

• I have a fake FB account just so I can stalk my ex
• I sometimes flush face wipes because I CBA to go downstairs to bin them
• I watched a scrap metal man take away a bike from outside a house down the road today knowing it belonged to the knob guy who lives there
• I had an affair with a married man when I was 19
• I slept with a teacher when I was at college and blackmailed him for a while

You were supposed to be my best friend. I told you I loved him and he had just told me he loved me also.

2 days later I found out you and him were fucking.

Well, karma is a bitch. For 5 years before i got with my DH, i was sleeping with him. In your shared home, in your bed, in his car, all out of revenge because i hated you. Even when you got engaged.

It wasn't particularly enjoyable, boring really as I'm sure you'll agree. It was only because i wanted you to hurt as much as you hurt me.

I ate the last piece of cheese in the fridge destined for my husband's sandwich, and it was delicious! I blamed the theft on a resident mouse.

When I went back to work after maternity leave I lied to DH and his Mum about my hours, and said I worked three hours longer on a Wednesday than I actually did. I used to treat myself to a big, dirty McDonald's, do a bit of shopping then have a nap in the car.

Those three hours a week kept me sane and I swear made me a better new Mum and wife.

@SummerSix did you tell her?

I used the self scanner thing in Waitrose scanned everything and pressed the no issues button with the knowledge that one of the bottles of wine had not scanned. Technically stealing but never done anything like that in the past and I have few fucks to give

My dad plans to disinherit everyone but me.

I did actually know that the cat had been sick all over the hall carpet but I couldn't face cleaning it up so I pretended not to have noticed and let DH do it instead. Twice.

mimibunz are you planning to act surprised when the will is read?

That's really controlling you threw out his clothes

It was me who asked for the nursery inspector to visit the nursery that used to be part of our block. The back wall on their garden was falling down and they didn’t do anything even though three of the neighbours politely pointed it out.

Fixed it pretty sharpish once the inspector guy came out with his clipboard and stood beside the crumbling wall, giving the owners a long hard stare.

mimibunz are you sure he’s not telling all of you the same thing (“...but don’t tell anyone, shh, you’re my favourite”) and secretly buying lots of naive ham/stinky cheese/posh wine with the potential inheritance?

Arsehole ExP - I do know where your favourite sunglasses are that you left behind & you kept going on about needing coz you think you look so hot in them.
I jumped up & down on them in the back garden . Zero fucks given.

I changed the grade on dps beard trimmers as I prefer it shorter. He looks awful the longer length

The ornament you bought from the school Autumn fair to match the one you had already bought me (thus making a pair) was the one you had already bought...

I always choose the cheap tomato button when the most expensive ones are on the scale when I pay for my shopping in M&S. Also zero fucks given.

Knittedfairies

When you turned into a monster and made me and my children leave our home, it wasn't the bins or the extractor fan that were smelly. All the time you spent trying to find the cause of the smell. It was the stale milk I injected into the cushions and soaked the hem of the curtains in! Sour milk smells bad doesn't it! Oh and your pride and joy speakers stopped working because I filled them with water. They were heavy and I struggled to get them into the bath, but they fitted lovely under the tap! A little swill around and an empty and they were back on the desk. Never to work again!

DDad, I used a razor blade to cut little slits in your bed sheets just where your feet where, so you'd get your toes stuck tight in the night and the blood would be cut off. You were horrible growing up and thoroughly deserved the weird toe pain you could not explain.

@Knittedfairies that made me LOL