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Original poster

Can we have a confessions thread

167 replies

Mother87 · 05/07/2019 22:58

DH bought THE most god-awful 'marl' effect grey denim jeans recently... and wore them THREE times in one week as he LOVED them that much Confusedso of course they were put in the outside dustbin just before bin-day as soon as he was away for one nightBlush

And yes it was me not some random who knocked over the black electric box thingy by the front of the house

These are quite innocent confessions I know😇

OP posts:
lilpumpsmum · 07/07/2019 10:14

It was me that smashed off the car wing mirror by misjudging the DHL van which was half up the kerb half off.

DHL man also had smashed wing mirror but DHL man took a fancy to me and my put on ditzy cute girl routine (🤮) so he said he would tell his work he found the damage when he returned to it. I told you it must've happened in a car park. All was well.

(Delivery company name has been changed to protect the innocent)

springydaff · 07/07/2019 11:42

Stuck up, rich, shitty, rude new neighbour, I reported you for domestic abuse when I heard your sustained bellowing/screaming at your wife 3 times in one week. You had a baby in the house you shit. I heard the police arrive and I heard you kicking off you bastard. I hope they took you away and you got the shock of a police cell

I'm a bloody good actor I've discovered.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 07/07/2019 12:07

Sorry DH, no-one broke into the garage, ever. I waited until you got bored of bloody golf and took the clubs to the tip in case you started again.

(I'm fairly sure DH has pulled that stunt with some of my annoying crap. Ignorance is bliss though.)

DMum, the class photo you ordered in about 1987 didn't just "not turn up". I never bothered to hand the money in and probably spent it in HMV. It probably wasn't a good picture of me anyway.

SimonJT · 07/07/2019 12:18

You didn’t miss your flight and have to pay for a new one because you had lost your passport. When I got home I realised I had your passport in my bumbag, the new flight was nearly £2k. Thats why I splashed the cash for a few weeks.

Your husband hates me as he’s worried I’ll let slip the fun we had before I knew he was married.

Original poster
Mother87 · 07/07/2019 13:41

Lilpumpsmum - not DHL then😬😬😬

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 07/07/2019 14:02

I used to clean the toilet with my ex-husband’s toothbrush when he was being a particular wanker. When my old colleague was being a real bitch I would spit in her milk which she kept in our shared two person office.

CustardCreamLover · 07/07/2019 14:08

It wasn't me who marked our wooden stairs that cost a lot of money it was the cat that you hated.

Omzlas · 07/07/2019 14:08

Dear DH. I currently have a Monday morning appointment which is from 10:30 - 12. Sorry. It doesn't start at 10am like I've told you. I just like sitting in the car for half an hour, without being asked stupid questions like "have you seen my X" or "where is Y". It also means I don't have to make toddler drinks, answer his (DS's) questions or change nappies. Best 30 mins of my week.

I accidently clipped our car's front bumper last week, only a very minor scuff and you'll find it soon, I'm sure. I'll deny all knowledge though and you can blame someone else for it because I know it's your pride and joy and you'll probably have a minor heart attack over it.

Omzlas · 07/07/2019 14:12

Just remembered. I reported a family member to SS more than once. There was a hint it was me but I just maintained a blank look and murmured something like "they can believe me if they like. Obviously someone has concerns though or they wouldn't have been reported. If they've done nothing wrong, they have nothing to worry about"

itsallafiddle · 07/07/2019 14:28

Every time my DH is out for the day at meetings (generally works from home, as do I) I go to bed for the entire afternoon and have a massive nap. I wish he had more meetings.

Original poster
Mother87 · 07/07/2019 14:32

GrinGrinGrinto most/all of these... hope it feels good to offloadSmileSmileSmile

OP posts:
ChihuahuaMummy1 · 07/07/2019 14:50

I slept with 3 people behind my exh back at the very end of the marriage.Never told him( when he asked) because his dd mother did it to him and he had a breakdown before I met him.

mummmy2017 · 07/07/2019 14:56

Someone we know used a silly fake name on Facebook, she is frantic to know who did it, not me wish I had but I do know who reported you.... Your husband....

MaxiPaddy · 08/07/2019 15:32

I spit in my colleagues' tea everyday for a week. I only regret not thinking to pee in it too.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 08/07/2019 17:11

I used blue-tack to stick Xmas cards to an expensive mirror with a wooden frame. DP was fine with it (it’s his house and furniture).

When I took the cards down, it pulled away a bit of the surface on each bit where there was blue-tack, leaving lots of pale circles.

I used my best shading techniques with brown and black colouring pencils to fill them in and camouflage it.

He has never noticed

prampushingdownthehighst · 08/07/2019 17:21

To wanker b-i-l
You didn't leave your favourite/best ever plastering trowel thingy on a job, I threw it in your garden hedge because you were being so nasty to my sister!

BlondeAlways · 08/07/2019 17:25

Dear Ex Boss

It wasn't my assistant throwing up in the loo at the staff Christmas party all those years ago.

It was me.

Original poster
Mother87 · 08/07/2019 19:40

PerfectionistGrinGrin

OP posts:
DragonforaMIL · 08/07/2019 23:12

I caught my disgusting flatmate at Uni using my toothbrush, so I cleaned the loo with hers.

CoffeAndFags · 08/07/2019 23:41

That stew that I made, which you said was delicious contained winalot dog food, not stewing beef.

That unbearable stench in your flat is due to liquidised prawns mixed with milk being injected into all the soft furnishings and mattress. The rest was poured between the floorboards with the carpets carefully replaced.

I had a massive cold sore coming on due to the stress you put me under. I deliberately gave you a b.j, bursting it at the same time before I left for the last time. Fucking your slut of a mistress won't be such fun now will it!

You didn't lose your car keys causing you to pay out a fortune to get it sorted, I dropped them down a drain in the next fucking street deliberately.

EtonM3ss · 08/07/2019 23:53

Frigging hell coffeeandfags

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 09/07/2019 08:16

CoffeAndFags - don't you sound a delight Shock

CoffeAndFags · 09/07/2019 08:26

When your waiting for the ambulance when your miscarrying because he can't be arsed to get out of bed to take you to the hospital, but demands a b.j during that wait, then yeah, i'm a delight.
When you cry because your father died suddenly and his response is to slap your face and tell you to shut the fuck up, then yeah i'm a delight.
When he's fucking his mistress in our bed when he's supposed to be looking after our 14 month old while i'm at work, then yeah i'm a delight.
I won't go on.

EtonM3ss · 09/07/2019 08:27

so you gave him herpes?

CoffeeAndFags · 09/07/2019 08:33

Only in retaliation for giving me gonorrhea, courtesy of his shagging around,
I hope he's suffering!

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