Can we have a confessions thread

[Mother87]

DH bought THE most god-awful 'marl' effect grey denim jeans recently... and wore them THREE times in one week as he LOVED them that much so of course they were put in the outside dustbin just before bin-day as soon as he was away for one night

And yes it was me not some random who knocked over the black electric box thingy by the front of the house

These are quite innocent confessions I know😇

Accountants... I have loooads of car-related onesthat I've 'discovered'😬

It was me who broke the sat nav screen by trying to fit it in the glove box 🙈

Part 2
Hi Stbxh fuckwit
Oh no I can't believe your precious mug got chipped in your move to your new flat with your "friend "
I'd advise you check other packing boxes for broken and chipped things too.
I've also no idea who told the GP you'd moved out of the area and now they won't see you ? Oh dear.
I've changed the password to the Wi-fi so please stop parking outside trying to get free Wi-fi! Oh and it isnt it amusing what I'm calling the Wi-fi now
And I hope you are not planning to go abroad anytime soon as you may of misplaced your passport. Oops
Also you might want to change the payment method on Ocado cos I've been getting some lovely shopping delivered over the past few weeks
HTH

I'm very clumsy and over the years I've broken several items of jewellery that DH has bought me.

I sell the broken item in one of those cash 4 gold type places then buy a similar looking replacement as cheap as possible.

DH has never noticed as far as i know!

I stole a classmates strawberry smelling pencil at primary school. She burst into tears when she couldn't find it. I didn't give a shit.
After having my own child, I have thought about this a lot and feel terrible about it now. Sorry Sharon

It was me who reversed into the fence post and broke it. Not the delivery van.

I also had a one night stand with my friends ex. This was way before we became such good friends. He was a bit of a player and had shagged a few of our friendship circle so she knew of his reputation. But I've never confessed I was one of them.

Thankyou ScreamingLadySutch .

HUZZAH212 Rather than making you a terrible person I think that makes you a wonderful person. You were doing the best for you son

I keep a few chickens. They free range and are well looked after. Lots of treats.
A while ago 3 young pullets (teenage chickens not yet laying) were wandering in a field nearby and someone asked my husband if they were mine that had escaped. I went and rescued them using our dog crate to catch them. They integrated into our tiny flock.

Two days later, an old lady turned up and asked if I had her missing chickens?
Turns out the huge van transporting hundreds of them in tiny crates had stopped in the car park of the nearby church overnight so the driver could rest and when they were finally delivered some were missing. She didn't say how many but it sounds like considerably more than 3. She runs a battery chicken farm so I lied and told her I'd only helped catch 3 chickens and an unknown lady took them away in a cat basket.

I have no idea how the 3 (or others) escaped as those crates are small with tiny air gaps. They couldn't possibly get out by themselves. I can only guess that someone 'liberated' a crate of them whilst the driver was asleep in the cab although I haven't seen any sign of the crate in the field or any other chickens. The other possibility is that he was selling them from the lorry and a few escaped when he handed them over?

I'm not normally a thief and wouldn't steal someone else's pet but I felt strongly that these 3 chickens had somehow managed to escape once and so deserved a happier longer life.

Mycatisblack - great news for the chickens🐣🐣🐣

I once lost a v v expensive bracelet my fiancé had bought me so I searched for and bought another exactly the same (was living in my own maisonette with tiny mortgage at the time so had the money!) but then my sister found it so I returned the new one to the shop, except he was with me in the shopping centre at the time and he wrongly assumed that I had bought him a watch for his birthday but that because he was complaining about watches the day before I was taking it back.. I did not correct him but also didn't agree either

I told him the truth after many years and he laughed!

I put sleeping tablets in my violent, drug dealing, alcoholic bastard of an ex’s cups of tea every night for two years so I didn’t have to have sex with the horrible fucker (he didn’t care if I wanted to or not) whilst I plucked up the courage to leave him.

I’m not sorry in the slightest and always secretly prayed that he wouldn’t wake up in the mornings.

Awww no one put prawns in an ex’s curtain rail while he was away.

My ex refused to tell me where he was living when he left me for the other woman while still purporting to be grandad of the year.

So I had him followed.
Me and my friend hatched a plan. He babysat at my Jose and she waited in a cul de sac . When he drove out like a bat out of hell.. obviously as he was getting his leg over
She followed him.
He never had a clue.

House 😂

Agueros

Dd has been looking for the outcomes of her boat project at school. A boat made of tin foil, one folded from paper, and a raft made from twigs and string. They all went straight in the bin!

@AguerosAngel you GO, girl

Funnily enough this was in a Dick Francis novel, that GPs never stop to think that all the tranquillisers they prescribe to women are instead fed to the violent brutes they live with

@HUZZAH212 brilliant!

I didn't even try to get a babysitter tonight

1. DH brought some hideous candlesticks on an unsupervised shopping trip. I used to put them away so he used to get them back out again... When we moved house, gave them to 4 year old niece to unwrap from the newspaper. She did it far too carefully, so they accidentally found their way to the charity shop. Had to look confused when he couldn't find them.

1. Have a secret bank account that I save into, just in case. Have had a LTR break up badly before and like to know that I've got some stashed away in case I need to think about me and the kids.

1. When I stop at the supermarket by work for cereal and fruit for my week, I also get Doritos, chocolate etc.

Namechange... yes to secret bank account... you never ever know...

DH your favourite ‘tatty’ old tennis T-shirt hasn’t just vanished I threw it away, it was embarrassing seeing you actually wearing it.
I often drop my DD off at nursery an hour earlier than I need to and get to work early to have some quiet time.
When DH is on pick up from nursery duty and I finish work earlier than normal I park down the road for a while to let them have some time together ..make him actually do his share of parenting..
It’s me who keeps smashing the glasses at work when taking them out of the dishwasher, I honestly don’t know why I’m being so clumsy lately
DH I have a secret stash of money which I keep topped up that you don’t know about and when you think we’re strapped for cash at the end of the month we’re not, it keep me a DD in good supply of food and helps with any extra costs for DD, I hide it because it annoys me that you’d spend it all on sporting activities!.

I somehow wafted one of my clients false eyelashes into their very dirty toilet.
I fished them out, very briefly run them under water & put them back on the side.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar clearly I do!

I actually felt so guilty that I just plucked up the courage (after a couple of carefully non-spilt glasses of wine) to confess to DH who is sat next to me and he said he assumed it was me anyway!! 😂 I've sat on that guilt/shame for a good 2 months now when clearly honesty wasn't even necessary!

With the warm weather, I haven’t worn knickers for over a week.

My boss hated me, didn’t hide that he didn’t like me and the rest of our small team would always comment (not to him) how out of order his behavior was with me but also joke about how it was obvious he didn’t like me.
Anyway, whilst I was pregnant he would regularly push into me, make me carry heavy boxes, i had to make up my time when I had a midwife app (but no one else had to make up there time for hairdresser/dentist/doctor). One day I asked for his help as no one else was around. I was standing on a kick stool struggling to lift a heavy box up high. He huffed and puffed and told me to get someone else to help. I explained no one else was free so he walked off. When I went to the bathroom, I spied his precious interdental sticks. I took great delight in pissing on them and putting them back, knowing that he’d be using them that afternoon
I’ve since left as I can’t work for a bully that I worked so hard to try to please.
I’ve never done anything like that but I felt he deserved it!