Can we have a confessions thread

[Mother87]

DH bought THE most god-awful 'marl' effect grey denim jeans recently... and wore them THREE times in one week as he LOVED them that much so of course they were put in the outside dustbin just before bin-day as soon as he was away for one night

And yes it was me not some random who knocked over the black electric box thingy by the front of the house

These are quite innocent confessions I know😇

I have a big crush on my friend - he's amazing

I have a big, painful crush on a male teacher in my DC school after I worked on a project with him in a professional capacity. I've stalked him over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. He's leaving so I feel heartbroken. There's a small chance I may bump into him in the future but I feel like I've just been dumped. Stupid me for feeding the monster. Oh, and I'm married to a lovely man. I have no one in real life I can confess this to. Hopefully it will die down when I don't see him again. Didn't think this happened to people in their forties.

Doesn't help that I think he thinks I'm attractive (he stares at me). I wonder if he likes me back (but not as much) and circumstances and his profession keep him at a distance. I just want the feelings to go away. Well really I just want to jump into bed with him but the gossip would be terrible if anyone found out. Both our reputations would be ruined and my marriage would fold. So I keep telling myself that.

Remember that holiday I missed out on, due to you 'losing' my passport on the day of us leaving?

You hadn't misplaced it. I'd hidden it. It was down the back of my knickers the whole time.

Dear partner, remember that time I persuaded you to let me wax you, as I said it wouldn't hurt, but it did?

I made sure it DID, by using sloppy form, and enjoyed every minute of it (although, the volume of my laughter probably gave that last bit away.....).....

I love knittedfairies confession! I'm still laughing at that.

My dad did the same, when I was a child.

He thought she would be pleased.

Dear STBXH
So pleased you remembered to take your electric toothbrush with you when you moved in with your "friend " but I shall miss it as I've been using it for another purpose since I found out about her .

One magnum left in the fridge, I hid it in my bag, told my husband I was having an early night took the bag upstairs, sat in bed eating Magnum, hid the stick under my pillow. Feel ashamed but did enjoy it at the time.

The dog had a poorly tum last night and shit on the kitchen floor - what DH doesn't know is i had been down and saw it snook back up to bed and pretended to be asleep when DH found it... Im not at all sorry

No, you didn't lose a tenner out of your wallet.

I took it to buy apology wine from you when you told me you would be home by 9 and rolled in hammered at half one, having fallen asleep on the train.

Dear family, we know you all like top branded food items and tell me you can tell, well I've been buying cheaper store brands and putting them in branded boxes for a fair while now.

Before i plucked the courage up to leave my abusive ex i would use his toothbrush to clean the toilet and happily witness him brush his teeth with said tooth brush 😁
Also spat in his coffee daily

Then whilst he was locked up waiting to be charged for beating me up and causing me to pass out due to strangling me, i took pleasure in sleeping with his enemy who my ex was adamant fancied me during our relationship In the bed we shared i then gave him it back just for satisfaction.

I still smile to my self.

Some of these are absolutely grim

I used to clean the toilet with my ex-husband’s toothbrush when he was being a particular wanker. When my old colleague was being a real bitch I would spit in her milk which she kept in our shared two person office.

There's nothing light-hearted about these. Utterly vile, spitting in someone's drink / food etc 🤢

In other news, today I forwarded a message and changed the time sent to the time that I actually promised I would send it, rather than the hour later, said hour being spent mincing around drinking coffee.

I'm a bad bad woman.

It was me who accidentally reversed into your car 🚗

EssentialHummus

^^

Tough isn't it.

My hot neighbour's wife is also lovely - I'm starting to not be able to look her (or him, obviously) in the eye...

@rosenylund It sounds like you had a horrible experience with your dad but little slits in the sheets really made me laugh - epic revenge

@MellowMelly that just cracked me up but I also sympathise