How to change my kids surnames after marriage? Bio dad won’t consent.

[FriendlyRock]

I’ve just got married and have two young-ish bio kids under 12.

My new husband has no bio kids, but these are ‘our’ kids, they call him Daddy. Their bio dad is totally absent for years.

Neither of us have been married before and are both 50.

He’s an Aries, I’m a ....only joking. You know how it goes with not drip feeding !

So the kids have only ever had my surname, I wasn’t married to their bio dad.

But now we want to change surnames so we’re all united as a family.
They don’t want to lose their current surname they said, so I’m going to double-barrell myself and the kids by adding husband’s surname with a hyphen.

However it’s a right palaver Googling how to do this.
I’ve read that I do need a deed poll to double barrell, or that I don’t need to deed poll for myself anyway as I’m married now, or that I don’t need to, but they do, and that deed polls are pointless anyway,...

I’ve read that because their bio dad won’t consent to a name change as he has Parental Responsibility, I’ll have to take him to court (about £300 if I don’t use a solicitor), but I can’t find which local court deals with kids name changes .

It doesn’t come under ‘Family Law:Children’ because that’s only for contact and support issues.

Has anyone changed their bio kids surnames after they got married, (where the person they married has no bio kids of their own), and where the kids bio dad refuses consent? Which law court should I be applying to?

I’m only asking here first tonight, but realise I’ll probably have to instruct a solicitor to do it all for me eventually.
The kids bio dad has had proceedings against domestic violence in the past, so I know he’ll drag it out through the courts to ensure it costs me as much as possible .

There’s so many websites as well, deedpoll this and changeyournameofficial that, who knows how much they’d stiff me for in the small print some of them even say ‘we’ll advise you how to change your name’ not, ‘here’s where to start!’

Any ideas please from someone who’s been through (very) similar? Thankyou

I have passports to get for holiday and all sorts to do so it’s quite important. (And yep the bio dad is going to contest the taking kids out do the country without his permission too, I’m sure). But that’s another bridge to cross later. Worst bit is I haven’t heard from him for a couple of years, and now he’ll enjoy resuming contact.

What Decomposing said. FFS, he's a grown up, the kids don't want to change their names. So you don't change their names. Duh. You and your h double-barrel to yours and his names and he uses his former name for business. WTF with 'last in his line' and shit, this isn't 1500.

You kids can't do a deed poll until they are 16. They can use a different surname unofficially but that can lead to problems with things like GCSE certificates.

The only people I've known in a similar situation had, "X original surname known as new surname". It's really clunky but created a paper trail for when they were adults and just used the new surname.

Having said all that, your children should get to choose to keep their names if they want.

how come your DH didn't take your surname and leave the past in the past ?

By some very strange coincidence my maiden name was the same as his birth surname. He has no contact at all with his father so that name also has unhappy connotations. It was a very strange conversation that we had with the vicar and our respective birth certificates and deed poll!

I just find it quite selfish to change a child's name, particularly against their wishes, with the chance that you might change your name again but they'll be left with a name that means nothing to them.

If your DH is 'last in his line' (eurgh) it doesn't matter anyway does it? When he goes his name goes!

All ridiculous and easily solved.

Now this is many years ago, so I don’t know if things have changed. I had fairly similar situation as regards name change for my son. Bio dad and I separated when DS was 3 months. Not married. Bio dad on birth certificate and DS had bio last name. Never paid child support and didn’t visit.

When I married my DH, shortly thereafter DS chose to call my DH Daddy and asked for his last name to be changed so we all had the same last name. DS and I had different last names. Bio dad ignored all requests. We couldn’t force him to consent.

My DS was enrolled in school with DH last name, GP- everything we could. Could not get passport though. This greatly upset DS that it couldn’t be changed. I had sole custody of DS via court order (longer story, we had a consent order that I forgave past child support, all claims to future child support in exchange for bio consenting to my sole custody, allowing me to leave the country and giving up all parental rights, this was a USA court order. I moved to UK to marry my DH.)

We had to wait until DS was 18 and he changed his name by deed poll, got new passport. Waited to get his provisional licence until in the name he used.

In your instance, if DH won’t simply change his name to your name, then you both double barrel and leave the DC as is.thry don’t want to change their last name. The bio would have to agree to allow children to change name. Do you really think he would agree??

Your separate issue is the consent of bio to allow you to leave the country with the children.

That’s something you can get a court order to allow you to do.

You say you've been to court many times - do you have a anything about residency or contact? If so double check it as leaving the country is usually covered in there and should be sufficient for a normal holiday.

I would suggest you get the permission to go on holiday rather than messing with name changes, they are getting very strict with kids leaving the country these days - my friend has twice been stopped (kids dad is dead) but first time she didn't have the paperwork- a friend had to email documents through

If they're in your name. I don't understand why you need their father's name to change it. Its cunt o'clock, like, so Its probably me being a confused twit.

Leave your children's names alone. If your DH also doesn't want to change, then you should double barrel and be the "link" between the two names.

So trying to change the name would stir things up with your violent ex and is something the children don't want. Why on earth would you do this? Either your husband changes his name or you all stay as you are. We are married but have both kept our own names. This is not unusual.

