How to change my kids surnames after marriage? Bio dad won’t consent.

[FriendlyRock]

I’ve just got married and have two young-ish bio kids under 12.

My new husband has no bio kids, but these are ‘our’ kids, they call him Daddy. Their bio dad is totally absent for years.

Neither of us have been married before and are both 50.

He’s an Aries, I’m a ....only joking. You know how it goes with not drip feeding !

So the kids have only ever had my surname, I wasn’t married to their bio dad.

But now we want to change surnames so we’re all united as a family.
They don’t want to lose their current surname they said, so I’m going to double-barrell myself and the kids by adding husband’s surname with a hyphen.

However it’s a right palaver Googling how to do this.
I’ve read that I do need a deed poll to double barrell, or that I don’t need to deed poll for myself anyway as I’m married now, or that I don’t need to, but they do, and that deed polls are pointless anyway,...

I’ve read that because their bio dad won’t consent to a name change as he has Parental Responsibility, I’ll have to take him to court (about £300 if I don’t use a solicitor), but I can’t find which local court deals with kids name changes .

It doesn’t come under ‘Family Law:Children’ because that’s only for contact and support issues.

Has anyone changed their bio kids surnames after they got married, (where the person they married has no bio kids of their own), and where the kids bio dad refuses consent? Which law court should I be applying to?

I’m only asking here first tonight, but realise I’ll probably have to instruct a solicitor to do it all for me eventually.
The kids bio dad has had proceedings against domestic violence in the past, so I know he’ll drag it out through the courts to ensure it costs me as much as possible .

There’s so many websites as well, deedpoll this and changeyournameofficial that, who knows how much they’d stiff me for in the small print some of them even say ‘we’ll advise you how to change your name’ not, ‘here’s where to start!’

Any ideas please from someone who’s been through (very) similar? Thankyou

I have passports to get for holiday and all sorts to do so it’s quite important. (And yep the bio dad is going to contest the taking kids out do the country without his permission too, I’m sure). But that’s another bridge to cross later. Worst bit is I haven’t heard from him for a couple of years, and now he’ll enjoy resuming contact.

Why doesn't your new husband change his name to yours? Serious question. It only involves one person changing instead of 3 and no disputes in court etc.

What pallisers said. So much easier and less confusing/ upsetting for the children.

Was he on the birth certificate?

If they don't want to change their names then why are you continuing to try? It may be that their whole identity is linked very strongly with their father's name, especially as he doesn't see them. It sounds like you want this for you, not really for them.
Self identity is really important to children.

If you ever divorced your new DH, would the children be changing surnames again?

As above, he could change his name to yours. Or you leave kids as is, double barrel yours and DH keeps his too, this is what I did, my name being the connection/link to both DD and DH.

@soontobe60 please READ the OP

They have HER name, not his!!!

Your children have literally told you they don’t want to change their names. Don’t be selfish.

Get him to change surname or all keep your current names.

So from a group of three, two people don’t want to change their surname, it would cost a lot of money and involvement of the court. Or one person goes and does it by deed poll. Which one makes more sense?
If your DH is so lovely, surely he can do the easiest option so you all can have the same surname.

Posted too soon. Sorry. It makes so much more sense for your new DH to take your name. One person changing rather than three as pp says.

I really hate the phrases ‘bio kids’ and ‘bio dad’ etc. Sounds so cold.

I don't think there is a specific court for changing children's names. It would be heard in the family court. You'd need the judge to 'order' the name change. You will find this very difficult without a solicitor.

Lots of families have different names within the family unit. Your relationships with each other are way more than just your last name.

Just have your husband change his name to match yours and your DCs. Or add yours onto his. It’s so much easier than changing the names of 3 people to match 1 especially when two of those are children whose father won’t give permission. It’s the obvious thing to do.

Your partner just needs to take your surname. Your kids don't want to change their name and that should be their choice really. If it's important to your partner that you all share a surname, he won't mind. If it's more important to him that he keeps his name because tradition/patriarchy then that would indicate it's only really you who is bothered. It's a legitimate thing to want, btw. But if anyone is going to change their name it should be your partner given that the kids have expressly told you that they don't want to.

If you want a family name get your husband to change to yours or you and he double barrel and leave the kids names as they are. Name changes can be a pain in the arse for kids, my DP was given a stepparents surname via deed poll and it's a faff, he has a name that doesn't match his birth certificate and it's a hassle he could really do without (and they got divorced anyway and his mother has had another surname since then).

They don't want to change their surnames.

There is no need for bio dad. He is their dad. Your husband is their step dad. (Fair is fair when people attack for any reference to a bio mum).

If your kids are old enough to say they don't want their names changing then don't change it. Going against their wishes is about what you want not what they want.

New husband takes on the family name. Bloody simple solution.

Agree with pp have your new husband change his name to yours. If that's too much for him have him just add your name. He can just take your marriage certificate into the bank and they will add the extra second name. Same with driving licence just send a copy to dvla no costs. No need for deedpoll or going to court.

Husband doesn’t want to change his surname despite it being easier all round. He has no bio kids and is the last of his family line to continue his name. He also has a longstanding business associated with his name.

Yes, bio dad is on birth certificate for both children. He has Parental Responsibility for both.

The children have my surname, not their bio dad’s

If I ever get divorced no the kids would keep their new surname, they consider him dad, they have no contact with their bio dad.

Yes I hate the phrase bio too, but it’s functional in this instance.

The children have witnessed years of DV against me with their bio dad, they have no connection to him and no contact. My new husband has known them since he youngest was a year old. They’ve always called him Daddy (of their own accord) such is their bond. The Stepfather title is irrelevant in real life, I grew up with a step from 18months old baby, and never referred to him as a step. A man who support ps a child under his roof in every way possible without input from the bio dad is in my opinion worthy of the title father more than stepfather.

Pallisers, that was my exact thought.

Your husband should either change his name or double-barrell to match you three. It makes much more sense in general, but particularly in your circumstances.

Your DH should change his. Or all keep your own.

How old are they? And why would you even mention the holiday to their bio dad? He hasn’t been around for years?

Tiredtessy they’re 10 and 12.

And yes apparently I need bio dad’s permission to take the kids out of the country on holiday.

Your husband should STILL change his name, but keep his original
Name for business purposes.