I think that for some reason you’ve over thought this and got a bit obsessed by ‘the name thing’. It doesn’t matter. They have your name already, you can double barrel if you want to, but your kids are too old! It’s pointless! If the relationship with their step dad is as secure as you say it is just a hassle. Your eldest must be in yr 7 or 6, I totally get why they don’t want to change their name - their identity, for your vanity, and to repeatedly explain it to everyone.

As others have said, you and DH should double barrel instead. Avoids a whole palaver.

If their Dad hasn’t had contact for many years, screw him. The DC have your surname so it won’t be questioned at the airport.

@purpleboy yeah it is a bit pointless but I guess it's good for people to know so they can decide whether to bother with taking the information with them or not and therefore can't complain if they are stopped. It's meant to stop one parent fleeing the country with the kids without the other parent's knowledge and child trafficking but then if nobody ever checks...🤷🏼‍♀️

You kids can't do a deed poll until they are 16. They can use a different surname unofficially but that can lead to problems with things like GCSE certificates.

Yes they can. My son's surname changed when he was 9. That was done by deed poll.

You don't actually need a deed poll to change your name, you just have to use that name and no other from then onwards. You can write a declaration to that effect and present it to people but I felt a deed poll was appropriate so that he never had to explain, or had difficulties over, his name change.

In your case, I wouldn't be changing the children's names. He can change his and keep a professional name for business purposes. I've known a few women do that. He doesn't need special treatment because he's a man.

"So your husband wants everyone to have the same name but doesn't want to change his name so you plan to force your DC to change their name against their will? That sounds lovely!!

Agree, and I hope it's out of character for him and that he comes to his senses soon

I'd understand more if you and your DC had the surname of your abusive ex but you don't.... Just stick with the names you've got, for all the reasons mentioned above.

*We want to change surnames, so we’re united as a family’

Your children don’t. They have been happy with this for years, and the adults are creating a problem where none exists.
Find another way to unite as a family. Have you considered matching T shirts?

DH and I married 30 years ago and I didn't change my name and he didn't change his. DS born 5 years later, DH was keen for DS to have his name, so we gave DS my name as a middle name which he sometimes uses but mostly doesn't. For 30 years my DH and I have had different names and for 25 years my son and I have had different names with no problems. Does anyone really need to change their name? Make life easy on yourself.

Why do people keep posting the same thing ..'get DH to change', 'double barrel' surely the OP can read ? Why are people posting exactly the same advice post after post ? It's like 'cancel the bloody cheque' !

Anyway OP. Your question was about how you change This officially. (I am not going to give advice on the rights and wrongs as you didn't ask for this)

Contrary to advice further up thread - you really do not need a solicitor for this. As long as you can fill in a form and speak in whole sentences . You need something called a 'specific issue ' order. (Asking the court to make an Order in a particular issue).

You need to go to the HMCTS website and download a C100 and fill it in and send off (follow the notes for assistance but fairly self evident) The address for the court is obtained through the same website.

Everyone with PR will be notified of the hearing date.
You then attend court and simply tell the judge what you want . Their father will have the opportunity to attend and object.
I will just say that IF he does attend and object then I would not be hopeful for your outcome.
This process costs a court fee of £215 and reduced/free according to income.

Personally your money is better spent on a specific steps order for travel.
All those saying 'I've done it for years' are no doubt telling the truth - but as I am someone who DID yet stopped and missed our flight ... and therefore holiday .. because I didn't have written permission. I would never ever do this. It is ILLEGAL. I equate it to a super-serious form of fare dodging.. Can I get on a train every day for weeks and travel to my destination without buying a ticket. Yes I can, no barriers at my station.. should I do it ? Of course not ! The fact that I do it for weeks without getting caught doesn't then somehow make it legal ! It's still against the law and I could be stopped at any time.

Not a gamble I would ever take again with excited children heading for a holiday..

A letter from everyone with PR, a Specific Issues Order (£215 see above) or a Child Arrangements Order naming you as resident parent and therefore at the bottom of the order is permission to leave the country for up to 28 days.

Omg the angst

Just leave things as they are IF the kids want to change their names they can call themselves whatever they like on a day to day basis just have official papers in their original names.

My DD has a double barrelled surname - I’ve travelling with her all over Europe and never had an official permission from her father. Don’t know what happens when you need to get visas though.

He has no bio kids and is the last of his family line to continue his name.

You didn't have to give his starsign in the OP to avoid dripfeeding but it would have been useful to know that he's a Game of Thrones character.

"Why are people posting exactly the same advice post after post ?"

Because they are posting what they really think.

"It's like 'cancel the bloody cheque' !"

It's really not. The cheque could not be cancelled because it had already been processed. Here, the course of action is still possible.

Hubby and I have 3 children between us - 2 each. Each child has a different surname and you know what- we are united as a family. Each child has a very strong sense of identity attached to their name and they know who they are. Leave your children's names alone and let them make their own choice when they are 18.

DH is already DB'ed and I didn't change my name. This baby will have a mix of our surnames. Do I think that makes us less of a family? Does it fuck.

I would inderstand this if the kids had the waste of space bio dad's name, but they don't. You are an adult and you get to have whatever name you want, great. So why won't you allow your kids the same choice? You're prioritising your own desire to "match" and your new partner's ego over your kids' wishes, which is more than a bit shit. Yes it's sad you never managed to have kids yourselves, but it's not your DC's job to pass on the name of a man they no doubt love but aren't related to other than through his romantic relationship with their mother. It's complete folly to force this issue and create a problem where there is none.